the sexbox revealed.

the sexbox revealed.

 
more on keong and his seXbox. this is how it looks when it's opened; i guess that only a nut like him would be willing to risk $1000+ of equipment. but you gotta admit, it does look rather awesome. ugh. some people are just mad. mad.

megatokyo.

megatokyo.

i spent a whole night looking through megatokyo strips. li vern's fault. i'm only less than halfway through. it's very good stuff, just that you've got to start at the very beginning. it'll take you hours. but it's worth it. click here for megatokyo. i'm not going to flesh out storyline details. it's just too weird. find out for yourself. it's got l33t, manga and americans. every fanboy's dream.

MegaTokyo - relax, we under j00

rubicks and taking control.

rubicks and taking control.

once life was about comic books, video games, star wars and malls. now, it very much still is, but life has caught up and taken me to this greater vision. i've got two clear paths in life, i suppose. one where i can screw up but do all that i really want to do, and the other which basically revolves around me graduating for graduating's sake and getting a white collar. i have to be honest with you, there're a few reasons why i have to graduate, and one reason isn't even around anymore, which sort of makes it unfulfilling. you can probably guess what it is, but this isn't about that.

i guess that we set these paths for ourselves, these courses that we can choose to guide the direction that we see best that our lives would be most suitable for. i can't do that anymore. i guess this might be an 1/8th-life crisis, but...what i want to do and what i have to do are two very, very different things. you would probably think that you wouldn't know better than the person on the outside, but i think that you really do know best. i have this dream, as unfeasible as this dream is i'd love to follow it because it would prove certain people wrong, prove myself wrong and make myself feel a hell of a lot better for myself.

but set courses and paths are all well and good, aren't they? graduate first, or don't graduate at all? we all have to compromise. the greatest lesson i've learnt during recent times. compromise is a pain, it's a bitch, but if you can, then you can reap...once it's been made. i hope it has. there're still some things that i refuse to give up on, after all. =) you know what they are.

on a side note...i've got tickets for spider-man 2...i've got tickets for spider man-2. wail, wail, la la la. never really waited so early for tickets before, but i do feel better about doing it now. thursday night, 8:20 p.m. peter parker. mary jane watson. and ooodles and ooodles of fun. i sound very pouncy. i guess i am, at this time. as ridiculous as it sounds, i'm going to leave you with the words of ben parker, and they ring true in life.

i guess that there're certain things that we can do; do you put the self in front of everything else? or, if you have the means to do so, do you handle everything else as well? i guess that's what's bothering me. i'm getting training. a degree; marketing. shouldn't it be put to better use than being put in a backburner while i plan to pursue a silly dream? because isn't that what it is...a silly dream? i don't know if life has set in for me. i think it has; i just refuse to listen.

so kids...never forget:

with great power comes great responsibility

.

mirc for one.

mirc for one.

broadband has never been used for such things. well, i haven't. the first time i came upon mirc was ages ago, at li vern's...when i'd pay him to use his pc to get onto the net. we thought that it was a fair trade but his mom would always get him to pay me back, bless her. anyway, mirc was it back then, basically because it was so fun. after a while, it just got repetitive, and then we have what we have today.

guys asking stewardresses for intellectual chats.

no, not me. aside from that, girls asking for caucasian guys, and the like. oh, well. what a flurry of fun people. and they can actually withstand getting ribbed for their fetishes. which makes the world a much more friendly place.

yea. in my head.

the fall of max payne

li vern and i [this is a gaming parternership that has spanned almost a decade] finished max payne 2 about a week ago. he decided to take it a notch further by trying to complete hard-boiled mode, which we're sort of in the process of doing...slowly. i remember the first max payne...it was awesome. straight on the heels of the matrix, it had bullet time...what was more interesting to note was that they came up with it around the same time that the movie was in production...so, folks, if the movie wasn't around, we'd really consider it to be an original idea...which it really was. anyway, here's a recap of the first max payne:

wife and daughter murdered after wife is caught catching a glimpse of some incriminating data while working with the DA, in connection with the street drug "V";

max goes on rampage throught new york city, followed by deputy chief of police jim bravura by the trail of used bullet shells;

meets up with "allies" mona sax [subsequently gets a shot in the head and dies behind elevator doors] and vladmir lem [subsequently survives to open a swanky restaurant in the new game];

max is freed of all charges by mudering a member of the secret society, the inner circle --- his patron, alfred woden, has connections, and max's slaying of nicole horne garners attention. he becomes a hero cop, ironically, and gets reassigned.

