"semester 2, 2003"
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let me put it frankly: i think i did pretty okay [even for my own degenerating standards] for my final exams last semester. i studied for them, memorized stuff [something that i don't appreciate doing], and in the end, i was rewarded with a fail for relationship marketing and a pass for international marketing [i don't feel too bad about that one]. i can't understand how i could've failed rm...i really don't, but i have. timing myself, pacing and answering, emphasising on points...ooooboy. which makes it all the more worse for me...after telling my dad that i think i did alright for it, and getting a fail...i really am one hell of a prodigal son...it's just that prodigality is yet to be achieved, in my case.

anyway, scanning through job vacancies in jobstreet, i saw some jobs that could've been right; minimum requirements are a diploma, and it's basically for marketing. BUT...i don't even have a diploma, which is the basic of the basics of everything.

i'm having a field day with my confidence. it's been a great week so far...oh, wait...it just started.

terrific.

"ride tokyo"
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i'm not terribly sure if the tokyo extreme racer zero i bought is the latest tokyo extreme racer game that i've been reading about, but it seems addictive enough. riding around a real-life highway [to my knowledge] and flashing cars to race...what more could you ask for? however, even though the models accurately reflect the cars, they're not licensed...so it's not that real. plus, there're no licensed parts, so it's not as intuitive as nfs: underground. but it really is fun...it really feels arcade-y to such an unbelievable effect. plus, the music is really jap drift arcade-y ware, so...that's another plus point --- it doesn't reek of kitsch.

oh, yea...regarding the photos that i took on saturday. we managed to get some snaps of this waja that was done up evo 8-like, a lancer with evo-8 tune-ups [i didn't get it either], and a boxter. nothing much, but it was alright...it's not like we were prepared. going around taking pictures of cars as if you're gonna steal them and then running away...that's a bit nutty, no?

yea, well.

"searching for a vamp"
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i went to tmc at around 9-ish this morning and got some film...loaded it up into the olympus and i'm hoping that ramon'll be free for a little expedition. it's either to take pictures of really nice cars or to take pictures of really nice stuff. among some things on my list are the solitary swing in the taman desa park [among these really tall trees], the george bush war crimes grafitti in bangsar and the two evos parked three houses down from me. ugh. i'm sneezing all over the place. wonderful.

mmm. hannah's back for 2 weeks...that's not really much time considering the fact that she's got oodles to do, but my only wish now would probably be to watch the return of the king with her before...well, before it's too bloody late, as it was. ugh, overcoming time and distance for this...some things are just too cut and dry.

i only properly slept at about 7...the morning was spent helping out the geriatric grandfather of mine. however...and as passe and cliched as it sounded, i had to help him...with great power comes great responsibility, i guess, and...well...if we can't take care of an old man, what kind of people are we, ultimately? yea, well.

"pussywillow"
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i met up with matt today...i haven't seen him since the last time all the guys were back from oz, which was like...ages ago, really. anyway, we caught up, and talked about tolkien, really...and video games. it was quite fun, but it was really the trip after that which was the boggler. i decided that we were going to be looking for cats...kittens, to be precise. what started off as a simple excursion around taman tun ended up as a discovery...there were areas that we never know existed [pinggir taman tun or something like that] which was quite...amazing. it was like this malayan-like kampung with these houses with massive compounds...it was all malay, and there was the traditional kampung behind it, but those houses along the facade of the village were...magnamonious. if there is such a word. anyway, it's all good, i guess...listening to retro hits from the 80's [dr. mix on mix fm...quite queer]. it's been a good sunday.

on to the assignment? i hope so.

"kancil or die"
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berjaya times square. i've never been there, and after much thought, i'm not terribly interested in going, either. now, all this may be said with a touch of pretentiousness, but...i've been to the real times square, walked along it, and stayed in the very city in which times square belongs to. this gawdy monstrosity [as elliot gould would say in ocean's eleven] that vincent tan has dreamt up doesn't really do any justice to broadway and 42nd. none at all. especially not if it's going to be frequented by girls in sunset rust and golfer hats, and boys in their own apparel of the 00's. no, i don't look down on the beng and the lian...lord, don't you remember my blog from last year that basically examined my fixation with them? it's just that...why couldn't they just call it something else? "times square", it's not. not. not. go to the real times square, if you ever get the chance...as a kid, up til now, if i can at least remember what it was about it that really did make me take up and notice, don't you think that a shopping mall, no matter how large, is undeserving and unfitting of its name? i guess you can only find out for yourself. as for me, i'm staying away, lord of the rings carnival or not. plus, i don't really want to be stuck in a traffic jam at the gates of kl's golden triangle. not at all. if i want enlightenment, i go to sungai wang --- and sungai wang, to me, is a brilliant place. not berjaya times square.

on a side note, small women driving cars inverse to their size are just hillarious. and scary.

