here i am. about an hour or so before i leave this charming country for home. mmm. i haven't slept for 2 days...well, if you count the 2 hours' of sleep each morning, then i guess that i've technically been awake for 2 days. yea, well. i saw the dogs off at the cleaners'...it was heartbreaking. i love domingo. he's my cocker. i'm a full-grown [that's putting it mildly] boy of 19 and here i am, lamenting over a dog. oh, woe, why did i not take the dog back with me to malaysia? well, i will be. domingo's a black cocker [tsk, tsk, you dirty minds!] who has brown paws and brown fur on his underside. he's got the face of a thinker...he's quite a smart dog. he always manages to find a new way into the residence...and then there're linda and julio. two small pooches...with a full body of fur...they're the cutest. mmm. and the weather here is perfect...warm when it has to be, cold when it has to be. manomanoman. the wind chimes are playing another melody outside. ugh. i've been laying around the sofa and trying to get some shut eye. now i'm nicely dressed and waiting for the time to fly by. so...i guess it will.

i'll be home for christmas [or a little before that],
baby, wait for me...ugh.

crazy stomach.

here's a good thought. "hello sir", by robbie williams.
------------------------------------
Hello Sir, remember me?
I'm the man you thought I'd never be.
The boy who you reduced to tears,
Lad called 'thingy' for six whole years.

Yes, that's right, my name's Bob.
The one who landed the pop star's job.
The one you told, look don't touch,
The kid who wouldn't amount to much.

Well, I'm here and you're still there.
With a fake sports car and receding hair.
Dodgy Farah trousers that you think are smart.
Married to the woman who teaches art.

Married to the life, married to the school.
I wanna sing and dance Sir; now who's the fool?
Sing and dance, you thought I was barmy.
Settle down thingy, join the army.

And who are you to tell me this?
The dream I want I'll have to miss.
Sir is God, he's been given the right,
To structure lives overnight.

Now I know life's true path.
Tanks and guns, that'll be a laugh
No, not me I'm a mega civilian,
I won't lead my life riding pillion.

But thanks for the advice and I'm sure it'll do;
For the negative dickheads just like you.
As for now I've a different weapon;
Stage and sceen is about to beckon.

And here I sit in first class.
Bollocks, Sir, kiss my arse...
---------------------------------------------
it's beautiful really, if you've heard it. reading it doesn't really do much. it might not be the best form of inspirational, but in its own morose way, it does inspire, doesn't it? i leave that to you, i guess.

elvis. what a name. what an icon. everyone wanted to be him. and no one could. as it's been pointed out to me by various people, elvis does have a very substantial share of female fans...it's just that he also has a legion of male fans who greatly outnumber the women. and it's not that they're gay...it's just that elvis was someone whom you had to admire. i think elvis was officially the world's first rock star. he was all sex, drugs and rock 'n roll...but he didn't disappoint as an entertainer, even during his weaker later years. like i said, everyone wanted to be elvis...to a certain extent, i do, too. i've visited graceland before...but i was too young...but i think i was mouthing the guitar riff to heartbreak hotel. man. elvis made rock 'n roll. a small town boy who came from rags to riches...it's a story that inspires everyone, and i think what makes it all the more special is that he was a white man singing with a black voice. he crossed the line. like what eminem's doing for hip-hop and rap; elvis did the same for rock 'n roll. he made it commercially viable...not the viability that you find today...he made it work. he made us open our eyes. he was the king of rock 'n roll...and no one's ever going to replace him. the king is dead? hail to the king, baby.

thank y'all. thank y'all very much.

mmm...well, well...i've just gotten an address via icq. and here we are: . this belongs to my friend, justin. erm. he's always got something to say. what kind of person is he? he'd probably push you over the ledge of the highest mountain ever and laugh about it. while you're still falling. no, he's a good guy, really...he drives the funkiest car and he's got the coolest stuff. did i mention that he drives a funkiest car? anyway, check out his blog...i guess. ooo. free plug! free plug! i'm such a nice guy, dammit.

james bond. debonaire. suave. dashing. the right man for a job...any job. it's a pity we don't see him mopping, or cooking. i mean...what does james bond do when he isn't out and about, galivanting and saving our world? what does he do when there're no anarchists or megalomaniacs to destoy? wait...in simpler terms...when there're no women to liberate, and no madmen to kill, what does james bond DO? does he do gardening? does he stay at home, exercise on the threadmill and watch bold and the beautiful reruns? mmm. the life of a secret agent is always shrouded in mystery...nevertheless, james bond will always live in our hearts.

next message: elvis.

right now i'm in my dad's office, trying to figure out why it is that we watch news channels like cnn. i mean...i don't really watch the news all that much, but when i do, it just seems that the facts are totally presented in a one view that seems to be conflicting everything else. it looks like nothing can be presented neutrally. it's just so sad. and the worse thing is, most of us still watch the news anyway. we might realize that it's biased, we might realize that it's one big farce, but we keep on watching, anyway. it doesn't matter what we think...we all still see the same things, anyway. right now there's this discussion over the new chinese government that's been installed...whether or not they'll be any freedom for the chinese people to believe in democracy, and it's quite hard to listen to all this. they're two views...that china basically won't change, and that china will change. i can't really say anything about this...it just seems that everything's so distorted. i mean...why do we even care? well, we still watch it...it's just like never getting a saturation level on something bad. it's like sugar. yea, i know...comparing news to sugar is very strange, but...i hope you get the point. mmm.