enough about the gameplay ---> shoot, shoot, bullet time. easy. fun. cool. it's just that the ps2 isn't good enough for the graphics [shock! horror!], though i'm not sure about the xbox [keong, if you're reading this, get the bloody game...not sure if its for the sexbox, though, but i think it is].

the story's told in the expected graphic novel format...awesome art, and some good voice acting. a direct continuation from where the first game left off, this game highlights max's relationship with mona [no big deal to mention that she somehow overcame a gunshot to the head and is up and running again], and how things aren't exactly as they appear. max stumbles onto a crime that basically gets the ball rolling. and the ball does indeed roll [oops].

it's...well, gritty, and since rockstar's distributing it, you know that it's special in its own sense. and there's a track by poets of the fall called late goodbye at the end credits...yes, even the credits are cool. reportedly, they're coming out with a max payne 3, but (spoiler ahead), is there anyone left to kill? really? we'd just have to wait and see.

"once"

"once"

mmm. song, song, song. almost ready, with a killer chorus...or that's at least what someone said; he's already heard the blueprint of the thing. but really, it reads depressing but really is peppy.
-----------------------------------------
i'm crying baby
i'm taking it in
yea i'm taking everything
i'm lonely dying
fucking aye
i've got nothing left to lose
slowly burning
out tonight

once the world revolved around the two of us and we weren't grounded
now it seems that gravity has got the best of you and me
once the world revolved around the two of us, we were surrounded
now it seems that everything has dissipated to memory

why am i hanging 'round? i don't know

i'm lifting surface
kicking in
looking for a better choice
i'm falling rising
double glaze
now i've got a sun to cool
slowly burning
out tonight

[chorus]

you say you know what i believe
can't be the one who will receive
all it is you've got to give
go on, go on, go on, live
it's taking out of my own days
moving me in different ways
sobriety

[chorus]
-----------------------------------------
there's nothing like wailing away on your guitar. can't wait to finish this one.

mallrat, gamer, hungerphile.

mallrat, gamer, hungerphile.

i can remember spending a consecutive amount of saturdays with friends from sri cempaka. and they were mostly girls who were younger than me. which might be a problem now, but back then, it wasn't much of one. i would know...i dated one of them. uh...let's not get there.

now that i think about it, the whole lot of us was a good mix of gis and cempakan folk, which was pretty cool, come to think of it. going to 1 utama would've been the order of the day, and i'd take the number 21c intrakota from kota raya to get to 1U.

nowadays, there's a megamall right around my corner and i drive. things've changed. the cempaka girls have gone [even though i stay directly in front of one of them]. 1 utama is massive. and far. and there're not a lot of parking oppurtunities during weekends [actually, you have to wonder what people who should be working do at malls during weekdays]. my relationship with malls is strictly love/hate. i don't really like them because they're a sign of mass-capitalism taking over the very foundations of our society. people flocking there with nothing better to do than to be there, while there're probably a hundred more productive things that they can be doing [which i won't list down because...i don't have a hundred to list down].

but i love them because...well...they're fricking malls.

no surprise that i spent my saturday afternoon walking around a mall with an ice cream in hand, equipped with a dodgy accent and friend with a similarly dodgy accent, going to mpg reading chaucher [canterbury tales are excellent!] aloud with an even more dodgy accent. i love to make an ass of myself. going to toys 'r us and scaring kids? why not? though there's only one person whom i know would do that and they're long gone. anyway, playing cs for an hour [which i used to think was a waste of time after college] and walking around a mall? is that productive? no. but it was dead fun.

i should open myself up more to all this. i'm almost 21...lord, i need to act younger again. coz in the long run; i don't have anything to worry about. no, this is not a positive outlook statement. but, see...if 'life is not to fear; life is to enjoy' doesn't work, we're all very fucked, aren't we?

