Sunday, July 29, 2007

Midnight is where the day begins.

No matter what the situation is, crossing a line either takes a lot of courage, blind impulse, desperation, a calculative mind or a combination of all four. When a boundary is crossed, there's usually a very good reason for it; Clint had to get the Firefox from the Russians, Mario had to save Peach, Spock had to sacrifice himself, Gwen had to die for editorial reasons and Dubya had to invade because of that pesky insatiable thirst for oil.

It comes down to how much you're willing to give and what you're willing to do in order to cross that hypothetical line. And whether or not you get what you want. However, I still don't believe in 'calculated' risks.

I don't usually walk around carrying high expectations, nor do I carry lowered expectations. I simply don't care, because nonchalance won't get me into trouble. But on a rare occasion, something comes along and I come alive. Not like a firecracker; but like an atom bomb.

I'm easily excitable, as is everybody else. But it takes a lot to retain, maintain and contain that excitement, much less twist and tease it to ginormous proportions. It plays with my mind. It drives me on incessantly.

It's terrifying when that does happen, because it offers the perfect justification for flagrant line-crossing. I would know. I've done it before. And so have you. All of you. We're all guilty. So why bother feeling it?

Maybe this is all a way to compensate for my wasted, sad youth that was spent mulling away at how bad a hand I'd been dealt. But there are some lines that we'd all be willing to cross because whatever is on the other side is worth it. Very much so.

Would it bring about a crisis of faith? Maybe.

But nonetheless, I feel better now.

Thank you.

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Monday, July 23, 2007

Not a creature was stirring....the wok.

Being the sole occupant of a house during a holiday stretch is priceless. Any hints of a need for immediacy vanish. Although the silence might be deafening to some, I'll never feel as comfortable in my own house as I do whenever everyone's gone out to do their own things.

I'm probably being overly dramatic about this, but being alone for short bursts of time has got to be the greatest feeling in the world. For short bursts of time, of course. It's as good as how I feel whenever I have a cigarette alone. Except that now, I bum fags off everybody else. Which makes smoking alone a hard thing.

I'm cheap. Then again, I am Chinese.

And I'm alone. Let's commiserate.

I wanted to list down three pieces of advice that my parents gave me as a child that I still keep today...and here they are.
  1. Always squeeze a tube of toothpaste from the bottom.
  2. Don't do drugs.
  3. Always wipe your ass with four squares of toilet paper at a time.
I suppose that those are the three essential things that I needed to bring with me to my dying day.

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Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Keeping the checklists coming.

I'm not a very detail-oriented person; I'm more concerned about the results. Most of the time, I think in terms of how mega something can become, and think of what to do, but not how to get there. Still, a destination is better than no vision whatsoever.

I've been chided in the past for never paying attention to where it mattered the most. Sadly, it's still true of me today; there's always the risk of not caring enough for one thing without diverting my energy to the next temporary obsession. It's not because I've got a boundless supply of enthusiasm for the zest of life; I tend to get bored easily and leave things hanging.

It's quite sad to think of the countless things I've started in the past that I haven't brought closure to.

So today, I'm paying tribute to the million things I'll start in the future that'll never see their deserved conclusions. Which is a tragedy, seeing how the results are all I care about.

I'm such a twat.

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Saturday, July 14, 2007

Weeds.

I get irritated over the smallest things, among them being people getting their pop cultural references wrong, bad grammar, late periods, Skrulls, the smell of horseradish, toy dogs, eye bags and jets flying overhead my house every now and then. I try my best to restrain myself from showing any irritation whenever situations that tease my annoyance occur, simply because I'm not as smart as I wish I could be; I'm quite sure that I've made slip-ups in the past that the people around me were generous enough not to highlight.

In the past, I've mentioned how the most unattractive girl probably knows almost everything in an attempt to make up for her lack of schwing. In certain regards, I'm the male equivalent. My pedantry knows no bounds, if only because I was never the high school jock. I'm proud to be a geek, though some are still skeptical over my claims of being a borderline pubescent sci-fi junkie.

