out for the new year.

out for the new year.

well, not really out, but out enough. your regular scheduled bi-daily blogging will resume with the start of the new year. i remain resolute in regards to that. it's a brand new resolution. seriously. i'll try to keep up. honest.

here's a new year's message which no one will heed: drink responsibly, you fuckers.

i love you all. if i'm not back by the morning, i've died.

Unwrapped and Opened.

Unwrapped and Opened.

Christmas has come and gone without much aplomb, but a bigger splash was made as compared to Merdeka Day. In all honesty, I think people were anticipating Christmas more than our own Independence Day. Christmas is all about goodwill; don’t bother noticing that it’s also the most hyped-up and marketed holiday of the year. But that makes it special because it’s the last holiday of the year [unless you count New Year’s Eve as an event itself, which many certainly do]. So, where do we go from here? Are the Christmas decorations still up at our beloved malls? Are the discount sales still running? From ‘X-mas Bonanza’ to ‘Year-end Jualan Hebat* (*Grand/Mega Sale)’? This is life. In KL, anyway.

And my life over the last few days has been quite comforting. Since completing the assignment, I’ve been trying my best to catch up on my X-Men reading [I’ve still got over 30 years of content to complete], and I managed to download a [more or less] complete Wolverine collection. I love broadband. But it’s really an example of having no time for too many things. If I could achieve the full homestay, bum routine, I’d be more than happy to do what I’m doing. But, lo and behold, I’m a person with responsibilities. Or so I’m reminded. I just want to sit down and listen to my Winamp playlist [which is getting more and more eclectic, to my pride], and read and munch on snacks. That’s the life. Pure enhanced monotony.

The days. The days. Christmas Eve was fulfilling. May and I went X-mas shopping for her young cousin. Toys ‘r Us is fun. I don’t care how they put it; we all want to be Toys ‘r Us Kids. I haven’t really spent X-mas Eve with someone in a while. And I’m not talking about spending it in that way. Anyway, for X-mas, I got a X-Men Uno set. Which is rather nifty, since I can’t find my original set.

Right now, I’m listening to Bob Dylan wheeling away on a harmonica, mulling over whether I should go to Singapore tomorrow with Justin in what I’ve titled “Race Against Time ‘04”. Which is rather fucking stupid, since there never was a Race Against Time ’03. The bet is this: send Justin’s aunt to KL Sentral so that she can take the ERL to the KLIA for her flight to Singapore, while Justin and I drive to Singapore to race the plane. Yes, it’s crazy. Hope that it works out. I haven’t been to Singapore since…well, since leaving Singapore the last time round. Yes.

And the boys are back in town. Ramon, Jun, Matt, Ben and I have met up. All we need is Sean to get back into the fold, and then we’ve got it covered. Maybe the annual Chili’s meet is to be expected; more gay jokes at Sean’s expense. It just can’t be helped…but at least it’s always understood. It sounds corny, but it’s good to know that you’ve got a group of friends from back in the day. One thing about moving around is the fact that you leave people behind…it’s not like we had Friendster when I was 5. At least I’ve got what’s left of a social life here.

Mmm. Christmas is over, 2005 is around the block, but all I want to do is just sit down and think about days gone by, and where all this is going to take me.

Expect the unexpected again.

Clockwork In Motion.

Clockwork In Motion.

People usually have plans...blueprints that held them prod along their lives. Whether or not it’s a 5 year plan, a 1 year plan, or, like me, a shopping list of what to do tomorrow, we all live by some sort of framework. And it all starts with a desire to be somewhere in a pre-determined period of time, and the outcome of the actions taken must be resolute enough to justify the actions taken. So, ladies and gentlemen, for the second time this week, I’ve outdone myself, yet again. This time, though, it was rather important, and I’ve got a bad feeling that it’s not going to work out in my favour. We all already know about the express assignment…how, with the proper resources and research tools and references, we all can finish a 2nd-year essay within a night.

