Sunday, October 28, 2007

Word salad.

These last few weeks have been rather stale. I haven't felt the twitch of inspiration to do anything remotely interesting with the old folks out of the house; it's been more of a case of curling up in front of the TV and falling asleep, hoping that I wouldn't wake up with a sore anus after being manhandled by five Indian burglars.

Alas, while I'm living out my paranoid delusions by locking up everything in the house, I've wallowed deeper and deeper into a pit of longing and despair, where even a smidgen of human contact would make me a happy camper for days on end.

It's not easy, being a hermit. The only thing missing in my case is a beard and scraggy hair.

Apart from all the negligent aspects of my increasingly subdued life (methinks that it's basically a transition to a full-on repeated quarter-life crisis), I've got around two weeks to prepare for what could hopefully be my last dance with academia ever.

Wish me luck, even though I haven't really started doing anything about it. Forewarned is forearmed; I hope I do remember that.

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Thursday, October 18, 2007

Men can move mountains.

Boy, 3, training to climb Mt Kinabalu next year

Raring to go: Mohd Noor and Sahrul Nizam giving the thumbs-up at their home in Kuala Terengganu yesterday.
KUALA TERENGANU: He's only three years old but Sahrul Nizam Mat Noor has started training to climb Mount Kinabalu next year and celebrate his birthday on the summit.

If he makes it, he will become the youngest ever to have made it up the mountain.

Sahrul Nizam started training under his seasoned mountaineer father Mohd Noor Mat Amin from the second day of Hari Raya. He will set off with his father on June 8 to hike up the mountain and reach the peak on June 13, which is his birthday.

Mohd Noor said they have to start much earlier as his son would most likely develop muscle cramps and have to rest frequently due to his tender age.

“Nevertheless, Sahrul Nizam is coping with the gruelling training session that I am putting him on now,” said Mohd Noor who is in the Malaysia Book of Records for climbing solo to the peak of Mount Kinabalu 50 times.

“My son has always been curious about what it is like at the peak.

“I asked whether he wanted to celebrate his birthday at the top of the mountain and he nodded happily, so I am helping to make his wish come true,” he said after a dinner organised by Mentri Besar Datuk Seri Idris Jusoh on Tuesday.

* * * * * * * * *

I'm going to assume that the boy has no idea what's going on...the father could've made a statement about the boy swallowing his cum for his birthday and the little tyke would've been all smiles to that suggestion as well. And I'd love to know what consists of a 'gruelling training session' for a 3 year old.

Whatever happened to those times when kids would ride their tricycles and play with worms?

Is it really the boy's wish or just expectations placed by a terribly overzealous father?

Go let him play in the sandbox.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

(Don't) touch me.

Teen girls molested my son, claims mum

ALOR STAR: The mother of a six-year-old boy has lodged a police report claiming that her son was sexually abused by several teenage girls in a children’s home run by a state welfare department.

The boy was sent to the home in Kepala Batas two years ago under a court order and his mother, a 38-year-old divorcee, only takes him back during festive holidays.

His mother, a tamarind seller, said she found out about the sexual abuse and claims of orgies involving the teenagers and the children when she saw her son “acting funny” with his elder brother.

The boy claimed that the kakak-kakak jahat (bad sisters) beat up the children if they did not do their bidding and gave explicit details of what he and the others had to do, including being stripped naked.

He said one of the girls threw a piece of wood at him when he refused to engage in sexual acts, showing a smashed toe with the nail removed.

Nak jadi polis. Bila besar, nak tangkap kakak-kakak jahat. (I want to be a policeman. When I grow up I want to arrest the bad girls),” he said when asked what his ambition was.

His mother, who lodged a report at the Kota Setar police station last Thursday, does not want to send him back to the home.

“There is too much bad influence there,” she said.

“How could the operators of the home allow this to happen? Why were they not taking care of the children?”

It is learnt that the case has been referred to the Kepala Batas district police headquarters.

A Penang Welfare Department official has directed staff at the home to investigate the allegations.

The official said the two girls named by the boy were no longer staying at the home.

