Sunday, March 14, 2004

"in this life"
--------------
everybody needs somebody sometimes; if not always. one thing about chantal's song is that it talks about comfort/security in knowing that there's someone there for you for everything. or we could just listen to the moffatt's i'll be there for you, but, no. sounds lame, but i'm kinda sure i had this once, yea? it's about more than just being with someone...it's about being their pillar through whatever, even when it's not needed. i miss that. yea, well. here we go.

chantal kreviazuk - in this life
-----------------------------------
Let me show you what I'm made of;
Good intentions are not enough
To get me though today and this life.

You're in the basement watching the TV,
I'm on the second floor watching the ceiling.
We sleep underneath the same big sky at night.
I dream the same dream; we can fly.

You can run from me
You can hide from me
But I am right beside you
In this life.

Let me tell you who you really are;
You're my comfort,
You're not a superstar.

I can reach up and bring you back down to the ground;
And give you everything you dream about.

You can run from me
You can hide from me
But I am right beside you
In this life.

I'll give you all the things that I never get,
Give you all I have and have no regret,
Take you to the places that I've never been,
Forgive you for all the things that you can't forget,
Take away the pain with my healing hands,
Wash away your sins and set your spirit free.

You can run from me
You can hide from me
But I am right beside you
In this life.

Let me show you what I'm made of.
"through the window"
-------------------------
it's not truly an uphill struggle that's encountered when you're trying to let go of something. it doesn't matter who that person is, it could be a deceased, a lover, a friend, whoever...letting go and accepting things as they are should never be a difficult thing. you can wash your hands and say, "hey, that's it, what's done is most utterly done". i've got a struggle in me; it's to recognize that things can't go back to what they were, and the question now is, is it worth holding on to that belief that they can?

it hasn't been that long, but i'm still angry, i'm still distressed, i still worry. i feel absolutely gutted that the best thing in my life just decided to walk away without giving me a change to prove myself. let's get to the retrospective; left me when i was ready to change. for the better? as wrong as it sounds, you betcha. damn straight. i would've given her anything she wanted, time, even...i still would, if she asked of it. you just don't go and act by yourself and cut things off because you think it's better for two people.

you want to selfish for yourself, go ahead, but it's you...someone who lives by the mantra of doing the best that you can, a mantra that we lived by, more or less. it's not everyday that it's forcibly removed from the picture so that you can take advantage of a situation. it's not fair for me, who was absolutely ecstatic over your return. you really just tore whatever it was in me and wringed it and decided that it wasn't quite good enough.

how do you deal with that? you might think that it's not that bad, but who are you to judge? what you meant to be, was quite much everything. you can say that it wasn't that bad for you, and you're right...it wasn't. but what about me? what am i s'posed to do? take it lying down? i want you with me. i still hurt. and if i still hurt, what does that mean? what difference would it make if we'd talked it over? loads.

drop all the bombshells you want. the sad fact of the matter is, i can't do without you.
"soft bounce"
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this was going to be a short entry telling you all about the brilliance of having rediscovered the meaning behind the cardigans' lovefool, but i think i'll let you all find out for yourselves over that matter...but in short, download the song, listen to it properly and sit with me in wondering "how many times have i been there?". i guess going back to something and reapplying it to your life is the only way to learn. oh, and i'm still miserable. i think i like feeling miserable now. strike that. i don't. i might.

anyway. here's my latest soft rock mix. it works rather well.
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john mayer - clarity
stereophonics - maybe tomorrow
ben harper - diamonds on the inside
chantal kreviazuk - in this life
five for fighting - 100 years
jason mraz - you and i both
liz phair - why can't i
melissa etheridge - breathe
jack johnson - taylor
dixie chicks - landslide
damien rice - cannonball
goo goo dolls - slide
train - respect
gin blossoms - until i fall away
santana feat. michelle branch - the game of love
sheryl crow - the first cut is the deepest
matchbox twenty - bright lights
kid rock + sheryl crow - picture
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kind of an eclectic mix...but eclecticism is a virtue. i think.

Saturday, March 13, 2004

"full metal jacket"
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This is my rifle.
There are many like it, but this one is mine.
It is my life.
I must master it, as I must master my life.
Without me, my rifle is useless.
Without my rifle, I am useless.
I must fire my rifle true.
I must shoot straighter than my enemy, who is trying to kill me.
I must shoot him before he shoots me.
I will.
Before God I swear this creed.
My rifle and myself are defenders of my country.
We are the masters of our enemy.
We are the saviours of my life.
So be it...until there is no enemy, but peace.
Amen.

---taken from Stanley Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket
"the osbournes"
-------------------
if life really was as wonky as it is in the osbournes...reality tv with a major difference. i don't know...my life has always been relatively quiet, so i guess that i can safely say that dysfunctionality does not equate to the amount of noise being made by the parties concerned. yea, well. the osbournes is, nonetheless, one hell of a fun show to watch. i've downloaded most of the first season [that elusive episode 6 is a bitch], and a bit of the second season, but for now, the first season needs completion.