I did mine in less than 5 hours. I was meant to start my Issues in HRM Assignment One last night, and work through the morning, but I decided to do what I’ve been doing best lately: sleep. I woke up at midnight, telling myself that I’d start at 3. Then, I woke up at 4…and then at 5…you get the rest. The result? A less than brilliant 1, 940 word essay. But at least it’s done. I swear that I’ll put a lot more effort into it the next time.

I promise.

Meanwhile, at the Biz Council…

I would’ve preferred a larger turnout for today’s lunch at Madam Kwan’s. I was half-tempted to skip (re: Assignment), but I managed to be there. Had some Nasi Lemak, a Coke and an Ais Campur, and it was really all rather filling. I’ve only been to Madam Kwan’s once before, and that was with Justin, his mom and Sazman. I think I had the Nasi Lemak as well, and that was free. Here’s to free lunches at the joint. And it was good, to boot.

Tomorrow’s going to be the first free Friday that I’ve had in ages. But May Ann might still be in Singapore (no one told me when she’d be back…ladies are annoying that way), so it might probably be just me and the Uncanny X-Men. Don’t laugh. They’re cool.

Snikt.

Bragging rights.

Bragging rights.

In the face of fear, some lizards shed their tails off in the hopes of distracting those who would hunt them. Their lost behinds would respawn, and they’d be fine after a period of time. Humans, on the other hand, don’t have this luxury. In the face of danger, we can do a few things; either face our fears, or run away from them. Usually, we’d prefer the latter, because…well, face it, it’s a lot easier to run away from danger. Challenges are dealt with in the same way: we either stand up to them or wither away. Usually, we try our best to take challenges head-on, but we shy away from them when the going gets tough. Life is such; we can’t win all the time, anyway. That’s acknowledged.

But we can make differences. And a difference, I have made.

Earlier tonight, I faced a challenge that none can attest to, primarily because:-

a) they’d never think of doing such a thing, and,
b) they wouldn’t be stupid/crazy/foolhardy (your choice) enough to do so.

But I did it. And did it, I did.

Justin and I were at Hartz. Now, as we all know, I was the record holder for the most pieces of chicken eaten at Hartz, inclusive of side dishes [thus my respectable callsign of Side-Dish Boy] and drinks. The previous record was 12 and a quarter pieces, a record that was insurmountable. In fact, the only people who would be able to break that record would be either Justin or me.

I had to give it a shot. And a shot, I gave.

13 pieces. The new record. Hail your King, or so be it, you shall become one of the benign.

Until the next fool attempts to top me. Good luck.

Though…so much for the diet plan.

Onto other news…

Later today, in the afternoon, I’m going to dress up as Santa for one last time. I’ve been assigned to become the musical Santa because the Department is taking part in an X-mas decorations competition. The musical Santa is a gimmick…mainly because the Department is sorely lacking in the decorations department. Now, I can whine away at the fact that I promised myself not to wear the suit anymore. But since the Department is run by a bunch of ladies…let’s just say that chivalry isn’t dead just yet.

The Biz Council meeting that was set to discuss the upcoming events and set a general idea of how the Business Ball should be like didn’t really go the way I expected it. But then again, when it comes to the Council, I should already know what to expect: the unexpected. As President, I suppose that it’s my job to keep things in order.

As you know, I’m not the most organized person in the world.

At least we have a plan. Revolutionizing Orientation Day isn’t possible…but I think it’s going to be a little changed. Thought not changed enough to make an impact that our esteemed Head of Department would like to make. Although he can be long-winded, he can be fun when it’s all relaxed.

Maybe I’m getting used to adults. Funny.