One was transferred to another home in Arau, Perlis a month ago, while the other had run away.

He also said that the pre-schoolers were placed in a different building, together with babies.

“There is always an attendant taking care of them. Logically, there is no room for such orgies to occur as the older girls and the pre-schoolers are staying in different blocks.

“However, we will investigate the complaint,'' he added.

* * * * * * * * * *
Okay. Let's ignore the likelihood that the little boy might be possibly traumatized for life. Forget about the fact that Malaysia's full of perverts, and that if the propsed online perv list comes to fruition, I might have to leave the country immediately (I'm kidding...I hope).

That's one randy children's home. Apprentice dominatrix girls! Sadomasochism! Orgies!

Who can resist, honestly? If what we've read is true, then the authorities can either apprehend the culprits involved, or...as a matter of speaking...impart their own sense of 'justice' upon the girls.

Or they could just sate the girls' appetites and recruit willing individuals to serve their wishes out. Before something unpleasant happens.

It's such a pity that the potentially guilty parties are gone, though.

(It might be awfully insensitive of me to say this, but one day that boy will realize how incredibly privileged he was to be in that position.)

Though it just occurred to me that these girls could be deprived (an understatement) and very ugly.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Lord, send me an angel (again).

You'd expect that an act of admitting a lack of an ability to maintain a stable relationship to be a cathartic experience, but sadly, it's not. I'm quite convinced that it'd be a lot more fun for an animal rights activist to line up a baby monkey in a sniper scope and pull the trigger than it is to embark upon a journey of uncertainty and raw emotions without a predetermined, happy conclusion to feel secure with.

There isn't any substitute for love; there's not enough chocolate in the world to overcome the fleeting tingling sensation of sensuous enlightenment you get when you clutch someone's grip into your own. Sadly, when things go asunder, there's no real sedative for the niggling itches that you can't scratch off and the doubts that you can't shake.

Moments stretch into days that, in turn, stretch into years where you're still wondering what went wrong.

No amount of labia licking or frenium fondling can divert your mind from the fact that once upon a time, physical stimulation came secondary to the genuine warm, fuzzy feeling that your receptors were tuned for.

Sadly, love is the blue chip that only goes southwards once you buy into it. It's the worst investment that you can ever make. The only conclusion that anyone can see is its end, be it in a shallow pool full of nubile, topless girls, or at your spouse's death bed at the very end.

There still isn't a substitute for it. But on mornings like these, I wonder if it's worth the trouble when an alternative form of gratification I can get stems from my left hand.

Love thyself. It's a whole lot more convenient.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

I left my heart in Toh Payoh.

Whenever I feel terribly lonely, I tend to chat with the bots that I play with in Counter-Strike. I often wonder what would happen if I received a reply to my rants about how the usual lack of artificially imbued team spirit was pulling the team down.

It'd be very likely that I'd freak out, and wonder if the reply was a product of my own delusions brought upon by bouts of solitary living. I'd subsequently quit the program, only to be seduced to re-enter it. And the bots would slowly (but surely) convince me to embark of a quest of pure deviousness, which would end with my bloody, lifeless body squeezing two M40s after having been gunned down by the Singaporean Civil Defense after trying to claim Lum May Yee for Malaysia.

Not that she's really worth the trouble. Though I wouldn't mind.

2 months to go.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

No, I can't draw guns properly.

Some may boast to be living lightning bolts; Billy Bolt is nothing but. With enough panic attacks, insecurities and neuroses to bowl over any normal man, Billy spends more time battling his issues than he does battling the villains. Will he ever overcome his shortcomings before they shock him to death? Billy Bolt is...the Perplexed Lightning Man!

Morty was a Leporidae researcher, until that fateful day where a stray lightning bolt struck shelves of chemicals. The chemicals fell onto a nearby hare (caged for scientific research) who then died as a result; however, the essence of the rabbit fused with the chemicals, which in turn were inhaled by Morty. Changing his appearance to that of a thumper, and unleashing his inner homicidal tendencies, Morty is now the Rabbit: Assassin for Hire!