this office is nice. there's air-conditioning.

anyway...right now cnn is presenting e-mails about the usa and iraq...and the rest of the world. when people believe in killing for the greater good, it's dangerous...highly dangerous. i can understand being paranoid, but one problem is, the usa basically can press the button and wipe someone out...anytime. and that just isn't the kind of world that anyone would want to live in. by using force, i think that basically, you're just a terrorist...albeit a much bigger one. i don't know...i also agree that one man with a grenade in his hand is just as bad as a batallion. what really makes you think is the fact that no one is scared to die for their beliefs now...and between the usa and iraq, it'd probably come down to which side sticks to its guns the most. but what do i know?...i'm just a guy with a mind. honestly, i don't think that there's a difference made in whether or not that guns are in the hands of the good guys or bad. i don't want war...and i don't think anyone does. it's hard to say whether or not attacking anyone is necessary or even effective...it just makes a point that boys with toys will flaunt them no matter what.

life is scary.

people are always asking me, "man...what's the secret of your success?" well...what's the secret of the success of a band that hasn't even kicked itself off yet? i think it's ambition. why do you go into music...let's see...you want to be on mtv and get into those videos, dancing with the pretty girls while the camera changes its angle every second, thus causing a slightly claustrophobic effect. you want to own a mansion or a ranch somewhere in the midwest in the united states, away from prying eyes of the paparazzi, where you can raise your family in peace. you want to be on the cover of rolling stone, and stay there, a pop icon fixture for years to come. mmm. for me, if i ever become a rock star, which i really, really, really wouldn't mind becoming, it'd probably be...well...probably the mtv factor, and the fact that i could probably focus media attention on the agenda of my choice. the media kills...but it can also enlight. look at band-aid [which was kinda a farce in the end]. or any of the things that bono has brought up into our attention [yes, yes, he's my hero]. so i guess that tv isn't just for junk. who would've guessed? what does the modern media do for/to us? do we dictate, as demographics, what we want to see? or are we made to watch what they want us to? i don't know...from a marketing perspective, if you can get someone to buy your product without really needing it...you're set. remember...no one really cared about the arm pit until someone told you that it stunk like hell. well, he might've been right...but you never thought about it like that before.

in that respect, you have to wonder how stupid we as people really are.

ever seen fight club? i love that movie. i would love to be someone like tyler and stand up for myself and do something about the lack of spontaniety around me. but at the same time, i'd probably sit on my butt for the whole day and just feel slightly discontent. most people aren't fully satisfied with life...that's a normal thing. we always want something more. but going all renegade, starting up a project chaos team and handing out psychotic homework assignments isn't that practical. we want the easy way out as well...i'm sure that there're people like tyler out there...who aren't anarchists. they just want change. they want more in everything. but they're not going to get it; the world doesn't exactly work in their favour. and that's rather sad...but good to know. in the end, they might just have to resort to freeing animals from a zoo. ever heard of the army of 12 monkeys?

i guess we can't get tired of life...that's basically all that we have, really. you could have your cars, and your houses, your money, your discmen, your cds, home portable unit, your refrigerator, your dental care, your healthcare, your washing machine, your computer, your handphone, your palm, your clothes, your jeans, your cologne, your perfume, your sunglasses...but...how're you here to enjoy it? why're you here to enjoy it? what if there's some other purpose in your measly, unimportant life? wouldn't you want to find that purpose?

this has been a public service announcement.

still no slumber for your humble host. there's nothing like a hot shower as a catalyst for a long day. my dad has gone out to buy some more ingredients for tonight's dinner. the bright side of all this is the food...there's this indonesian maid that we usually hire to cook for the dinner parties...she cooks maggi goreng, just like home. it hasn't been that much of a bummer here. brasilia is the administrative capital of brazil...those of you who thought that it was rio, well...you're half right. to encourage development in the central region of brazil, 42 years ago, the plan for brasilia was made...the city was constructed in 2 years. pretty nifty...it also looks good, too. it's not as big as other major cities like rio or sao paulo, but i guess that it has a [smaller] life of its own. so far i've gone to rio and sao paulo, in terms of major cities. rio is just full of life. it doesn't seem to sleep. and the beaches there are beautiful...it's hard to believe that it's really all reclaimed land. fake beaches. but still good, definitely. and sao paulo is just one huge metropolis. huge. bustling, busy...lots of pollution, lots of cars, traffic jams everywhere, people hurrying to work. stores open all the time, crowded sidewalks...the whole city is living. mmm...i guess that this is the best time for me to reminisce. i thought about keeping a journal/scrapbook, but i've decided to keep small reminders like business cards and such in my wallet...i'm just a bum. the wind chimes/crystals are ringing lightly outside...it's a slow breeze. mmph. life here is great for the first two weeks...staying at home, watching satellite tv is great, but after a while, you tire of it...quickly. your mundane daily routine is worn like a second skin...and there's no way from escaping it unless you run away from it...but that's just me being bleak. are our lives getting mundane? are we really living? aren't we? i guess it varies from person to person and in what they find contentment in. mmm. talking about routines; it's off to breakfast in the kitchen. how normal could this get?

