Tuesday, May 31, 2005

three simple things.


please.

when asked, please let her not be attached (because she seems like it).
which leads to;
when asked, please let her find me alright (which might be a hard one).
which leads to;
when asked, please let her say yes to lunch (it'd be so much easier).

Monday, May 30, 2005

cantastic.


here's a quick recap of the day:
  1. i washed lots of cans in college
  2. i studied for 10 minutes despite spending 6 hours there
  3. i got even more into a girl (terror alert)
  4. i learnt that people do appreciate music from the o.c....from the accounting club.

and after that, i had dinner at brickfields, and went to carrefour to buy stuff. yay.

rather bushed. g'nite.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Free Katie!




This is not the picture of a happy couple…or at least, it’s not an utterly convincing portrait of relational bliss. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes make strange bedfellows, probably because he’s significantly older than she is (does he count as a pedophile?), and because…well…it’s Katie Holmes. All-American girl, sweet, just like the girl we’d wish was next door all the time.

Before I say anything more, I’d just like to say that I am a Tom Cruise fan. Not to the point of building a shrine, but I think he’s really cool (or at least his movies are really cool), and I wish I had a lightsaber smile like he did…lord knows that it could do wonders for me. But this past year has been a bit strange. First, we had a fully grown man wearing braces, which isn’t that bad, if you take him for his word that he was proving to the world that nobody’s too old for orthodontic cosmetic changes. Secondly, the whole Scientology thing has been annoying me, and he recently hit the nail on the head by discounting psychiatry as rubbish. And lastly, his latest appearance on Oprah; bizarre. He was doing the whole Magnolia thing, and come on…even if I was in love, and I mean really in love, I doubt that I’d need to stomp on a sofa repeatedly to make the point.

It did make the female audience go wild, though. He is Tom Cruise, after all.

Which leads me to this. Katie Holmes might be the very unwilling participant in a publicists’ spawned relationship. It might just be there for both their movies to pull in the big ones during the summer moviegoing season. This is a site that I bumped into, but it’s all good fun. Though they might be serious about it. Visit Free Katie at
http://mclaughlincameron.com/freekatie.html.

She’s a very, very sweet girl. Don’t let her suffer like this. Lord, she and Chris Klein looked so good together, eh? Pity it had to go from that to this.

Über slaughter.


Heavy rotation: Smile Like You Mean It by The Killers, from Hot Fuss (2004).

I remember liking the Killers’ Somebody Told Me when it first came out, but I think that Smile Like You Mean It and Mr. Brightside clinched the deal. Both of them are dead catchy, and at the same time, have *ahem* killer choruses, and best of all, some strange earnestness and honesty to them.
------------------------------------------
And someone is calling my name

From the back of the restaurant
And someone is playing a game
In the house that I grew up in
And someone will drive her around
Down the same streets that I did
On the same streets that I did
------------------------------------------
It sounds sad, and I don’t mean it in a pathetic way. Obviously the lyrics don’t do the song justice like this, so go and grab the song in whatever way possible.

dada returns - day:01




I have no idea what that is up there.
-----------------------------------------------------
8 hours from now, my father would've been back for exactly a day. it's been good so far...i haven't spoken to him an awful much, and didn't really see him throughout the afternoon. we've had some animated conversations about the whole seputeh/midvalley interchange thing (and he's actually considering fighting the residents association), so...it's all been a rather uneventful day. my left knee feels rather shitey. i got slammed by a very, very inflated ball. which means it was hard. which means i sorta walk funny.

later today, hopefully, will be a day of shopping. but somehow i think most of it will be spent cleaning the house. he obviously wasn't very pleased with the shoddy workmanship. as it was expected.

me bushed. me run away now. the humanity, oh, the humanity.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

the return of the dada.


my uncle was cleaning the house yesterday, in a frightfully diligent mood, and he was thorough. i came home from college to discover that everything had been mopped. Such diligence isn’t ever to be expected from my uncle, who usually sits by the television and humbly criticizes malaysian-chinese actresses, so the sudden rush of domestic work could only mean one thing: the return of the dada.