acoustica 4.0 redux.

acoustica 4.0 redux.

after some recent developments (and some kitschy-but-oh-so-fun covers), i've decided to do this. ladies and gentlemen, the track listing for acoustica 4. because i can.

ethika
apple bite
last one standing
once
the madman cometh
this is what you get for being honest
break of dawn
escape
hearts and rockets
the fear
settle for less
all that you leave behind
the sun shines on everyone

now all i have to do is finish it. but it all looks good, doesn't it? covers may be added, but...what about a bunch of unheard b-sides? though it's not like anyone's requested for anything, anyway. i go on, nonetheless.

"three lions"

this morning's match was probably one of the more exciting matches that i've seen in a while...despite the fact that i don't really watch all that much of football. england v portugal, down to penalties. awesome stuff. best of all, owen scored. pity that rooney had to be subbed, and you'd probably shudder to think about what would've happened if he'd stayed on. but i guess that you can say that he's already made his mark on the euro tournament, so...yes, that's one thing for him fulfilled. all in all, it really was an awesome match. there's nothing like seeing a match played to its hilt over extra time; how the ball keeps on rolling from one team to the other. i was shattered when portugal scored the silver goal...but more than elated when lampard [again, of all people] equalized in the least expected possible time.

i really do feel sad that england couldn't progress. but it truly was awesome footie.

"another reflection"

...and in that precise moment in time, he understood what it all meant to him; he didn't really want anything else except to be just stuck. because he didn't want to move; he didn't have to.

stuck was good.

and that's where he'd stay.

"golden truth, rotten apple"

these are excerpts from third eye blind's blinded that ring true to me. it might mean nuts to everyone, but...here they are.
-------------------------------------
the heat fades with the day
and I fall down on what to say
oh something clean, let me be clever
hey oh well, whatever
but that’s not what I mean
where we’re been has left us burnt still
i wont turn now from a fight
you know I’ll never win

and

time it passes and it tells us what we’re left with
we become the things we do
me, I’m a fool spent from defiance, yeah you got me but
i didn’t give up on you
but the rest is not a t-shirt or a swan song, no
heat is born again and
it’s not easy being me
when I can’t promise I will mend
or bend when you believe
that we are fixed now from our birth
and I’ve just fallen back to earth
still you know I’ll try again
'cause I believe that we are lucky
we are golden
we have stolen manners in the days when we were one
-------------------------------------
that's what happens when you split with charlize theron. but it describes my state of mind perfectly. i guess everyone has their own charlize. har har.

"homelife essentials"

basically, people spend their long semester breaks going overseas, camping, clubbing, going to theme parks, even the odd hotel room stay...i just stay at home, eat, sleep, watch football, play video games and record songs. which, is quite unfulfilling; as the promise of brazil slips away little by little, i've really got no choice but to do all the things that i'd probably be doing in brazil...only that i'm doing them here. which is quite a bummer.

i'm resigned to my temporary fate.

anyway, tonight's england v portugal. notice how i mentioned england first. i know that portugal are the host nation, and i know that rooney's overrated, but england really are the better team. if portugal could only edge out spain with one goal [from rui costa, no less]...i know it's not easy, but, c'mon...then we're in for a good match. england's defence has always been leaky [those two croatian goals were down to blunderful defending], but they've got a potent midfield/attacking squad. i really do believe that michael owen will find his form; i personally think that it's still too early to call rooney a genius. he might end up as another gascoigne if he's not careful. and ditto for his temperament, despite what eriksson says.

so my prediction for tonight? since i know next to nothing: england 2 - portugal 1. lord, i hope i get through this.

"the big mac"

this is justin's attempt to make a mac-like environment from his pc. i've got no idea how os-x works or looks like, and since he's the one who's exposed to the machines, i'm gonna take his work for it that it's almost mac lifelike. don't it look sleek?

 

"the xbox oddity"

i've got a bunch of photos here from friends which primarily involve technology. since i don't have photos of my own...well, let's just keep this one simple. this is keong's recent purchase, a translucent xbox. i guess that he had a good amount of cash to blow, because he's now talking about getting another one. some people just have too much. i only have my humble ps2, and that took enough time to scrape for. i don't care what they say...i'm not joining the psychosoft console revolution. 