"tarpaulin support"
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the last time i went to 1 utama, they didn't have an autopay system. that shows you how long it's been since i've been there, though i'm not sure how long the implementation of the new system has taken. the place has been all done up in anticipation for christmas [a holiday that i'm growing to dislike more and more], while it's new wing is open and available for public admission. i was hanging around with Wan Ling and her friend Fanny [i know i shouldn't be judgemental, but with a name like that...], and they basically dragged me along on a brutal walkabout. i've never really considered myself mallcentric, though i can find my way through carrefour without any problems, though i don't know if that's considered being mallcentric. upon hanging around mph for too long, particularly the classics section, i purchased the complete works of oscar wilde for RM 20. which is really a steal, coz you get all his poetry, his plays, and his stories...they also had the same thing for lewis carroll, but, one auteur at a time, no? and prior to that, my RM 13 purchase of an old issue of Q, so...that's quite the budget for leisurely reading.

anyway, 1U had changed so much...there was like...this...cross between Ikea and Brothers found at the old Ikea site...this carcare/accessory shop thing downstairs where Ikea II was, while the old Ikea level was still...well, it looked more like a DIY store. and Memory Lane isn't next to mph anymore...i was looking for xmas cards. pity.

lord...following two girls around a mall. you might be wondering why i'm complaining so much if it seemed that i wanted to go; well, you're right. i didn't mind going, but i've always forgotten that shopping with girls isn't fun when none of them are yours.

sorry! correction! bahamut was the concluding chapter 2 boss!

"contender"
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ugh. i've sort of hit a brick wall with ffx-2. i was quite pleased with myself after i finished chapter 2 this morning, and even more pleased when i defeated bahamut shortly thereafter...however, i'm sorta stuck fighting the besaid island aeon [whose name i don't even know] and it hasn't looked all that good...his second energy ray attack is one hell of a killer. despite stocking up on 99 potions [that was an act of genius, but accidentally choosing the wrong attack and being panicky sorta underscores the franticness of a simple boss battle]. good stuff, but i hope it doesn't happen too often...right now i've gone to the kilika temple to help out defeating the fiends [the alternative choice as opposed to going to besaid]...got smacked up good by a stalwart upgrade. ugh...it's back to basics. maybe it's time to roam around and level up first. apparently, the only way to get the best ending of the game is to finish 100% of it...i think that includes the side minigames and whathaveyou...fun, fun, fun! no, i really mean it...i'd rather ride chocobos than fight monsters anyday. mmm...oh, yea! i've attained the charm bracelet...it basically eliminates any random enemy encounters...which is quite nifty, seeing how i always would get annoyed whenever the screen would disperse and a fight would ensue...except now i've gotta get level ups desperately. bloody aeon.

lord...i'm starting to sound like a nerd.

"the new paradigm"
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donald rumsfeld: "we would be happy to capture them. we would be happy to have them surrender. and if they don't, we would be happy to kill them. and that's what's going on". (regarding a US attack against Taliban/Al-Quaeda suspects --- six children perished in the exchange by a collapsing wall).

donald rumsfield, fuck you. if the united states military got it right the first time round, you wouldn't be saying this in the first place. if you'd promised and delivered the total obliteration of any remaining opposing factions left over in afghanistan, i wouldn't be feeling all that angry. and if civilians (re: non-combatants) are involved, isn't there, lord, any sense that you and your people could at least get knocked into your skulls that it isn't exactly too hot an idea to go ahead with? do you even check for civilians?

and in the end, it's all collateral damage to you. i hope it weighs heavily on your conscience, despite whatever you say. i hope it does.