the hearing between my parents is about 2 weeks away, but that hasn’t stopped the dada from coming back to wreak havoc. and, as expected, i was shocked, but due to yesterday’s signs, i was prepared. my room was cleaned (everything was stashed away), and i managed to get all traces of vice out of the car. i’m covered, until my father decides to have some incredibly frank conversation with me about my life. the very conversation we have all the time before he leaves again.

i admit, life with the dada at home is quite good. i don’t have to pay for food, i can buy some clothes and possible those converse high tops i’ve been needing for a while. the downside is, i can’t touch the ps2, i can’t go out, and being online itself is difficult. it’s worst than being a prepubescent girl who’s dying to meet her puppy lover.

i’ve decided not to ask anything relating why he’s come back so early, unless he wants to tell me. i don’t think i’ll ask him when he’s going back, either, because that usually is a waste of time. not to sound like a miser, but i do hope that i can get an advance on my allowance. or at least a new computer monitor. or something.

as usual, my dad has brought back the obligator disposable razors, and something extra…six boxes of dove soap. he thinks lowly of our hygiene. he has to remind us. the prick.

i want my shoes.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Life is Red.




i suppose that says it all.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

An Apple a Day = Bollocks.


I went to the doctor’s today. And this how it went:

  1. Blood levels were okay. I won’t be anemic anytime soon.
  2. I’m eating too much meat. My liver might be failing as a result.
  3. My bone density is not good.
  4. The doctor recommended cutting down smoking, and to exercise more.

Brilliance. I’m on Jetepar pills. They help the liver out.

I’m so dead.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is.


i don't like buying food. granted, i love food...i really do...but i don't like buying it. y'see, if i bought something like...an action figure...or a cdrom drive...or a cell phone...it'd still be there when i come back home. but food is to be consumed...and i think it's the consumption aspect of it that i hate. i mean, i love consuming it...but...lord...it'd be better if it was free. sometimes i wonder about how food is actually priced. i know what the pricing strategies are...but they don't really answer the how or why of it all.

i went to jusco just now and this was the tally:-

  1. makimono --- RM 5.88 (88 sen?...how does that work out?)
  2. sushi mix --- RM 8.88 (i think it's auspicious)
  3. maggi 2 minute noodles --- RM 2.50
  4. kellogg's frosties --- RM 6.99 (i swear i saw it as RM 5 when i picked it up)
living life on a budget has taught me that it's not all good. i mean...when i finished the sushi i felt so bad. i was aware that it was significantly costly...hell, i realized that when i picked it up (it apparently wasn't on a 40% discount as always), but i wanted it. i went there just to get it. i suppose that it was worth it.

supposition doesn't justify our actions, i know. but where did all the money go? to my mouth. where all my money goes to. thankfully.

The Day West Won Monaco.


An English Formula One team initiated by a Kiwi with a lead driver who's Finnish. Nothing's more intercontinental than Formula One. It was quite cool hearing God Save The Queen for the second time in two weeks; even cooler considering the fact that the first three cars were all Germanic-Anglo teams. Kudos. Kudos.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Fuelled Slumber.


the dreams i've had lately have been bizarre. it's about half past 2 in the morning now. i've just had one of my strangest dreams yet. i was having sex with an old friend (a girl, by the way...just wanted to clarify that). we went to bed together. we woke up, and then my room had changed. the windows had changed their position and there were neighbours looking in. for some strange reason, the room was positioned at the rear of the house...the master bedroom in my house. we then went into the toilet, where...uh...she turned into a guy. who then turned into me. and then for some strange reason, i fought myself, and then found that the room returned to normal.

i went outside, and discovered that i had a large brown cocker spaniel. in my uncle's room. my uncle had turned into a dog. i then encountered one of my friends from college, who apparently was messing with my mind. i saw her in my room...and for some strange reason, i had an exchange with her over a book that i had read a few months earlier that talked about mind control/mind powers. bizarre. the dog then went into the master bedroom's toilet and took a dump. a large one. i killed my friend. i think. i can't remember.