"mr. 300"

ladies and gentlemen. this is a very momentous occasion. right now, you're reading funkyhippopotamus' 300th blog, amidst template changes and such. i'm damn sure that there're plenty other of blogs that've definitely passed the landmark, since i started very late in life...but i remember asking myself in the beginning how commited i'd really be to this whole blogging thing. then another question popped up...how much of myself would i put into this? how personal would too personal become? and up til today, i've got no idea. but i guess that you can say that i've put a lot of myself into this, and in a strange way, it kind of shows. sorry for being pretentious, but come on...i'll only be celebrating for number 400, and that's a long way off.

it's not as if this thing is an online diary. yes, i am that ignorant.

so. a quick introduction. my name is foo hing to a dwindling select few, ian to others, and my father calls me "freeloader". i know not why. i'll be 21 in august, graduating in over a year. i'm a bum at heart. i like to write songs and sing them. and i want to go to brazil next week but there's only one thing stopping me...fate. not that i believe in it, but i thought that it'd sound cool. i'm deeply enamoured [more big words] with someone whom i've lost and who i desperately want back. in other words...i'm fighting against the very essence of life.

i'm so full of crap. but that's the way it feels, sometimes. it's like a paramount goal in life to get back the girl that got away. which, incidentally, also happens to be a title to one of my songs on acoustica 1, my very own acoustic recording of...me. there're currently 3 completed acoustica sets, and one is being done, but i'm planning to majorly re-record the newer stuff. i have a very bad pc [which isn't even mine!], and my recorded tracks are always jumping due to a jumpy hard drive.

there's a lot more than this, and this is most definitely me in a [bigger] nutshell. for those of you who've stuck around since...november, 2002 [very, very few of you], thank you for always being here to...spy. and for those who've just joined, or...if due to some unfortunate circumstance...it's your first time here...you better come back.

one thing is, you never know just who or how many are looking. which really is the sad part. here's to another 300. and i promise that there will be no century-blogging commemorating. here's to another 300. coz it's such an awesome number.

"in the summertime"

there we were, feeling fine
sharing cigarettes in the summertime
my hand in yours and yours in mine
nothing could be better

but then spring came and you went away
i looked on and then i stayed
my skies of blue turned to skies of gray
nothing lasts forever

when're you coming back to claim me?
i'm stuck in this hole
won't you come on down to save me?
before i lose control?

"whatever happened to the RM 2 bill?"

no, really...i was thinking about it today, and it just struck me...although i've seen the odd bill here and there, is the bill still in circulation? i remember the uproar when it first came out...nice, clean, and very, very pink. i can safely say that i miss it a lot, and that i'd love to get my grubby hands on one and keep it in my wallet and absolutely not use it at all, whatsoever. yea, it might sound a bit strange, but i think that the RM 2 bill is extinct. it's rare and hard to find, but i'm not idiotic enough to assume that the bill is going to be worth a lot more than RM 2 years from now [it's like assuming that a 1979 one sen coin appreciates in value after 25 years]. but, woe, where did the RM 2 bill go? the mystery deepens.

"england v switzerland 2004"

as i'm typing this, we've only got a bit left before england walk away virtually unscathed from their encounter with swizterland. despite lukewarm playing, a brilliant performance in the forms of constant attacking leading to two goals from wayne rooney and a third goal from steven gerrard have ensured that england survive their odyessy through euro 2004.

england's less than stellar performance is still ringing in my mind, really. well, more work has to be done, i suppose...but for now, it's ended.

england 3 switzerland 0

"alarm bells ringing"

first off, a quote of mr. s.t. bindoff, from his book, Tudor England, page 8, printed by penguin books in 1966, describing the war of the roses, where the white rose of york and the red rose of lancaster were fighting for control of the english throne.

