Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Money shot!

There was no release after the crescendo --- it quickly died before reaching a climatic finish.

And it stayed dead.
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Fabulous. Feelings of inadequacy, obviously.

Anyway. I'm not one for astrology or the zodiac or horoscopes, but this is interesting filler material.

My Moon's apparently in Gemini. Cue the bad jokes and puns!

  1. I wonder how much he paid and how good it felt for him.
  2. 'That's no Moon...that's a (insert object of choice here)'.
  3. 'The Moon looks like a cookie, but you can't eat it' - The Cookie Monster.
  4. Say, are you mooning me, or are you just happy to see me?
I slay myself. Nonetheless, the following is a description of what I am based on a combination of my Sun and Moon sign.
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The combination of your Sun and Moon signs suggests that you are a person possessed with both action and ideas. This combination blends the vitality, personal warmth, generosity, authoritativeness of Leo, with the intelligence, cleverness, flexibility and adaptability of Gemini.

Your personality is perpetually searching for ways to impress others via these action or achievements, and, especially by matters of the mind, or your ideas. Your mind is facile and intuitive, rather than profound or over serious. Your ability to make good impressions on people serves you well in your public life and in dealing with those within your sphere of influence.

Your ideas, while not based on deep philosophy, are usually plausible, and always delivered with a manner of expression that is persuasive. You like to work with your mind, and you're rarely found working very hard for a living. You believe in easy money and seem to know how to get it without exerting great amounts of physical energy.

Mentally, you would never be called lazy. At times you can become so mentally active that you would turn into a bundle of nerves. You never really stop trying to impress others with what you know, and you are a very interesting conversationalist. You are also very social and love to entertain, especially when your guests are interesting people who stimulate you mentally. Your glib analysis and sharp observations make you a favorite with such groups.

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So I suppose that it all hits a bit too close to home, no?

Mayhaps a little. But, honestly; I'll be damned if my character has been fleshed out by the stars. I'd much rather be an RPG character and receive a +10 Vitality bonus. And a Phoenix Down.

I'm so tired.

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Saturday, June 23, 2007

The day that capitalistic convenience gastronomy was somewhat silenced.

I feel quite sad that the government has banned fast food commercials during childrens' television programming...that's one more hurdle for the Golden Arches and the Colonel to face in this begotten country. I understand that children should be granted the right to nutritious food, but isn't it the responsibility of the parents to ensure that their kids are eating right whenever they're around them? It's not as if children have the power to arm-twist their folks into taking them for a festive fast food frenzy feast, is it...? (Unless modern parents are just merely too busy to bother, or even worse, total pushovers.)

I mean, if little Foo decides to beg and plead and whines and sobs like the little bitch that he is to be taken to McD's, why not just give him a smack and tell him that fast food is the work of the Devil? It worked on me. Of course, I've offsetted the lack of fast food in my childhood and youth with my recent frequent visits to the land of the Golden Arches these last few years, but I was fully informed and aware of the dangers of fast food as a child and teen, and tried my best to maintain a good record for healthy eating. I tried.

Honestly...if you don't want your kids to eat too much fast food (or any fast food at all, if you're picky), it's really your responsibility to ensure that you don't bring them to any outlets...plus, you can also warn them early about the dangers of buying into big-budgeted marketing campaigns; not to buy into what the media sells. Oh...don't give them enough allowance money to grant them the ability to actually visit a fast food joint. Though, admittedly, it'd be hard for them not to cave in to peer pressure; that's where active involvement in their formative years comes into play, no? Why...yes.

There's nothing better than a responsible parent.

Right?

Ah, well. It's as if a completely bored Government has decided to take a shaky stand on an issue that shouldn't even be raised in the first place. I applaud the Government for caring, but why not ensure that all the kids get nutritious, balanced meals at school as well...is there some sort of nationwide campaign championing for better food at school cafeterias? How about properly implementing such a program and taking action against unresponsive cafeteria operators?

How about some form of enforcement against those nice gentlemen who prey upon kids who've just been dismissed from classes, peddling ice cream? Mayhaps the Government can run an uproariously hillarious ad campaign that appeals to all ages by showing how prolonged consumption of fast food turns you from a waif to Ken Davitian's long-lost brother before you turn 25?

On an unrelated yet related issue, it's great to know that the powers-that-be hold the opinion that children aged 12 and under don't read the papers. Campaigns such as the NIE program's attempts to get kids to read the dailies in school would be deemed as failures, then. Let's not forget that chains such as Pizza Hut have been sponsoring such campaigns regularly. Big whoop. Then again, looking at the state of the print media in this country, I'd be quite glad that most kids don't read such trite.

