"guilty"
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it sounds a lot better than it reads when it's sung. trust me.
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i'm not guilty
i'm not to blame
you know my heart and
you know my pain

i don't need an alibi
i don't need an alibi

i'm not lying
i'm don't deceive
you let me down
you let me bleed

i don't need an alibi
i don't need an alibi
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"the elements of the jam"
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the malaysian jam is one that boggles the mind. it's like a flash mob without the people, with a lot of cars in their place --- after some time, it just disappears...and it leaves you wondering how and where it started in the first place. take for example, my trip to college. after hitting the overpass from bangsar that eventually leads to duta, there was heavy congestion. which seemed to dissolve once the entrance to the road leading to college was reached. no cars were turning into the road to lighten the load, mind you. it was just mindless congestion. just like how it is with every other weekday morning. nothing new, really. the premise is simple: take a lot of cars, slow them all down without a catalyst of causation (an accident, for instance) and mix well. and watch. and wait. nine times out of ten, some idiot(s) has caused massive blockage because he has to move from the speed lane to the sunway exit...while right at the exit's mouth. novel.

rush hour in kl can either be hell...or more of it. moving around on the narrowest roads this side of gotham is pain. buses taking up half the roads doesn't seem to help. it's as though someone from above had systematically subliminally messaged to everyone that rush hour periods were there to move as slowly as possible and that being late for work was encouraged. that's got the be the case, because no sensible driver would want to be stuck in the middle of nowhere, running the risk of overheating their car or whatnot, yea? so the question remains: why do they? oh, well. although some accidents just can't be avoided. jams or otherwise.

take the classic sandwich: a car in the speed lane suddenly brakes hard, prompting the car behind it to do so, albeit too late, and the process continues, and the poor second car has been royally screwed. or what about something similar to the case above, only involving cars #1 and #2? a disastrous mix of fun gawking. oh, yea. let's not forget the gawkers. the ones who gape and watch, constantly scouting for potential 4d winning numbers. i could say that it's a total lack of apathy on the part of all driverts and that taking pleasure out of someone else's misery is wrong, but...i guess i'll just stop.

the major accidents do happen. we don't get to see many of them. not when a nudge or a bump would suffice.

i hope that the traffic's good for you later.

"another monday morning"
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waking up a 5:30 isn't everyone's proverbial cup of tea. which is why i went back to sleep. waking up at 6:10 isn't everyone's proverbial cup of tea, either. but i settled for it. i'm not saying that i'm totally a subservant to the system; i just had nothing better to do. after missing some monday morning classes (accidentally or otherwise), i took it upon myself to come. early, no less. it's 7:25. i've been here for 10 minutes. there're 4 people in this building, including me. so far.

if i forget to mention it, i've got a crew cut. it was worth a shot, just to try out. it doesn't look that bad, really; i just never knew how round my face was. children were laughing at me. justin was more than buoyant. oh, wait; that was because Ferrari won. anyway, today's response should be priceless. then again, i wouldn't really know. and i thought shorter hair was bad...this is nigh close to the epitome.

and for the fun of it, i decided to trek out today with my old BodyPac bag, which doesn't go all that well with my discman. it kept on buffering up to a point where it stopped playing, which isn't very appealing when you're listening to Fatboy Slim. I've had the Sony for almost a year now --- still working, but still having extremely dodgy shock protection.

i better stop here. writing to myself is weird.

"the hand that rocks the cradle"
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would childcare be a more viable option than having a maid in the house? is leaving your young in the hands of a domestic worker really that advisable? sure, the domestic worker is there for a reason...to keep your home in order, and to also take care of your kids. some maids are good...they really do perform in the line of duty, thus their tenures are renewed and everything is alright. and then, we've got the other maids, who don't do all that much, but do it anyway. and then we have maids who abuse the young, taking advantage of the situation granted to them. is it the venting of the oppression they feel? or are they all sadistic in nature? what proper guidelines have been taken to ensure that they're alright for the job? psychiatrical evaluations? background checks? i bet none are taken. agencies just hire on a whim. some choices are good, some choices are bad. i guess it's not knowing how it's going to be until there's a baby with burns on its ass to give away the fact that something is incredidbly wrong.

with my dad being who he is, we've had maids overseas in the past. the first maid in laos was someone who stole my dad's underwear on a regular basis. she was sacked when the cabinet was nigh on empty. after that, we had people who we could trust...it was all good. brazil. my dad sacked this filipino couple who'd been working with the residence for a while already. i don't really know why, but i think my dad had a major problem with them. or so he says. i don't know if he's using the same maid as we hired last year, but if he did, then i guess it's okay. my experience with hired help has been good, probably because i haven't had any at home here, and because overseas, most people are scared of my father [which is just plain ridiculous, really].

when my grandmother was bedridden, there was a maid here taking care of her, up to a point when she couldn't take it anymore and left. after a few more, my uncle decided to step in and do it himself. he now takes care of my grandfather, who doesn't need to be taken care of, besides the usual scream about how he's an asshole [which he most totally is]. domestic help isn't really necessary here, seeing how everyone easily does things for themselves.

the elderly needing help, i can understand. but leaving children with maids...not too good. but then again, since companies don't actually invest into proper childcare facilities for their employees, what's a parent to do? unless they're fortunate enough to work from the home [and profit], they've got no choice. however, by adding childcare into the corporate agenda, a lot of good can be achieved. the only question is, is anybody going to bother, and who? people have no choice but to willingly put their children at risk. would you?

come tomorrrow, my cat would've been gone for a week. that's right...a week. how did this happen, you'd ask? like this: my uncle took back in his clothes for drying since it was drizzling, and the cat ran out. just like that. there're other theories, such as my uncle selling her off or accidentally killing her [due to his incredibly quick response to my querying of where the cat was], but the fact remains that she's gone. it's quite depressing, seeing how i spent money on her. from her dewormer, to her food. to the pain that i felt when she bit and clawed. to taking dumps wherever she wanted to. we tolerated it, and in doing so, we learned to love her even more.

so where is she now? how the hell am i supposed to know? all i can say is, baby, wherever you are, you always have a standing invitation to come back.

that was lame.