'A Crown which had become a football was ceasing to be a referee, and a game which begins by doing without a referee runs a risk of finishing without a ball'.

i love that second part of the sentence. it's just so bloody philosophical. and i guess that it can apply to a lot of things in life. anyway, i caught portugal v russia, and at least the host nation has a fighting chance now. seeing how spain was held by greece [impressive in itself], it's good to know that their underrated neighbours were doing more than fine. a 2-0 scoreline is testament to that. anyway, portugal played frantically, though they were lagging midway through the second half...but nobody's perfect. and i guess that it showed us how useful christiano ronaldo can be...and i don't mind vouching for him, as long as he isn't in a manchester united jersey.

i was thinking about it, and television football pundits are really full of hot air [aren't we all?]. you can talk about formations and lineups, but in the end, friends, football is one bloody mess. and when you predict scorelines, you're probably thinking of proper goals where the striker runs up to goal and kicks...not a one-off nigh impossible van nistelrooy acrobatic 50-50 leg stuck out chance. pundits. which is why i'm getting more and more acclimated towards shebby singh. bless the dude.

anyway, with all the football these past few days, it's official: my biological clock is off its whacker. i promised myself that i'd sleep early but the allure of watching 20 grown men chase a ball around [goalies don't count] has taken over. it's a little after dawn right now, and i'm typing away on the blog. that should at least show you how wrong the whole situation is.

no amount of video gaming is going to remedy this. action must be taken by tonight. mark my words...no football after 2 am.

"way of the samurai 2 + silent hill 3"

i admit; there were a few reasons why i bought way of the samurai 2. one was because of the word samurai; and another was because i hadn't gotten off the samurai addiction since onimusha 3 [which i still have to finish]. anyway, this game follows the protagonist to a neo-feudal japanese town [this is the late edo period we're talking about here, about the same time as we saw tom cruise bushido his way through japan] and, take this...there are no save points, except for when you die and when you load up. there's a good reason for that; you're supposed to survive at least 5 days in the town.

anyway, to cut it short, there're multiple endings, '200 unique fighting stances and attacks' [according to the inlay] and it's quite fun. just that certain tasks that you have to perform get repetitive and very tiresome...and hitting the wrong enemy [i.e. friendly fire/slashing] has utterly dire consequences.

silent hill 3, however, is one sick game...what else would you expect? you play heather, and currently, i'm trying to get out of a shopping mall that respawns itself into something worse each time you finish through it. don't worry...we're not even in silent hill yet. just to let you know, i bought this game because i wanted a good scare. it's just utterly bizarre, it is.

"(some) things i'd do if i was a rock superstar"

1. pay my father back for my education. definitely. and all other living expenses that i owe him from way back. and then i'd apply for emancipation. ditto for my mother. just to see the reactions on their faces.

2. buy that bmw 325i i always wanted. or the old bmw e35. no ferrari for me. unless i was living in new york.

3. live in new york.

4. install a studio in my own home. not that i'd know how to use it, but it'd be fun.

5. get one of those cool refrigerators that we see on cribs, except fill it with food that can be eaten and condiments that will be used.

6. install some arcade machines at home. now to think of it, i'd also install a coke machine. and get all my coins back.

7. invite bono over for lunch sometimes.

8. use my clout as an artiste to raise awareness on activism and various social issues. no, really.

9. hang out with kylie.

10. perform in coffee bars and bistros to gain more street cred. and embark on a massive worldwide arena tour every 2 years.

that's all that i can think of for now. more to come later, surely.

"acoustica 4"

so. it's half past 4 and i've got a few potential clips on the hard drive. i've decided to close acoustica 3 and move on to 4...which should include redone versions of some 2 and 3 tracks...because i don't want to touch anything from 1. which was brilliant, to say the least. so...if all goes well...it'll be the return of overlapping vocals [high possibility] and full instrumentation [low probability]. so what've i come up with so far? well, life is easy when you're pining away...but i think you've got to move it up a notch and make it more fun and wordy, therefore people can find pleasure from your misery...not that you weren't already doing that, but i think i've managed to make pain fun. for tonight.

we have push me away, which [hopefully] should have overlapped vocals, ala too much....

i won't give in, which has the words 'imperfection' and 'introspection' (thank God for other peoples' blogs) in the quasi-chorus, which means that i've been doing a bit of thinking...

only you, the classic 'she's not my type but you are' song. rockish-country tai-style.

and then there's escape (working title), which basically is borderline mundane...but melodious. i swear.

it's all good, just because it's a quarter to 5 a.m. on a tuesday and i'm hungry.

