Monday, February 28, 2005

post-limbo affliction.


i suppose that the lesson learnt during the last five days or so is that it's always better to pay your outstanding bills while you still can, before the Man decides to cut your connection off and suspend your account, thus causing you much pain in paying and waiting for it to be reactivated. curse the Man. sometimes, the only person that you can rely on is yourself. which is true for most times, anyway. so that again explains my disappearance...if you consider it, i've been offline for almost two weeks, and i've been none the wiser. i didn't do much when i couldn't come online, so i can safely assume that my place is in front of a pc, just...hanging around.

this is a monday morning that brings much guilt to it. i'm not going for class; namely, my first relationship marketing tutorial. because i know what the questions are...as well as the answers. amazing, isn't it? i'm not saying that i'm too good for it...i'm just saying that i'm lazy. not a good way to start things, is it? i've got project management [like i said, for some strange reason, i'm looking forward to it], and after that, from 5:00 p.m. to 6:30 p.m., advanced statistics...again.

you can't feel any enthusiasm when you repeat subjects, obviously.

mmmph. i'll be back.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Your Future Starts Now.


Today, after the true impact of how good leaving HELP in two semesters sounded hit me, I’d come to the decision that it’d be my new primary objective in life: leave the fucking place. Get out. Finish the degree. Escape. Within the next 8 months. Please, God…let me. Those were the thoughts. The truth, though, may still be a little off. But it can’t be that bad, I suppose. So, a new resolution: leave HELP [or at least the academic part of it] by the end of 2005. Let the year of the cock be a good year…after all, it’s the year of the cock, right? Which means that boys and men can have it good, no?

Isn’t the rooster a sign of virility in some cultures?

My name is Tai. Some call me Foo Hing. Others call me Ian. Some call me idiot. Some call me genius. Today, I’m none of them. Today, I’m someone who wants to get away from it all and take a break. And the only way to do that would be to overcome my own shortcomings on the playing field and own up to being a screw-up that I really am.

Problem #1: I’ve already owned up to it. Millions of times.

Problem #2: After “getting away from it all and taking a break”, I’m going to start working. Back into the fire from the frying pan.

But I want to finish. I really do. Two more semesters. I can’t fuck up.

And the extracurricular activities? Now, that’s a bitch.

Here we go.

Again.

Monday, February 21, 2005

I’m Back.

It’s a Monday, a new week, a new semester, a[nother] fresh start, and I’m back after a week offline. Let’s say that leaving your modem on during a storm shouldn’t be attempted. No matter how many free modems your ISP gives you. Anyway, now that we’ve cleared that, I’d like to say that everything is peachy. I can confirm that if I pass all my subjects, I’ve got two more semesters left in HELP. Two semesters: six subjects, excluding Accounting 2. That’s a bitch.

HELP Idol starts on Wednesday, with me participating. I’ll be doing a song that the Bee Gees wrote, spawning countless cover versions, with the penultimate cover version being that done by a more than apt British boyband which just so happened to spawn the demon that is Robbie Williams. Hopefully, I’ll get to do a Robbie song if I make to the semis, but let’s face it…nobody’s really that interested in hearing a fat Chinese boy sing.

The Ball, which has gone through a few changes, is now known as (The) Red Carpet. This is better, coz the previous incarnation of it was Phoenix. Very Chinky, despite it being based on the Egyptian/Babylonia version of the Phoenix…sometimes, you can’t escape Chinkdom. I’m proud of being Chinese, but not to the extent of fully immersing myself into a culture and discrediting the culture that I was brought up in.

But you already knew that, didn’t you?

So what goes on from here? Studying. My subjects for this semester are Project Management, Advanced Business Statistics and Relationship Marketing, the latter two which I’m repeating…again. It gets tiresome, and I’m sick of seeing Mr. Chew Eng Khuan for the umpteenth time. The same goes for Dr. Bencigar Arachi. I love them, they’re great, but…enough is enough. Which is why…I have to get through this semester. I just do. I don’t want to be in HELP all my life. I’m not Van Wilder. The parties here are tame. And I don’t like wild parties, anyway.

Don’t tell anyone that…can you keep a secret?