I’m getting sick of assignment deadlines.

give 'em the slip.

give 'em the slip.

how much of myself can i give to the extracurricular activities that i hold a torch to? how much can i give before people get the idea that i don't do this to be popular or anything...i'm pretty convinced that the more i show myself saying 'come to our event!' the more word would spread that i'm the next best thing to a faggot...i do this because i believe that i've got a role to play to make the students happy. first and foremost, i'm a student...and besides working my ass off, i also deserve to have a little fun. but these last few weeks, it's actually felt like work...i don't know why. when i first joined the council, it was work, yea, but it was fun. but it sorta feels that the last few days have been spent worrying over deadlines, designs, budgets...it's almost sad. i remember pandora saying that she felt pressure that she wasn't supposed to feel. she had a point.

then again, i am the boss. no second thoughts about the shit that i do.

even if it does make me look stupid all the time.

i remember thinking that the biz council could seriously make some sort of difference. petty things, such as the installation of a coke machine on the premises, to something as challenging as tackling the age-long parking issue. i honestly want to do shit like that. that's called serving the students...anyone else can throw a party, a ball, a singing competition (but of course, i'd do it better). the biz council is not purely an event planning division. and we're definitely not an interact club. we're a bunch of students who're willing to make life more colourful for the students...and as a result of that, we make life a little bit more colourful for ourselves.

though i'm still grasping with the whole concept of what we're supposed to do. staff-student meetings have taken a break. is this where we come in?

aren't people supposed to complain to us? isn't that the point? hello?

maybe i'm in over my head on this, but making a difference would mean a lot more to me than seeing a bunch of pretty girls walk by and pose. so here we are, throwing a ball, organizing a comprehensive showing of vocal prowess, and i'm still back at square one: wanting to make a difference. the ironic part is that i'll probably not become a student representative for the staff-student discussions due to biz council work. funny.

yea, well.

help idol news...

the launching has been postponed. no [sic] on wednesday, but cross your fingers. i already had the performance planned out. if it's going to be held at the lower foyer in january, then...even better. a full [sic] show, with the whole atmospheric/electric thing going. it's been a while since [sic] came together. lord, that sounds wrong.

anyway, the reason for the holding off of the launching is simple: we're getting more money to do a better one.

altogether now...hallelujah. miracles do happen. preliminary sponsorship has been secured, anyway. and the funny part is, i was already planning phase two of the sales/promotions plan when i got word. not to give myself too much credit, but...for once...i'd just like to pat the team [including myself] on the back for being so blatantly disorganized but still a bunch of lucky lords and ladies. extra kudos to yong jia...you did the right thing. if your group was a mess, i'd do exactly what you would've done. fuck 'em, you still got the job done.

the homestead...

my father's leaving tomorrow. he'll be back in mid-january for the divorce hearing. not to sound overly dramatic, but it's the beginning of the end.

or is it? (cue quizzically menacing music here).

i've bought what i call survival food. a lot of tuna. a lot of chips. a lot of drinks. frozen processed packages included as well. this sounds harsh, but i'm not really planning on seeing my mother anytime soon. not til the hearings. now, let's see if i can be as heartless as i've set out to be.

look at it this way...i've never, ever heard it from my father's point of view so bluntly before. things have happened that shouldn't have, and it's almost clear to me now that both my parents are nuts. me included. what i can do now is just sit back, relax and just try to live a [ab]normal life.

hmph. this whole marriage thing makes it clear to me: it's awfully easy to love someone when nobody's loved you before.

Charity, Christmas and Children.

Charity, Christmas and Children.

I can’t say much about the Charity Drive. I suppose that it was alright, but still…I can’t say much about it. I try my best to be alright with kids, but after a while, they’re just annoying little buggers who deserve very little. I mean that in general, and I’m certainly not talking about the children from the charity home. I loved working with the Sunday School contingent back in church, but that was probably because they were well-behaved, organized, and…well…bearable. When you put 20 children in a room [no less, the Department of Business Studies], something’s bound to go wrong…especially when a good portion of them are over 14.