"the problem with relays"

i can't do anymore relay messages. they only work in a long-form narrative and not something short and sudden. there goes the whole tension building exercise. unless someone has better ideas...i guess that if i wasn't so worked up about it being done in real-time, it would be better...but i can't really be creative right now; i'm quite brain drained. spent a few hours playing way of the samurai 2...it's fun but tedious. ever heard of a game where you couldn't save in-game? you have now.

asia pacific went fine, i gather. not excellent, but dependable. i've got no idea who's marking it...there's a lot of rumours going around over who the replacement lecturer is next semester. yea, well. hopefully, i won't be there.

it's a tuesday morning. despite strained eyes and a worn mind, i can't sleep. so...here goes...

hail to atlas!
globe on his back!
carries my burdens so!
if i tripped him over
would he cave in?
and would the world be lost in dough?
pillsbury runs throughout his veins
he's really a timid guy
so hail to atlas
the carrying man
let not the sun in his eye!

lord, that was dumb.

"all that you can't leave behind"

it's taken from U2's walk on. it makes sense, in a way. but i don't think people could ever let go. not really.
----------------------
you've got to leave it behind

all that you fashion
all that you make
all that you build
all that you break
all that you measure
all that you feel
all that you can't leave behind
all that you reason
all that you care
it's only time
all that you feel
all that you find
all all that you sense
all that you speak
all you dress up
all that you scheme

"relay message 040613"

oh God. it's gotten worst. the noises are growing louder. i can't hide like this forever. the dark makes good cover, but it can only do me good for so long. there's not much left between them and me. the Horror. i still don't understand how they could have escaped...it's been four days, and i'm lucky that i'm alive as it is. i haven't seen any of the others along the way; i have to assume that they weren't so lucky. i've got to at least get to Engineering Section. i need rations. should be able to send a SRM to home from there as well. all other paths are non-accessible, not in this danger. it's inevitable. i have to do this, or else we lose it all.

"janie don't take your love to town"

it's about a quarter to 5 in the morning and the promise that i made to myself to sleep at midnight is well overdue. lying down on a couch and attempting to hypnotize yourself to sleep is hardly the solution, but i guess that if effort has been made, then effort truly has been made. anyway, it hasn't been a wasted night; i've been snoop dogg for the better part of a journey through LA [which i'm starting to fall more and more in love with, but i'd most definitely move to new york if i ever had the chance], plus, i've been reading up on localization strategies that companies can take in asia post-crisis. joy.

the ever-lingering doubt about life crawls up every now and then. with more and more friends graduating, you'd think that i'd need to reassess everything. well, i have. all i can say is that once my heart told me that i was destined for something else, and that's what it was: a heart telling me that i was destined for something else. it never meant that i truly was destined for something else, although in this exact moment in time, i wish i was. people say that you should live life without regrets, but that's just like the old adage 'if you love it, let it go'. it doesn't make sense, and it's just bull.

i know i've had my fair share of regrets so far, and i can only look forward for more to come. and don't get me started about that adage, because i don't believe in it. what kind of idiot would let go of something that he loves if it makes him feel even worse in the end? better keep it and feel the pain than try to lose it and lie to yourself. though i'm probably a bleeding minority in this. enough. it's 10 to 5, and i should be sleeping.

only i'm not. maybe another relay message should do the trick.

"sports night"

mmm. it's in the wee hours once again and i feel like eating some fried chicken. i'm terribly worried about my health, but for a short period a few months back, my dad was even more worried, and did the motherly thing by insisting that i go for a medical check-up...which i haven't done as yet. anyway, portugal 1 - greece 2. how?! it's a good thing that i don't bet on football, but i really do feel sorry for those guys who placed their money. at least it was an upset, no?

kudos for r. schumacher for taking the pole in canada. let's see how long it'll last for during the race.