freakish.

there is no moral in all of this. i never expected my mind to hatch some reality jumping dream. i wish i could have a dream where i'd stolen a car and lived life on the fast lane, but...having dreams about my world being warped is cool. to an extent. this dream was like a mix of eras....from GiS to now. a life-encompassing dream.

freakish.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Portrait of the Sleep Deprived - again.




look into these bloodshot eyes
a portrait of the sleep deprived

no coffee for the sleep obsessed
no peace they find until they rest

no night can quell my inner light
which stays awake without a fight

for once, i wish i'd just mildew
into the shadows that you drew

i can't write poetry to save my life
but i'd sell my poetry for your wife

your wife is hot and i'm alone
i'd give your hottie wife a bone

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Revenge of the Sith (Part One).



The first thing I thought to myself when I saw the opening space battle was that Lucas' faith in CGI was founded, and I did understand why he opted for CGI as opposed to the old-school models that we found so appealing. It was always said that the beauty of A New Hope was the opening; once the audience bought it, you had them where you wanted them. The same can be said of Revenge of the Sith. It didn't live up to all our expectations...in a way, that'd be hard to do...but with that said, I went out of the cinema thinking that it wasn't too shabby, which is more than what I can say for the memories that were Episode One and (the significantly better) Episode Two. I still don't buy Lucas' statements that the Star Wars story is Anakin's story; I see it as one big mix of nuts.

I would recommend that everyone sees it, but the real people who would see it are probably those who've kept up with the story since the beginning...in some way, it'd probably mean a lot more to them than it would someone who's riding on the wave of hype that the movie has understandably raised. There were some bits that we'd all cringe at...the perfect example would be the ultracheesy dialogue between Padme and Anakin. But if you think about it, it fits Star Wars...and who knows? People from long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away might have spoken like that. And you can definitely feel the matinee-like atmosphere that Lucas has been so desperately trying to raise with the previous two episodes. In a sense, it.s like he decided to sit back, relax and roll with this one. I suppose that he just decided to dump the pressure and have some fun.

Extra kudos goes to Obi-Wan and Anakin's traded banter in the beginning. It felt like a buddy-cop movie of sorts. Also, Artoo is one resilient droid...but it does give some sense of satisfaction seeing him kicked around. Literally. According to Justin and Sazman, the Millenium Falcon makes a brief cameo. I couldn't see it...aw, well. There's always the next viewing to try to catch it.

I brought the lightsaber. It was a big hit with the ladies. I wish.

Later.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

The Future Is Here.


e3-2005-ps3-official-20050516053247390
Originally uploaded by the ian.

it's sleek. it's sexy. it's black. it's white. it's silver. excuse my geekiness over this, but the new playstation 3 is hot. the controller is so...stealth-like. it oozes coolness. i can definitely see my first paycheque being used on this.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

It Was Because of Sheep.


I don't get online polls or horoscopes that dictate the person that I am. The following is a prime example of this. It was all because I wanted to talk to sheep. Apparently my desire to communicate with sheep, along with a desire for a white tiger as a pet and other things makes me a bastard. Fabulous. My soul has been laid bare and it's now unearthed. Results may vary. Don't trust the sheep. Enjoy.
--------------------


The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth.
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.




------------------------------
Sadly, though, I am a bastard at heart. The truth stings, doesn't it?

Friday, May 13, 2005

Cloud my mind.


I now have a ticket for the midnight-ish showing of Episode 3, on the earlyearlyearlyearly morning of May 19th.

It sounds sad, I know.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Wednesday, 4:30 a.m. --- went with Justin for a pre-breakfast breakfast...then went to his place to watch The Empire Strikes Back.

7:00 a.m. --- started on Return of the Jedi

8:00 a.m. --- paused the movie to send Justin's grandmother and her friend to the hospital. Subsequently had breakfast with Sazman at McD's.

10:30 a.m. --- finished Return of the Jedi. Turned on the French dialogue and saw Star Wars in a new light. Saw a chockful of bonus material.