One trait that I'd love to change about myself would be my desire to inadvertently make matters worse. Pulling out a slightly chipped toenail is not a smart thing to do. Neither is bringing out sore points in your relationship with your girlfriend out of spite because it makes you feel better. And let's not forget arguing with your mother over how anal Catholicism can be.

Oi vey, less than perfect, no? I wish that I had the in-built intuition that so many other people I know have. Sadly, despite years of slugging it out, I'm still not the shiny part of a bald head.

I am you, with your head buried in your pillow as you scream your diaphragm out. Only prettier.

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Friday, July 13, 2007

The wisdom of a fool won't set you free.

I'm tired.

I haven't felt so tired in a while. These last few days have involved waking up early, going out for hour-long walks, and spending the rest of the day doing random things. My nights would be spent eating out, and fumbling my way around shopping malls that have since pulled their welcoming arms away from me.

Strangely enough, this holiday has been fulfilling. It's such a pity that when it passes, so many things are going to pass along with it; back at that ever-present crossroad, except that there's a high chance that I'd actually have to make a decision, as opposed to letting it lie there.

Except for a particular rough period, my life's been quite free from dilemmas. But you can't run away from your demons, just like how new demons are always going to be around the corner.

However, thanks to Chris Martin, I'll be counting them up. Demons, not corners.

Embrace uncertainty to find the needle in the haystack. Although you might not find it, you'll feel a lot better in the end.

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Thursday, July 05, 2007

20 questions with Paolo Delfino...

...because Noel Gallagher wasn't available. Paolo Delfino can currently be heard on Fly FM's Campur Chart, with his song, Little Things. Although most people believe that he's overly talented, the true sources of his gifts came from the wolves who raised him, who then passed him on to a pack of mongeese who then left him with a great Canadian Sasquatch; blame it on the animal milk. True story. And my God, think of what Sasquatch nourishment would've been.

*****
#1. do you write a song with a title in mind?
sometimes. half the time the title comes first.


#2. would you rather play with a pick that's been in sophia loren's pussy or briget bardot's ass?
sophia's cunt. yet another name for a post-punk emo band.


#3. let's say you become a controversial figure in music. and somehow, you get buried in paris. would you rather your grave be defecated on or pissed on?
pissed on.


#4. if Purgatory were on Earth, where would it be?
uhm.. the border between cambodia and whatever is next to it.


#5. what're the pre-set rituals that you go through?
i try to sabotage other performers' instruments. i also clip my toenails.


#6. what would your biographical movie be called?
long legs short prick.


#7. who would play you in that movie?
someone reasonably wussy like topher grace or joseph gordon-levitt.


#8. would you rather wank into an egg tart or a bittergourd?
bitter gourd. it would be a terrible waste of an egg tart.


#9. what brand of conditioner do you use?
dove. it's white like semen.


#10. you've got a stomach ache. why?
i'm pretty sure the disgruntled mamak fella hacked a loogie in my iced coffee.


#11. would it bother you if you'd learnt that the only reason for your success was your beanpole-like legs?
not at all. it's not as bad as being famous for having awful hair.


#12. there's a transformers vs. g.i. joe rematch. who would win?
the transformers of course. cos all the gi joes would ride into battle in humvees and jets and all the transformers have to do is transform into battle mode with the joes inside them.


#13. what superpower would you want to have, and why?
time manipulation. there's no limit to the mischief one could get up to with time manipulation powers.


#14. you've released an album. you visit a local night market and find that it's been pirated. what's your initial reaction?
i'd be fucking elated! isn't that testimony that your stuff is so good that it's in demand among cheapskates?


#15. what would you call mike biting off evander's ear?
kinky boxer foreplay.


#16. if God had the urge to suddenly call you, what would His purpose be?
to get back at me for cheating when i had to recite the rosary.


#17. what pie would you throw at my face?
pumpkin pie. smashed pumpkins, to be specific.


#18. what would be the best name for a paolo delfino tribute band?
the hairless legs


#19. what're three things you'd never want to have on a deserted island?
celine dion, herpes, testicle-eating seagulls


#20. what's the meaning of life?
the title of a monty python movie.