I can be thankful that the ads will still be shown on prime time, no? Like that great wave of anticipation that washes over me each January, when I know that the Prosperity Meal's coming back...with the Prosperity Burger, curly fries and Orange McFizz returning to light up my days (and nights).

You can take the boy out of the fast food, but you can't take the fast food out of the boy. Or is it the other way around? I'm not so sure.

Excuse me, while I enjoy my Spicy McChicken Deluxe.

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Friday, June 22, 2007

Depp walks in.

There's a beauty to an understated entrace. Making a scene doesn't quite cut it anymore.

At the recent 2007 MTV Movie Awards, Johnny Depp won the award for Best Performance. It was one of those times when you thought that it would've been a no-show, but after a few prolonged moments of awkward stillness, the man literally walked out from Stage Right. And was greeted by a standing ovation.

(Take into consideration that I'm not entirely sure if everyone else knew that he'd arrived that evening.)

Call it a form of pretentious starstruckedness, but the man seems like a humble, quiet, quissentially considerate gentleman. A thinking zen, if you will. So yes, he ranks very highly in my list of the world's coolest motherfuckers. Then again, I think that there'd be some cause for debate if I revealed who the other people on my list were.

Once again, it doesn't take grandstanding to leave a lasting impact. (Of course, it does help if you've got the admiration and respect of your peers...or at least a decent bucketload of people who worship and adore you.)

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Pillars.

I'm wondering what the basic tenets of a foolproof schematic that'd guide me through life would be. No doubt, it'd probably take my very essence to follow such a blueprint, but I've always believed that such a schematic would only serve two purposes: to remind you of your weaknesses, and to steer you away from your bad habits. Looking at my list of New Year's Resolutions as well as my own underachievement levels in the past, I gather that a list of daily reminders to lead me through life in a steadfast manner would look something like this:
  1. Don't be lazy; stay fully committed to the task at hand.
  2. Don't procrastinate. You do want your sleep, don't you? God loves a planner.
  3. 'Goreng' is not a food group.
  4. You shouldn't really smoke, lest you intend to hit the big C, or better yet, light a stogie for Satan when you go.
  5. Be nice to your mother. Always breathe and count to 10 whenver she snaps for no reason.
  6. Your father is not an asshole. He's just got a massive stick up his rectum. But you know you love him, no matter what.
  7. Don't be distracted by her shoes.
  8. Stop buying unncessary items. Sushi isn't cheap. Even if it's 20% off after 9:00 p.m.
  9. Stop starting at other girls. You already have someone waiting at home.
  10. Be polite to those around you; ass-kissing is used to polish asses, after all.
  11. Being anal stinks.
  12. Everyone likes you, even if they don't mention it.
That last one scares me, but I don't think I'll ever be able to be shelf my self-consciousness permanently. No matter how hard your heart is towards perceptions, there's always a gremlin or two that picks at your insecurities. It's all in your/my/our heads.

Come to think of it, I was an incredibly timid person up to the time I turned 14. Everything went apeshit from there, which I'm quite happy for...because apeshit is better than quaint. I haven't been living to expectations, and I'm rather proud of it...there's something obviously wrong with that. Maybe it was some desire to work against the system, but now I suppose that the quiet resignation sets in that you can only properly fight the system once you're integrated into it. Or something to that extent.

Either way, I'm so tired of all this. To paraphrase a song, I wish some form of relief would wrap itself around me like a warm glove and fill me up with a bit of radiance. But it doesn't get any easier from here, does it?

What a drag.

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Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Sneaking it past the superego.

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Because I can.

Layer One: On The Outside
Name: Tai Foo Hing
Birth Date: August 4th, 1983
Current status: Grounded for life.
Eye Colour: Dark brown
Hair Colour: Black
Righty or Lefty: Right-handed.

Layer Two: On The Inside

Your Heritage: 1/2 Chinese - Hakka, 1/8th Portuguese, 1/8th Japanese, 1/8th Irish, 1/3 Singaporean, 1/3 Shanghainese. I'm terrible at fractions...which is why I'm only truly 1/2 Chinese.
Your Fears: Death and baldness. Giant spiders. Being squashed by a Sumo wrestler. Jesus chasing after me in the dark.
Your Weaknesses: Girly abs, belly dancers, pretty faces, ditzy girls with funny accents and flesh-baring wenches.
Your Perfect Pizza: Topped with a belly dancer with girly abs, a pretty face, who's ditzy, speaks with a funny accent, who's also consequently a flesh-baring wench...covered with cheese.