2:00 p.m. --- proceeded to KLCC's TGV cinemas to buy tickets for Episode 3. Line was non-existent. The fools. Got good seats. Had lunch at Burger King. Took the Ep.3 paper cup home.

Did my usual during the evening. Came back from a walk, and went to sleep. Now I've been awake for an hour and a half. Distressing.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

This Is My Truth.


I don’t think I’ve learnt much over the last 5 years. From finishing my ‘O’ Levels til now, I’m essentially the same person: timid, long-haired, nervous, slightly neurotic, with a penchant for saying stupid things at the worst times. Or with a penchant for saying stupid things. Period. Without a doubt, these last 5 years should’ve been a launching pad for a whole new world of responsibility and experience, but in the end, I’ve been living my life as if I’d never have to move on to any next step or stage. The problem with that, I suppose, is that although I try to convince myself that I do regret it, I don’t regret it at all. There’re no feelings of remorse to be found. And you’d suspect that there’d be something wrong with that. I mean, I’m supposed to be conscientious. It’s in my genetic makeup.

I envy my friends who have moved on. They’ve graduated, and now they’re picking up the pieces of whatever they’ve left behind…on the pathway to some sort of redemption after years of slogging it off. Granted, it’s a whole new world of slogging away, but…c’mon…you’ve got to admit, earning your own money to buy stuff you always wanted without consulting your parents is a whole new form of independence that anyone would want. I might have been critical of their situations, but at the same time…it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Though sometimes, I do still think that my path leads along a different way. Just that like everyone else in my situation, I’d love to achieve a lot with the bare minimum amount of effort possible. And that, my friends, might be my utter undoing.

Y’see, beneath the veneer of this underachieving (yet highly loveable) bum, beneath the façade that I’ve managed to put up, I’d love to be something certain and concrete. I suppose that all of us question ourselves why we do whatever it is we’re doing. Some of us have had set plans. Most of us are just unorthodox and jump straight in without thinking twice. I’d prefer to think of myself as the latter. And with the mess that I’ve started, I’ve got to get out of it. Isn’t that what living’s about? Getting out of scraps?

I’d love to be a man. A real man. Someone who can take responsibility for those whom he cares about. I’d love to be the kind of man that can take care of everything and settle everything because he has the resources to do that…and to shower everyone around him with the respect and dignity that only a man of his stature can.

I’d love to be a husband. Be there for whoever it is all the time, and just be there. And be patient, and be willing to always listen, not because I don’t have a choice, but because it’s what I’d do. By default, I’d love to be the kind of person who can love unselfishly, who will always give whatever possible to make sure it works out. I’d try my best not to overdo it, but I’d be her best friend whenever possible. I would never cheat, I would never be pulled away. I would only have eyes for one person.

I’d love to be a father. And raise a child the way that my parents didn’t raise me. (Though in this instance, I think about myself, and have admitted that I would want to have a cool child. A jock, who also embraces pop culture and the arts). I would ensure that my child is given a rocking childhood. Memories fit to be put into photo albums, to be shown for years to come. A picture perfect environment. Something fun.

The reality is as far from this as possible. These days, these dreams are just that: dreams. We can all be wishful thinkers and say that it’s a possibility, but it’s drizzling shits and none of us are wiser for it. But I’ve already laid the gauntlet down by stating what it is I do want for my future. The task at hand is to achieve it. I suppose that the amount of time it’d take is irrelevant. I suppose that the means to the end is irrelevant. I suppose that I’d have to work my arse off. In hindsight, I can see where I’ve gone wrong, and how far I’ve gone astray upon the path to achieve all this.

But then again, it wouldn’t be me, would it? I mean…I am supposed to be the spontaneous one. The question is…would I really want to be identified with that? I remember talking to someone at college…she assumed that I was the perpetual optimist because of the way I behaved. I told her otherwise…and she surprised. Maybe I am a perpetual optimist underneath it all…just that it’s all suppressed.

Though the character analysis isn’t really my thing.