Yea…from being kids to teenagers. Look, it’s really simple…imagine how you are now, or how you were back when you were an adolescent. Think hard, and ask yourself this: would you want yourself as a child? Granted, it’d probably work out differently for you. Then again, one discussion that I’ve had with Justin regarding children [not as strange as it sounds] is that when we’re nicely married with our wives, nice houses and fast cars would be…we’d love to have cool kids. I can sort of understand having a nerd for a son…but I’d rather have the jock.

I suppose that this is the perfect case of:
a) giving my children everything that I never had
b) molding my children in a particular way that I’d want them to be
c) pinning my hopes and dreams on my children.

Granted, since we don’t have any Harvards or Dartmouths in Malaysia, I suppose that we can skip that part over sending them to a preferable institution of higher education. It’s definitely overseas for them…I mean, come on…can you imagine telling your kids that they’re going to the HELP University College? Or that they can continue their higher education in Subang Jaya? I think not.

…then again, this would mean that they’d have to be nerdish to a certain extent. So…a Seth Cohen for a son, and a Marissa Cooper as a daughter. Easy.

Anyway, inviting the children over was fun. If not a bit too loud for everybody’s tastes. The question of why they were all Indian has popped up many times. I don’t really understand it, though…what difference does it make? People who’re in need are ultimately just that: in need. In terms of organizational competency, I’d rate ourselves as 4 out of 10 for trying our best to get the kids together. Special thanks to Melyza for achieving what we couldn’t achieve…then again, you are an icon for maternal instincts. *insert protruding tongue emoticon here*

The Christmas tree is going to be left lit up. And speaking of which…where’s Christmastree? Wherever you are, hope you’re holding up fine.

Sunday. Perfect.

finley quaye + william orbit - dice

finley quaye + william orbit - dice

too lazy to say anything today, though it's been another eventful few days. will try to get off my arse and actually make a statement. for the meantime, this is from the o.c. mix 1. it plays when ryan's rushing to kiss marissa to usher in the new year.
-------------------------------------------
i was crying over you
i am smiling, i think of you
where your gardens have no walls
breathe in the air if you care, you compare, don't say farewell

nothing can compare
to when you roll the dice and swear your love's for me
nothing can compare
to when you roll the dice and swear your love's for me

i was crying over you
i am smiling, i think of you
misty mornings and water falls
breathe in the air if you care, you compare, don't say farewell

nothing can compare
to when you roll the dice and swear your love's for me
nothing can compare
to when you roll the dice and swear your love's for me

nothing can compare to when you roll the dice and swear your love's for me

virtuous sensibility
escape velocity

nothing can compare to when you roll the dice and swear your love's for me

nothing can compare to when you roll the dice and swear your love's for me
nothing can compare to when you roll the dice and swear your love's for me
breathe in the air if you care, you compare, don't say farewell

nothing.

The [unexpected] return of the father.

The [unexpected] return of the father.

That’s right…you’ve read it correctly. My father has returned, with his knack for coming back from out of the blue intact. I suppose that it was only a matter of time before it happened, but I didn’t expect it to be so soon. It happened two days ago; I heard the doorbell ring at a particularly strange hour in the morning, looked outside, and I saw the top of a slightly bald head, reaching down to bring in some luggage. Horror of horrors. He might be here all the way up through Christmas, bless him. This brings about a few problems.

#1: Biz Council/HELP Idol work is going to be very tight. He’s already voiced opposition towards my extracurricular activities [but it’s justified, since I’m the antithesis to the generic Chinese student].

#2: No May Ann. No social life, for that matter. I can’t really go out since he’s back, just because he’s back. I’ve got to spend time with him. Even though he’s usually

a) sleeping on the couch, or;
b) always going out to do his dastardly deeds.

I could always use the excuse of going over to my mom’s, but that can only work so much. So what’s a boy to do?

Stay home. Which means more chores [justifiable], being grounded [irritating, but justifiable], and getting lectured [horrible inexcusable]. It’s the freedom issue again. I’d get used to this after a while. Though I’ve realized that I have no idea how long he’s going to be staying here. But just for this Christmas season…my perfect gift from him…would be his departure back to Brazil.