Layer Three: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

Your Thoughts First Waking Up: Going back to sleep again.
Your Bedtime: I have issues, therefore I have trouble sleeping.
Your Most Missed Memory: Riding on the back of a pack of dolphins, with the water splitting beneath me, while having Neptune's daughter sucking me off. What bliss.

Layer Four: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: Coke. Because Pepsi isn't the Real Thing.
McDonald's or Burger King: McDonald's. Because it makes me happy.
Single or Group Dates: Single. Because I despise loose change.
Adidas or Nike: Adidas. Because I get more bang for my buck. Nike is for poseurs. Adidas is for people who know. Though if this were open, I'm beginning to opt for Puma's branding. It's all about marketing, baby.
Tea or Nestea: Tea.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla. Because eating shit is for the apes.
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee. Because admitting to drinking cappucinio is like admitting I like smelling flowers on the way out the door.

Layer Five: Do You...
Smoke: Yes. Keep your daughters away from me.
Curse: Yes. Keep your sons away from me.
Think you've been in love: Yes.
Go to school: Nope.
Want to get married: Yes. Because they make it look so fun.
Believe in yourself: Yes. Because I am the sum of all beers.
Think you're a health freak: Nope. Although for a fat guy, it's miraculous that I can jog for 7 kilometers without flinching. I also run faster than anyone I know. Almost anyone. Now you have to decide which one's the lie.

Layer Six: In The Past Month Have you...

Drank alcohol: I can't. I have a liver condition that severely restricts my alcohol consumption. I won't die if I drink, but I'd live to regret it very badly.
Gone to the mall: Yes. I have better tastes than most women I know.
Been on stage: No. There wasn't time to prepare my black leather burlesque costume. Hurrah for cabarets and Dita Von Teese.
Eaten sushi: Yes. My family owns a Japanese restaurant.
Dyed your hair: No. But I consider streaking my hair silver, in commemoration with the 15th anniversary of Aaron Kwok's appearance as Silver Fox in the first Saviour of the Sword movie.

Layer Seven: Have You Ever...
Played A Stripping Game: Oh, naughty.
Changed Who You Were To Fit In: No. Maybe. I doubt it. I think everyone changes, but not everyone does it to fit in. That'd be too easy.

Layer Eight: You're Hoping
To Be Married: ...because I can have sex for free on a daily basis. Marx was right: unpaid labour, indeed.
For a: ...great life, because I might not deserve it as much as you but will probably find a way to cheat people to get there faster.

Layer Nine: In a Girl/Guy
Best Eye + Best Hair Color Combination: Blonde with green eyes. Hah.
Short Hair or Long Hair: A Brazillian. Oh, you meant up there. (Cue drum roll and audience groans.)

Layer Ten: What Were You Doing

1 Min Ago: This survey.
1 Hour Ago: Sleeping.
4.5 Hours Ago: Sleeping.
1 Year Ago: Sleeping.

Layer Eleven: Finish The Sentence
I Love: ...my baby mama.
I Feel: ...like chicken tonight.
I Hide: ...a pack of condoms in the bookcase coz that's the last place they'd look.
I Miss: ...therefore, I shoot.
I Need: ...Pilates.

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Sunday, June 10, 2007

Suggestions for a title would be most welcome.

Most of us enjoy being the center of the earth every once in a while, fully aware of our true calling to be yet another paeon in the scheme of things.

Then they're some of us who think differently. A moment of madness or two presumably grants us the free reign to impart rampage upon a few lives or so, sparing ourselves of any feelings of selfishness or guilt because we think that it's our God-given right, our calling, to do so. In the end, tears are shed, hearts are broken and everybody sleeps unsoundly, not knowing where to move on.

It's amazing how quick you are to repent once you realize the extent of the damage that you'd caused. The hard part is coming to that realization.

Steering through the dreary cacophony that's life is hard enough as it is without people coming in and making matters worse, be it unconsciously or not. What you do and what you say creates a ripple that, one day, will raise a fury so grand that even your dead mother will be popping out of her grave to have a listen. And you'll be at the center of it. Unless you change. Buck up. And fuck off.

There's no point asking for forgiveness when all you have to show for it is a smug grin and an insincere disposition.

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Saturday, June 09, 2007

Touch my big pockets.

There were men who were naked, with the exception of wearing Doraemon masks and thongs. Now, these men were full-sized with six-packed Spartan bodies, but for some strange reason we were at a beach and playing a sport where the objective was to stuff these guys into holes in the sand...and they'd shrink to be fit.

No pun intended, but it was very queer. The thongs were a strange touch. Not to mention the masks.

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Thursday, June 07, 2007

Tonight, we whine in Hell.