"concession to victory"
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is doing the wrong thing for the greater good all that good? this would probably be another rant in the age-old question of just who's right in the first place, but then again...how are we to know who's bad and who's good? the crusades, for example...an abuse of the name of God and then, the mass slaughter and execution and plundering of countless towns and cities. even the war right now is a crusade in its own right --- some might see it as a defence of Semitism and an upholding of Christian values throughout the Middle East. i mean, shit, america more or less runs iraq now. how can the americans be so sure that they're not conflicting with any muslim fundamentals in the running of the state? and look what happened to afghanistan --- it's still a smouldering ruin. and the two men whom you most wanted to catch...the true prizes...they're still not caught. ultimately, it's just one big mess. and it's not like the iraqi people are having the time of their lives, either. opposition towards the occupation has already left to deaths of people other than americans; one big shock after another.

where's the good in that?

"the machina within"
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saturdays would usually be productive for me, since i'd have absolutely nothing to do. i'd have all the time in the world to do whatever, and usually, i'd be happy over it. today was no exception...not much, anyway. i've just come back from a spin in the 3 and i've got to say that it's like a lap of luxury. anyway, to continue my ongoing crusade to purchase movies that i've never quite seen before, i went out and got myself face/off and the hulk on dvd. quite brilliant, until i realized that the better part of the RM 50 i'd just withdrawn an hour earlier was gone. i had dinner at kfc, and it wasn't all that good. the chicken didn't exactly taste all that fresh, and it was just one big headache. on the bright side of things, i've finished the first chapter of ffx-2, and its non-linear linear story [what a paradox!] is just superb. you'll understand when you play it. i never played the original ffx [shame on me!], but i wouldn't mind trying it out...after i finish ffx [bold words from the anti-rpg crusader]. oh, and i've also finished true crime: streets of LA [another brilliant game], and i have to say, i was quite happy with myself. i guess my ps2 is my best friend. so, tonight, it's just going to be me and the movies, i suppose. i couldn't go to tmc to get a blank tape for my recording for hannz because...well, they simply didn't sell any. pity. i guess a live performance is at hand. oh, well.

i fought the law and the...law won!

"hey dad"
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"son, i'm coming back in mid-november...brace yourself!"

i guess this means that hannz can't come over all that much and that we'd have some sorta lack of privacy. better keep the ps2 out of sight for now, too.

"son, i'm coming back in december...be good!"

okay...that's not so bad, i guess i still have freedom...pity i don't have a social life yet to abuse my freedom for. at least i still have time for classes and there's still space to breathe.

"son, i'm coming back in january...mail me if anything comes up!"

man, if you're going to new york, i have to ask you to get the new bon jovi album. and maybe robbie's cd. and michael buble. crap, i hope you don't come back too soon...i'm still enjoying life here.

"son...i might not be coming back all that soon...tell your mother that she's going to have to wait for the legal proceedings!"

are you on the run?

and so the story shall continue, but that's the gist of it. i think my dad would slap me for asking him to get the cds, but it's worth a shot. idiot. should've told him that i wanted to go to new york with him, the f*cker. he's my dad, and i love him, yea? even if he is a pr*ck.

"zealot"
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i was once a jesus freak. y'know; all for God and up for the rapture. in some ways, i still am. i'm still waiting for the rapture, and when it comes, i'm sure it's going to be good. i've always thought that in a way, only God can judge me, an overused phrase, but ultimately, an undeniable truth. there're people around me who act righteously but are probably not so good on the inside; finks, as some might consider them. that's my whole idea of what the institution of the church has become --- from a place of worship to a place where the majority of people converge like the finks they are. call it blasphemous, label it yellow, but i don't think i'm off to an extent. putting faith and pride together into a mix is a horrible thing to do, and y'know what, friend?...it's being done. and it'd always be done. we talk about how united a congregation should be, how it should be family...but cell groups sort of make that bad. they have their uses, but if competition is a common occurence [and more than often, it is], where does it go from there? sure, it can start off friendly and whathavenot, but it's going to grow to ridiculous proportions. no doubt about it.

this doesn't mean that we should be sceptical about everything. definitely, no. but when i think about religion [and cults, for that matter], i wonder if any of us have been blindly following something all along. sure, i understand that it's really the basic concept of faith and commitment in the first place, but if it can be applied to religion, i'm pretty sure that it can be applied to life in general. we never use our heads, just our hearts...and how much of that is true? funnily enough, i think all of it is true. we might've been told to look before we leap, but i'm pretty sure that all our best laid plans have just been that...best laid. is it right to be overzealous without looking at something properly? or is overzealousness just a common everyday occurence now among the faithful? bless them, because i guess they really know what they're doing. the difference between the hot and the cold are, the hot always want to spur the cold, while backsliders like me just...chill. for the better lack of any words.

i believe in God. it's the people that scare me.