I don’t want to say that I feel helpless in my situation. In truth, we’re not helpless, no matter how dire the surroundings. We make choices all the time. And sometimes, the circumstances of those choices are very, very obvious. We’re totally conscious of those decisions. It’s just a matter of taking an initiative to do things right. And for some strange reason, I don’t have that initiative. I don’t think that I ever had it. I’d prefer to stay at home and procrastinate. I’d tell you it’s because I like the “pressure” from doing last-minute work or whatnot…in truth, it’s probably because up to a critical point, I can’t be bothered to even lift a finger to help myself.

I take solace in knowing that I’m not the only one like this. But it doesn’t make anything better; it doesn’t make anything right.

I love my life. And I know that there can be a lot more going for it than what it’s like know. Definitely. I guess getting to wherever is the important part. People would debate whether it’s the journey or destination that’s more important. I don’t really care…I think we’d have that figured out once we get to wherever it is we want to go.

So…have I made mistakes these last 5 years? Plenty. Am I paying for them now? Yes. But I can’t say that they were all wrong choices. I can’t say that I should rightfully feel remorse. Sinatra did it his way, and we all do it our way. That’s the way it goes. Maybe it’s time to shift in a new direction, y’know? But at the end of the day, after this peppy post, I know that I’m going to go back into being me. But maybe, just maybe, I’ll be better off for it. I mean, even Justin managed to do work during the morning. And he’s the perpetual bum. That itself is inspiring, to a degree (he subsequently slept for the whole day and woke up a short time ago).

This is my truth. Show me yours.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Episode 22: The Showdown.



It's confirmed. From this day on, I must watch The O.C.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

random.


i take the hairs off her eyes
and put them back into place
while she smiles at me
and puts her arms around my shoulders

she tells me that it's alright
that she's happy being still
now that we're older
we have more time

she talks about running around
and how she likes spaces
and how she likes seeing things
built up from nothing at all

she says that it's like us
how there was nothing
and then there was progress
and then there was now

and then she kisses me
and i cry


and i laugh
i feel the wave like nothing i'd felt before
before her?
there wasn't much going on
and there won't be much going on
when she's gone

she says "i'll know that i'll leave you"
"but i won't be gone soon"
"i know that you're waiting"
"but it's all in vain"

she takes my hand and we walk
take the clock's hands and pull them
we won't walk away from what fate has in store
but the problem is: we don't believe in it

so what do you say when all's been said?
what do you get for trying?
the night's taken over and the day is gonea
nd the moment's set for crying

the fiddles play their final tune
and the harp has its final strumming
and the band stopped hours ago
and the music stopped playing

and i still stand here
hands in pockets
looking at a sky
shoulders shrugged

i guess there's nothing left to say
au revoir, good bye!, see you soon
i need a cigarette but i don't have any
i guess i'll just sit here and think about food

Monday, May 02, 2005

candy girl.


i think i was attempting to be edgy with these lyrics. the melody does do them justice, though. enjoy.
-----------------------------------------------
back then when life was so pretty
i fell in love with a candy girl
blonde hair and extra large titties
she had the juice to fuel my world

back then we were smoking sahara
her skin was a desert of gems and pearls
my only love and all that did matter
was my little candy girl

what's the matter with you, my baby?
can't you feel the disease?
give your love to candy, baby
she'll go down on her knees

back then the stars were a-crossing
the moon struck blue on the bowery
she wore her diamonds with frosting
and we made love by the pacific sea

what's the matter with you, my baby?
can't you see all the signs?
give your love to candy, baby
she'll leave you all feeling fine

back then when i was much younger

i used to dream of flying free
we used to live by our hunger
but now we live in our luxury

what's the matter with you, my baby?
can't you be on your own?
give your love to candy, baby
she'll leave you feeling all blown
what's the matter with you, my baby?

you're feeling low, indeed
give your love to candy, baby
she'll carry you and your seed
what's the matter with you, my baby?

what's the matter with you?
what's the matter with you, my baby?
your precious dream's coming true