I've discovered that I like small increments of happiness to come my way, as opposed to one large bulky parcel of pep. The latter bowls me over so quickly that it can't be enjoyed, whereas receiving small, yet substantial, utils of joy spread out over a period can be pleasing to the senses. The same can't be said of pain, however; I'd rather have something gotten over than to wait and wait in desperate anticipation for it to run its course. I suppose it's all about prolonging enjoyment, which is why most of us would choose Tantric over tantamount...if only we knew how to (quite literally) pull it off like Sting.

There's no discipline involved in instant gratification; it's why I've been such a proponent for it since the beginning. But now, when I'm older and not much wiser, I've finally had the chance to sit down long enough to see that my father was right...grudgingly. Most of us would probably relate instant gratification to the fire of youth, and we'd probably welcome the sedate lifestyle of our elders with open arms when the time came.

You'd probably relent and allow age to come and creep in. It'd only be inevitable, after all. Why squander all your chances by being reckless when it'd be better to play it safe? Wouldn't that prolong your enjoyment, and more importantly, your life?

Once again, my view on things is at a crossroad. I'm impartial to being young and being a geezer. 25 years before my time. If it was possible, I'd say that I was tired of being tired of being young. Well, young-ish.

Suffice to say, I'm royally arsed and confused. Or is it the other way round?

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Saturday, June 02, 2007

Grass below, God above and everything else in between.

From the Economist, June 2, 2007.

A legal blow to religious freedom

"EVERY person has the right to profess and practise his religion." Article 11 of Malaysia's constitution could hardly be more definitive. Yet Lina Joy, who has fought for nine years for the right to convert from Islam to Christianity, was told by the country's Supreme Court on May 30th that the guarantee is worthless to her. The court rejected her demand to have "Islam" removed as the religion stated on her official identity card. It ruled she first needed permission to leave the faith from the country's separate sharia courts, which interpret traditional Muslim law. These treat apostates as sinners to be punished, not individuals with a right to their own beliefs.

Miss Joy, now 43, converted to Christianity in her 20s, changing her name from Azlina Jailani. She wants to wed her Christian boyfriend but Malaysia in effect bans Muslims from marrying outside the faith. She went to court after the government department that issues identity cards let her change her name but not her religion. The Supreme Court, like the lower courts, upheld the department's decision. Rather trivialising Miss Joy's struggle, the chief justice said she could not expect to convert from one religion to another on a "whim". In a development typical of Malaysia's widening religious and racial divide, the only non-Muslim on the three-judge bench dissented from the judgment.

Article 11 has been in the country's constitution since independence from Britain 50 years ago. However, things were muddied by a 1988 amendment, which denied the regular courts all jurisdiction over matters dealt with by the sharia courts. It was not clear if this gave sharia judges the right to overrule Article 11 for those born Muslim and to tell them they must remain so. It now seems that indeed they can.

The ruling will confirm the fears of many Malaysians--not just among the ethnic Chinese and Indian minorities--that the country is suffering "creeping Islamisation". As the sharia courts and other religious authorities have become more active in recent years, a stream of cases has arisen in which freedoms enjoyed by non-Muslims have been denied to those the religious authorities regard as belonging to the country's majority faith, followed by some 60% of its 27m people, mostly ethnic Malays. Families have been divided because one parent was deemed to be Muslim despite insisting to the contrary. In 2005, the religious authorities snatched the corpse of M. Moorthy, a famous mountaineer whose family insisted he was a Hindu, and gave it a Muslim burial, arguing he had secretly converted to Islam.

Malaysia's prime minister, Abdullah Badawi, has been struggling to promote his own brand of moderate, "civilisational" Islam. But he has opened space for the radicals by clamping down on even temperate debate of religious issues. Last year he shot down a proposed "inter-faith council" and banned a civil-rights group from holding public debates on freedom of worship. Last month he abruptly cancelled a long-planned gathering in Kuala Lumpur of senior Muslim and Christian scholars--including the Archbishop of Canterbury--on the ground that he was too busy to attend it.

In many places, constitutional guarantees of liberty are undermined by laws constraining religious belief. Indonesians, for example, are also obliged to state their religion on their identity cards and to choose between just six officially recognised faiths. The governor of the state of Rajasthan, in India, is being pressed by the state assembly to approve a law punishing conversion from Hinduism. Constraints on individuals' rights to choose their beliefs are usually backed up by claims that religions are somehow "under threat": a curious lack of faith--in faith itself.

Your Love Alone Is Not Enough.



Who knew that the Manics could be so happy? I didn't. It's startingly catchy...then again, so was You Stole the Sun From My Heart.