"yucca and vine"

i wouldn't really describe today as floating in the abyss, but it feels that way. the evening's starting to fall around me, and pretty soon, i guess i'll probably be in the process of watching my t-shirt mildew if the lights aren't turned on. but that time hasn't come yet, and it's still light out. it's just interesting to note that the sun comes out at full-force at around 5-ish, and then progressively starts to ebb away until there's nothing left of it by 7:30. usually, but not everyday. the day's been spent on one thing or another, but never for too long. i guess that the novelty of video gaming is lost when gameplay is repetitive, but i managed to visit the capitol records building after watching it get destroyed last night.

joy.

i've touched a bit of asia pacific, but not enough that would garner praise from all circles. my thoughts are strangely coherent and linked today, and you'd think that it'd make a good state of mind for studying. ah, well. there're a few things that i'm looking forward to in the oncoming months; brazil [i pray], smackdown vs. raw [but that's in november], burnout 3, spider-man 2, ocean's 12 [november], and, strangely, the chronicles of riddick. only because it has to feel like summer somehow, and i've already gotten through the start of it with last night.

despite thinking about lament for the last few nights [you'd know over what], it's still been alright. life feels empty and hollow when there's no one to share it with. wait, wait...yada yada yada it doesn't feel the same yada yada yada still want her back yada yada yada mind going mad. there, just to cut it short. maybe it's a parody of sorts, who knows?

you're still the ghost that haunts the way.

"relay message 040612"

it hurts. two weeks without seeing home. stuck here, thousands of miles above anything. i'm lost here. it's been three days since the incident. no one has come to help. i'm scared that no one will come at all; if that's the case, i'm lost here, along with these...things. i can't call them anything else. i'm not a holy man...they're certainly not demons. but they're abominations, unlike anything else anyone has seen before. no one on the surface would ever know. they must not escape. but i'm alone. God help me, i'm alone, with them. the Horror. i hope somebody helps me. i pray.

"life goes on"

there's something inside
that won't go away
but the longer it hurts
the longer it stays

you try to remember
but you can't forget
what you'd found
you can't quite lose it yet

but the truth is
it all fades away
the sun rises
for another day

i can miss you all i want
but life goes on

there're some things you have
you can't stand to lose
you can't quite let go
you don't want to choose

it's hard to hold on
when you're lost in a hole
you want to be strong
but you still lose control

and the truth is
it'd be the same
with anyone else
with a different name

i can miss you all i want
but life goes on

"yellow redneck"

i've just come back from spicy kitchen [which still is a lame name, no matter how you look at it], and i was watching wrestlemania over the projector. looking at it, i love wrestling whenever i've got the opportunity to watch it...as long as it's the wwe/f. being weaned on the undertaker, hogan, michaels, hart, it's just surprising that not a lot of people here share my enthusiasm for it. it's sports entertainment; you don't have to take it seriously. what i always thought about is how these dudes go out there to pretend to pummel the crap out of each other for the fans. and it's true...they really are commited to putting on a good show.

i know that not a lot of people respect them for what they're doing, amidst the usual comment on how wrestling is fake, but, friend...we know it's fake. it doesn't mean that we can't enjoy it any less. lighten up. don't take things so seriously...there's no point being uptight over wrestling. call it juvenile, but it's still around; a raw or smackdown show is just one big rock concert. only that you have it on very regular occasions. the pomp and the explosions. it's all good fun.

i sound defensive now, don't i? but for those of you who breed upon sophistication and culture, chardonay and coffee bars, i've never commented on your bourgeois lifestyles. oh. i just did. imagine that.

i guess i'm a chink redneck.

"design for a life"

you've got to wonder what it is about death that makes you question mortality. i've mentioned earlier about my fear of death, or my misunderstanding of it. actually, it's more of post-death that i'm scared of; not knowing what's happening at all after you kick the physical and sink into [if there is such a thing] the ethereal. and the thing about death is, it's always about, waving around is scythe at the most unexpected places.

my lecturer passed away on monday. i'm not going to bother to disclose how, but all i can say, she was the last person that we were expecting, honestly. and some of us were asking why it was her. i guess everyone's time is due, but i had a friend say that it was fated, and i think that's sort of wrong, to an extent.

i don't think that's how the design for a life works, but then again, what would i know?

it's just going to be different without her, anyway.