And those were the 20 questions. With Paolo Delfino.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Happy Independence Day.

Here's a random list of things I'd like to say right now to make anyone reading this feel a little bit more insecure. I'm sure we all could think of so much more.
  1. You'll always be a mistake in your parents' eyes.
  2. You look fat in it; you'll always look fat unless you do something about it.
  3. The wart on your nose isn't as big as the wart by your cunt.
  4. Your grandmother was the town whore; as was your mother. You can guess where this is heading.
  5. You can't stop the itching, can you?
  6. Hurting yourself doesn't solve anything. Then again, I'm perfectly happy.
  7. I pity you. You're always so sad.
  8. He knows about it. I think you should reconsider.
  9. You might feel like the life of the party. But honey, everyone's laughing at you.
  10. You're so fucking ignorant.
  11. There's a reason why you've been left behind. Nobody wants you.
  12. I don't want you.
  13. It's such a pity when your best friend walks out on you. But it's sweet, since you deserve it.
  14. Being smart hasn't taken you anywhere great yet.
  15. All you do is throw your money at people. You've never learnt how to walk on your own. And you never will.
  16. You're so sheltered and naive, despite believing otherwise.
  17. Your dog's dead. Nobody cares.
  18. Nobody gives a fuck about you anymore.
  19. Shut up and get some help already.
  20. She's probably cheating on you.
  21. He's probably cheating on you.
  22. You'll never be absolved of your sins until the day you die.
  23. There is no Heaven.
  24. Things don't get better.
  25. Things only get worse.
  26. My relationship with God has nothing to do with you.
  27. You might be ashamed of your family, but they love you and you'll never see that til it's too late.
  28. You're getting older.
  29. All you're good for is finding a rich husband. But time's running out; you're not getting any younger.
  30. I'm sorry, but you're really not as pretty as you think.
  31. Your lack of English proficiency makes you a laughingstock. And it also guarantees that people like me find jobs. Then again, your daddy will probably find you one anyway, so you've got nothing to worry about.
  32. Travelling around the world doesn't make you any more cultured if you don't know anything about your home.
  33. My accent's real, unfortunately. And I'm good enough to know when someone's faking.
  34. Using God as an excuse is weak.
  35. She was always better than you.
  36. She's somebody else's now.
  37. You're a walking cry for help. In the wrong direction.
  38. He's never been true to you.
  39. Nobody loves you.
  40. You're going to die. Alone.
No, I'm not angry with the world. But I was just thinking about how difficult we make it whenever we have to face some strange inner demons; instances where the solutions are easy to find; trivial insecurities that we've got niggling within ourselves.

I don't mean to sound like Roger Hodson, but for fuck's sake, find the inner strength from within and get over it.

Because you're the only one who can.

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Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Can you hear me, Beth Gibbons?

It's a total waste to feel unwell through totally pedestrian means; thanks to a simultaneous Slurpee and cigarette binge, most of Saturday night was spent coughing and feeling feverish. It caught on to something a little larger yesterday, and it was controlled today with clear skies and a sunny disposition. I can't really tell how well I am after a few days because the sensations feel the same; once I manage to get ill, I'm a walking hypochondriac.

But there's nothing terribly exciting about feeling extremely dodgy via an ice/sugar rush and an accidental overinhalation of nicotine; I'd much rather catch a cold by singing in the rain, or catch typhoid in the badlands of Africa, or catch the Consumption as it was coming out in the Old West.

And lest you wish to remind me about how unfortunate others are, I am grateful for all that I have. I'm just saying that things have felt mightily sterile of late.

Yet, certain things have not. My father, for instance, is a wildfire brimming with a burning passion to make life difficult for everyone around him...be it inadvertently, or not. The last few days haven't been pretty; and to top it all off, he might be secretly marrying his golddigging woman (the pendulum has swung to the negative yet again).

I suppose that it's hard to choose over your love for your own family over your love for a woman...but it's an absolute crime to simply ignore, and even worse, discard the former. It feels as if he's totally neglecting the people who should count in a vain attempt to retain some twisted form of vitality.

Not even all the Portishead in the world can save me now.

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