Friday, March 12, 2004

"everything you ever wanted"
-----------------------------------
nirvana gives the association that you'll keep coming back to life until you're satisfied. okay, maybe not so, but more or less, similar in principle. so...how much is enough for you? i think humanity loves the idea that too much is not enough. to be insatiable is a norm; poverty is a luxury that a lot of people have. it sounds wrong, but think about it...greed is good, or that's what michael douglas would have you to believe in wall street.

so....what is everything you ever wanted?

that, my friend, is up to you.

Thursday, March 11, 2004

"twist"
-------
if i could love myself
as much as i love you
i'd be going places
no one's ever been to

if i could take the blame
for all that's happened now
i'd get by a little better
i'd get by somehow

you say you know how you can go on through just trying to find it
you say you know how you can go on through just to deny it

well
you walk on by
and
i'll just die here
alone
you walk on by
and
i'll just die here
alone

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

"the armitage shanks song"
---------------------------------
y'know, i'm really sick of reading blogs talking about lost loves and unfulfilled dreams. wait, let me rephrase that...i'm terribly sick of writing blogs about lost loves and unfulfilled dreams. i remember when life was fun and being young didn't involve scamming for exams and rushing for parking spaces. i remember being young as being naive and incredibly open to new ideas and being free. so, without much further adieu...the armitage shanks song.
----------------------
i paid a visit to armitage shanks
caught a whiff of their best brew
i thought i saw a vision of me running
and that's when i just threw

don't take it personal
i really like your face
but my mind's got me
in a pretty fucked up place

i paid a visit to the headshrinker
she gave me good rx
i saw the light at the end of the tunnel
halfway up her dress

i am free
i am one with myself
i am free
i am one with myself

Saturday, March 06, 2004

"the bridges of madison avenue"
--------------------------------------
preview day. boring. nothing happened.

macp. circled around kuchai lama a google times. couldn't find it.

ugh.

Friday, March 05, 2004

"latestay"
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i remember most of my friends from taylor's [it's quite amazing that i actually had any to start off with] usually stayed there til the evening. back then, multiplayer gaming had just taken off with half-life and the early incarnations of cs and starcraft. i didn't really get into any of it [being the social outcast that i was]; all i wanted was to get back home and have a plate of my mom's fried rice. i couldn't really understand how you could spend a whole day at college.

until just now. i stayed in to help out set up the displays that're to go on for tomorrow's "selling". quite fun, until you look out the window and the world's tears are falling all over you again. staying at HELP til 7:30 isn't exactly what i'd call productively spending a friday evening, but it was rather fun. i had dinner at mcD's while wating for the rain to wash itself away. that moment never really came.

i think i'm getting a hang of all this.
"any given thursday"
-------------------------
well, from what i've seen of john mayer's any given thursday dvd, it was worth the payment. granted, RM 15 for a dvd might not be all that much, but it still is RM 15 in the end. i can't give you a track-by-track review because i didn't go through everything meticulously. and U2 elevation 2001 still has to be finished before i can do anything. anyway, it's been an interesting thursday. for my organisational behaviour tutorial group, i got buddied up with some students from china [affectionately known as those china students in HELP --- a generalization]. it wasn't that bad, because they were willing to participate and i sorta got taken aback when they started off in english. i don't even speak mandarin.

lena was her own arresting self. at least she didn't get pissed at me. the fax to viva was sent. no problems. and i got to choose what trophies the best dressed guy and girl are gonna received...not trophies, but plaques. they're not cheap plaques, either. mmmph. tomorrow's going to be a visit to either the national library or universiti malaya library. all this trouble just for one business ethics assignment [i forgot to mention it, but business ethics is purely assignment-based].

oh, well. a hardier man than me might stand the pain...but then, i'd probably be the one telling him to do so. peace.

Monday, March 01, 2004

"fenced in"
-------------
brilliant. they're laying the brick foundation for my gate, so that's alright...except that the gate hasn't been finished. which means that my house is completely open. vulnerable. brilliant. on the bright side, it's a proper wall on the outside now, now just the chain link fence. solid, as some might say. oh, well. had a good day today. woke up at about 6:30, then went back to sleep [always a big mistake!], and woke up to find that i didn't have enough time to shower and do the usual. after a very quick toilet break, i rushed, only to walk to the business campus from college. yea, well.

here's a quick recap of the day so far:

ms. woo [asia-pacific business] is an unorthodox nasal chinky lady. 'nuff said.

despite her aggressive demeanour, ms. ang [organisational behaviour] isn't really that mean. she just yells a lot coz she probably has a quiet voice that fits her stature.

the biz council can be fun. if there were more of us.

even colleges can be bureaucratic.

yea, well.
"rhythm nation"
---------------------
alright. organizing a ball isn't as easy as selling lemonade, but we've added another feather in our cap today. we've got viva, all to ourselves. alright. not all to ourselves, but we can get into viva for free. and that's very, very good news. especially since it's a ladies' night. performances are more or less settled. equipment is still questionable. promotions have begun. it's kinda set...and we might be able to get free cds are prizes! things might be looking up for this short time. i just hope we get the job right.

viva, viva, viva...