"the scouring of the shire"

no, not really...just that i've downloaded enough stuff off shockwave to last me for a night. that's if i sit in front of my pc and go through everything, and i've really found some hidden gems. who thought that flash animation would be so good? from james belushi to tim burton, it's all there. and the angry boy quasi-stop motion photography series. brilliant. and it's english.

besides that, i'd like to go back to a discussion that i had with li vern probably about a week or more ago. we were discussing about american idol, and how many american idols could be spawned before the whole thing got stale. i mean, honestly, do you expect people to hang around until american idol viii? you've got your jasmine trias day, your diana degarmo day, your fantasia barrino day, all thrown in your hometown...but sooner or later, being on american idol won't be such a big deal anymore, and to a certain extent, it might even be viewed as a norm rather than the exception.

and what exactly does randy jackson do?

"happy tree friends"

happy tree friends is insane. i wouldn't recommend letting any children watch it, despite it being a cartoon. though i think that it's brilliant that you can find it on mtv, of all places. it sort of makes me go back to the time when i thought that south park was crude...i still do, but at least i love it now. back then, i guess i was a little less open to the power of suggestion...and i was truly PC. it was like...i'd hate eminem for gay-bashing, but now i just find it as a creative outlet. just like what i thought of limp bizkit [i still think they're dumb but that didn't stop me from getting chocolate starfish...i dug the percussive beats].

but, anyway, to reiterate...happy tree friends is insane. download today.

"weaving"

i had a dream about azrin. quite a dream, if i can add it, but not that kind of dream. just that it was a nice one, i guess, if paintballing and headshots are anything to go by. no, that didn't happen...the thing is, i don't remember waking up from it, just that i was staring at my ceiling asking myself how i woke up. wonderful.

"saturday morning preview"

here we are. it's almost 3 on a saturday morning and i'm just bored. the last few days have been spent either out or on the ps2, where i've rediscovered true crime as a game that i can use as bragging rights to say that i know LA better than most malaysians. i mean, c'mon...i've been to the chinese theatre, hung out at santa monica beach, cruised the sunset strip, climbed the hollywood hills...the only thing that i haven't done has been finding LAX, and that's only because the game doesn't have that section of town...good recreation of the city, my ass.

but it's still good fun. i spent an hour looking out for the hollywood sign and no luck. bummer. oh, well.

"everything's changing"

this is very much a work in progress, but it's really the first time in a while where i've actually sat down to write something and then record it and then leave it for later scrutiny. like i always say, the lyrics may read one way, but add melody to it and it can be taken on an entirely different course. anyway, here're the first verse and chorus [which are very short, but take up some time on track].
---------------------------
your heart is set in stone
i don't know what to do
i've waited all my life
i've waited all for you

everything's changing
not the way it's s'posed to do
everything's changing
not the way it's meant to do
everything's changing
it's changing me and you
------------------------------
see? very simple, isn't it? maybe simplicity is the key. i don't know if i should add anything onto it, though 49 seconds is a tad bit too short. anyway, i've figured out that the best way to record freely is when nobody's at home, or when there's daylight around so that you can wail away. the newer tunes i made all relate to that [daylight, no one around].

ballads? i think not. i've got this thing called 'mia smiles' in mind, because...um...'when mia smiles/she brings daylight'. how can that not be cool? and who's mia?...for the life of me, i don't know, but i think we can safely say that mia will be one of those exotic looking spanish women who can turn heads. yes, that'll do. a song about an exotic spanish woman who can turn heads.

plus, there's also this thing called 'take me to your leader'...coz i thought that it would be a fun, fun title to have. all i need are synths and a drum machine. it's all good fun.

i'm in the process of the pursuing summer songs.

"good samaritan"

it's about...a few minutes past 2 on a tuesday morning and my aunt and uncle are discovering the wonder of dvd. hey, better late than never...my aunt bought a cheap dvd player from carrefour and they're enjoying the time of their lives. after i reconnected some audio cables for them. what i regret doing is bringing my whole dvd collection out of the box...i'm not worried about them being viewed, i'm scared about them being borrowed. especially by that uncle from kajang who can't get his itchy fingers off our stuff.

i could always take them back. good idea.