So here I am, just happy to be online again. Downloading what has got to be the greatest American phenomenon to hit television in a while: American Idol. Despite it being on the air for the last 4 years, you have to admit…it’s reality television with taste. Which is a lot more than I can say for some of our local fare. Don’t accuse me of being unpatriotic.

How many of us can admit to watching any local shows? With the exception of Spanar Jaya, which I loved for some strange reason [oh, Deanna Yusoff is a goddess…I don’t care what they say…and Wardina was heavenly before she decided that a tudung was the way to go…not that I’m trying to offend any Muslims who might possibly be reading this, out of the blue…you random readers, you]. Let’s not forget Kopitiam, and Being/Staying Together [that show that was sponsored solely by Sony]. Maybe they were over the top and somewhat bland, but they weren’t that bad.

Admit it.

Mmph. I’m back. This blows.


Thursday, February 10, 2005

A Family Tai, Part 2.


Reunions can either be joyous, boisterous affairs, or they could turn out like shit. Depending on who’s going to be there, you know that you’re bound for an interesting time, especially if there’re a clash of interests and perspectives held about everything. Fortunately, my immediate family holds only one pet peeve: a quaint dislike of Christians, or at least one of my missionary aunts (she’s not really a missionary, but she loves to spread the Word). I’ve just come back from two open house functions and a sit-in, and it’s been good. Yesterday (Day 1 of Chinese New Year) was spent mixing it up with the aunts and uncles whom I haven’t seen since one of my uncles’ wedding dinners back in November. Or December. Whenever.

Anyway, all things considered, I can say that my aunt [as in my eldest immediate uncle’s wife] knows my aunt. The latest Tai trend?...Buddhism. My aunt has borrowed a scripture book, and my uncle’s wife commented that my aunt was such an egoistical and proud person that Buddhism might not be the right religion for her. I agree.

Though she probably wouldn’t.

No one’s asked where my father is, and rightfully so…all I can tell them would be to ask my aunt. Daddy isn’t here. Again.

There’s nothing much to write about, really. Chinese New Year celebrations go on like clockwork. But I really don’t want this break to end.

You can’t always get what you want.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

A Family Tai, Part 1.


I don’t really know my first cousin…he’s not really my cousin at all. He was adopted by my eldest uncle, and brought up like a son should be. Then, in March ’83, my second cousin was born, and then I was born in August that same year. Things sort of changed after that. The first cousin was then shipped off and sent to my aunt’s (my uncle’s wife’s) family in Johor, only to come back occasionally. Now, he’s still there, working…I guess. I really don’t know. Sometimes I think that my biological cousin remembers that he has a “brother” out there.

My father said that my biological cousin was a miracle to my uncle and his wife, which is why they decided to dump the adopted son. Everyone else knows about this, but I wonder if my bloodlined cousin knows? And if he doesn’t know, how would he react if he found out? Now, it’s not my place to judge and all, but isn’t it lacking of dignity to do that to the “firstborn”? Isn’t it wrong? Why get rid of him? What would it prove?

I hope that I get to see him during Chinese New Year. That would be cool.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

Some Chinks Are Better Than Others.


I know that this is going to be another racial generalization, but I have the view that Malay people are a lot more accepting towards foreign cultures than the Chinese will ever be. Malay culture prides itself of humility and submission, as well as a true desire for learning (from the Islamic viewpoint). The Chinese, on the other hand, couldn’t care less about anything else other from themselves; this might be a good thing in certain circles, but at the same time, an isolationist approach to life isn’t how it should be lived. You can debate with me over this one, though. Anyway, the (lack of) acceptance of culture on the part of the Chinese can probably be caused by two things: either they don’t understand or they don’t wish to desire to.

I was screening American Idol at the Business Department, and a group of Chinks were taking a look at the New Orleans auditions. They were either laughing at the fact that a fat guy was showing the camera around New Orleans, or the fact that New Orleans didn’t look all that different from Melaka to them. Which, in fact, might be true, but granted one difference: New Orleans is French. Anyway, point in mind is that, if they were laughing at the place, why? I know a few people who’d look at Malaysia and laugh (I am in no way stating the New Orleans’ culture is as diverse as our own), but…why laugh? I don’t think it was the fat guy they were laughing at, really…which brings me to my second point.