Come on…he left three weeks ago. I know I’m being an arse, but...I just want my freedom for a few more months.

Please.

Biz Council news...

Went shopping for gifts…the kids from the orphanage need some cutlery and mugs, so we bought some. We bought a few school bags and files and stationery, and then…*bang*…Lena Choong happened. We told her about what we bought, and she proceeded to blast us about not consulting her prior to our decision to buy everything. Justifiable again, totally, but…I don’t have the heart to tell her that we should be able to make some decisions as well. Though I have to say…her reasoning is exact.

But still…I love Lena to bits. She’s like the big sister that I never had that I wouldn’t want but secretly would love to keep. But there’re times when she just really does remind me of a particular friend that I have and it becomes a total turn-off because she just has to be right, all the time. But I suppose that I’d turn into that as well if I was in charge of a bunch of ‘kids’. And telling her that we’d want more autonomy in our decision making would make it a bit harder for us. But I also wouldn’t want anyone else telling her the obvious. I don’t know. I’d rather shoulder the blame for everything than have her blame everyone. It’s only right. I’m not trying to be noble, but it does spare everyone else the pressure.

And I think I’m the only one who really isn’t scared of her. Maybe I’m just too used to it.

Dad’s back. Staff advisor being her usual self.

What’s new?

of hats and reindeer.

of hats and reindeer.

i don't enjoy boredom. i don't desire to always hang around the computer and emote myself freely to the free world. but there're times when i just can't help it. you know...those times where you'd prefer to sit around and do nothing at all and just sit down at your pc and watch episodes of anime, or a tv series, or whatnot? pornography notwithstanding, there're a lot of things that can be done at the convenience of your fingertips in your own room. who wants to go to college? let me bloody finish off the first season of the o.c., which i still haven't done yet despite promising myself a break. i'm not saying that i'm overworked [on the contrary, in fact], but i'm still bogged down with enough work that i can't even play a game of fifa. i've got music downloaded that i can't commit listening time to because...well, just because. and it's annoying. i can remember when my life involved lazing around at home and going to justin's just to hang out. it still happens now, definitely, but not as much.

and boredom, friends, beats dressing up as santa. but there're a few things that i've got to make clear, first, and after considering this points, you can see why i blame myself for being the stupid one:

1) i volunteered

2) it was kinda fun, being a crabby old man. i played against type, and i'm damn proud of it.

a white, fat, jolly old man in a red suit? make him tall, less fat, and chinese. yes, let's do that. put him in a suit that easily rips, with holes in the pants, and voila...a santa to go. luckily, i've already found a [ready and willing and believable] replacement. and there's only one week left. and we still can't find willing donors. that's the problem. not to mention the fact that it's still a bad time to hold any events in college. help idol inclusive. but, me being myself, i do believe that all this works out. eventually.

and i've also come to the conclusion that most malaysians are easily amused. even tow trucks taking cars away can be a highlight of a day, if perceived correctly.

brilliant.

the fact that we're easily amused stems down from one main, if not distinguishing, factor:

we have absolutely nothing to do anymore.

i can't do anything incredibly [moderately] spontaneous in this country without paying out of my nose. the main dating ritual involves a movie and dinner or one and the other. i can't even be me without someone looking at me funny. and where does this all lead to? madness? boredom? willful submission to a government whose led by [let's face it] two incredibly boring men?

i'm not hoping for bombs to go off or anything, but...come on...make something happen. where's the magic in living? i used to play baseball in the park back in manhattan...granted, kl is no manhattan, but...come on.

i guess we all demand more out of our lives. everyday.

still, boredom notwithstanding...hectic weeks are better than quiet ones. though they could at least just let me spend more time at home. i don't care if it's because i'm the biz council president [for the record, honestly,
i really don't like the term 'president' or any other similar titles]...everybody needs a break.

on the bright side, we have less than a month from a new year.

cast your fears aside, children. december has arrived.