The fat dude (I’ve forgotten his name, sorry) sang a rendition of Do You Know What It Means to Miss New Orleans?, which he did rather well…though I know a few people who wouldn’t think so. The Chinks didn’t get that it was a way for something to be sung. They assumed that he was out there to make an arse out of himself and laughed themselves silly…which, in a way, shows that they totally didn’t get it. Anyway, he more than passed the audition, and the Chinks were genuinely surprised that what he did was not only acceptable, but downright good.

Like I said, this might be a generalization here, but the chinky Chinks will never, ever, grasp the true essence of any culture apart from their own. And yes, maybe there really isn’t anything else besides Bengdom to care about, but I’m pretty sure that there’s a lot more going on than just being feng tau. Whatever that means.

This is one of the few instances in my life that I wish I was in Singapore. One of the few.

I know that I’m sounding condescending. I probably am. But, before we start celebrating the meaning of Chinahood with the upcoming Chinese New Year celebrations, I think we should all take time to reassess ourselves. Being Chinese once meant going the world over and exploring new horizons. Shouldn’t we still be doing that today? Do yourself a favour. Acquire some good taste.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Federal Day.


Amazingly enough, even after more than a decade in Kuala Lumpur, I still feel like a stranger here sometimes. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I don’t speak proper Chinese after all this time, or maybe it’s because I’ve never grasped the whole Muhibbah thing because I didn’t have childhood friends from different races (then again, everyone I know is racist in some way), or maybe it’s because I’ll always feel that I should be owed a little extra because I believe myself to be a little bit more special due to my background. Granted, I’m not wealthy at all, when you compare me to the people who should have what I’ve had, but at the same time, what I’ve gained in my lifetime has been worth so much more than they could possibly hope to attain in theirs.

This place still reeks of unpolished crudeness. You’ve got a set of the tallest buildings in the world, the world’s tallest flagpole (it still brings snickers to my mind when I think about it), but you’ve still got a large group of people who drive like they graduated from foot-pedaling rickshaws yesterday. You’ve still got people who don’t know the repercussions of littering (never mind about the birds choking on dumped plastic items…what about the smell of it all?); you’ve still got people who can’t be bothered to queue in line; you’ve still got people with the mindsets that co-operation is more of an obligation than a luxury.

More importantly, in the city itself, you’ve still got a massive class barrier that’s never going to be transcended as long as you have politicians who are willing to win the people’s votes but unwilling to do the people’s work. And this is where the true spirit of Muhibbah reigns; Malay, Chinese, Indian fat men who run around proclaiming great things for a country, but who can’t be bothered to take action for civilians desperately in need for help. As the whole Vision 2020 thing (Justin would say that it’s a great pun) comes to a head, how much further do we have to go? You can move all the squatters and the underprivileged to low cost housing units as much as you want, but the poverty line is getting lower, and the divide between the classes grows all the more larger.

There’s no stopping it. Rich Malays don’t care about what happens to the little people. The rich Chinese are too busy amassing bigger fortunes. And the rich Indians? It’s not like they’re really bothered about the progress of their own race as opposed to the progress of their own kind. The Federal Territory, for all its grandeur and sophistication, reeks of tastelessness, and is home to the world’s most uncouth citizens. Besides Singapore, of course. But that’s a totally different story.

Do you think I’m generalizing? I might be, but somehow, I don’t think so. One brilliant thing about KL-ites (and Malaysians in particular) is how critical they can be. There’re no hands-on people here; we have great ideas that never find a practical reality, no matter how feasible the idea is. And it’s basically because we have no voice; we can’t be bothered to give any effort to what we do. We critique, and then we sit back and wait for results, whilst doing nothing to make things easier.

And we forget. Promises made are not broken; only not kept. Which is bad enough as it is. People might cite logistical difficulties in helping everyone out, but in a place that’s renowned for tracking those who owe the municipality overdue parking summonses, even after years, can’t they use a bit of the resources utilized to accomplish that to make life better for those who need it?

I be a hypocrite, but for now, let me just say this:

All Federal Day does is celebrate the grandeur of the city of Kuala Lumpur and the mediocrity of the people living in it.

Prove me wrong, you fuckers.