i'm utterly perturbed. it's cold outside, meaning that the water is just as cold. it's beautiful weather, but i don't really want a full all-out body jolt. i think i'll just take a walk or something generic like that. or play catch with the dog. or all three dogs. or something. life is grand. yes, it is. mmm. liverpool is out of the champions league. it might not mean much to most people, but it means a lot to me...to me, liverpool represents england as it is...anfield's finest are a team for all people. not just for the uppity like man utd. or arsenal [sorry, whoever's reading this who love either]...liverpool is for all. which is quite strange, seeing how it doesn't exactly represent [sic]'s best interest. no matter. i'm just typing too much again. mmmph. don't my fingers grow tired? what do i know about diamonds...? i'm just a boxing promoter...and again, what do i know about diamonds? don't they come from antwerp? uh. sorry...brain went crazy for a moment. that came from snatch [screen gems, 2000]. beautiful movie. horror of all horrors, it's also the only guy ritchie film i've ever seen.

mmm...

i can't sleep because my eyes are still open. that's what i used to tell my father. i should've said something like "i can't sleep because i can't shut my eyes". mmm. this could be terminal. nah. even i don't have it that bad. i refuse to sleep. i believe that sleep makes you waste away the hours when you could be doing something, no matter what time it is. you know what they say? about how people spend half their lives sleeping? i want to cut down my accumulated probable slumber time to a quarter of my life. life isn't about sleeping...life is about living. life is not to fear; life is to enjoy. that was written by stephen jenkins. third eye blind's new album was meant to come out this year. the buggers. i've been waiting ages for it. they're good, too. one reason why i'll never truly be fully integrated into [sic] is probably due to my tastes in music. i just like it all. it's like sampling all the 31 flavours in a baskin robins and getting nowhere. you love them all. i call it eclectism. i don't want to know what others call it. but from what i've gathered, i like u2, 3eb, bon jovi...a strange combination. shut up. i used to be a michael jackson fan. i still am, in a way. the same goes to britney and timberlake. they're performers...all-round artistes. they entertain people. they're stars in their own right. anyone who can hold an audience by the reins and just heighten expectations and meet them...are just amazing. every boy, at least once, dreams of being a popstar/rock icon/astronaut/cowboy/racing driver...kinda sad how we all become disappointed...but disappointment can always be a positive fuel.

~always look on the bright side of life~ - monty python

okay. enough for now. my eyes are dry. exposed. overexposed. sensitive. i have beautiful eyes. yes, i do.

i need to rest my aching head. it's 6:35 in the morning and brasilia and i've been spending the night ripping cds, attempting to pack [and getting nowhere], eating junk food and...well...that's it. my life. or...my life here is about to end. this is my last full day in brazil...tomorrow morning [friday] is going to be spent...leaving. 2 and a half months pass by so fast. whatever. i can't wait to go home. but i can wait to do the things that i have to do when i get home...just that i can't. i mean...who can fit in banking, applying for university and updating car insurance and road tax documentation in 3 days? a lot of people, but not me...for i am the master procrastinator. hey. that rhymes. in a way. but alas, i have no choice, if i want to drive a kancil...which i don't want to, but then again...i have no choice. i could go on whining and whining but the truth of the matter is, this is my second time typing something like this out in 10 minutes...try #1 didn't really get published. mmmph. there's a flaw in the system. that statement brings back thoughts of a never-ending metropolis [or at least just sydney] being bullet-ridden and full of people in cool black suits. and slow motion shots of girls holding a gun ala two gun mojo. speaking of mojo...the powerpuff girls are so cute. they're adorable. mmm. this is probably a symptom of staying up for a long time. probably...but not likely...mmm. the birds are chirping outside. and they're pretty loud. i wish i could smile a bit, but i'm slightly cranky. my eyes are starting to hurt, and i've just realized that i'm still blabbering away about nothing...though i guess that's what the point of this whole thing is. well...a brief introduction seems to be at hand here. i guess.

to cut it short...i'm 19, a full-fledged funkyhippo [with even some groove to spare to all you spacemonekeys out there who have no beat], a whitey in a chink body [banana republican], with a passion for the voice. yes. i'm that funky; it's all all-out crime. mmm. 40 more minutes and i'm going to the pool. absolutely. i'll probably sleep and drown in it, and no one would probably notice. it's that bad...if you're reading this, paolo, you're the star of my show. yes, now that i have the thought of doing it, let me tell you about [sic]...[sic] was the brainchild of paolo and jason sanjeev [who has since gone awol]. the band's objective is to be as obnoxious and as uppity...more than any other band around. but a few things hold the band from stardom.

#1: there is no band at the moment, save paolo and a beat maker.
#2: paolo is [sic]...who's been to every [sic] gig? paolo. [it worked better if the name "krist n." replaced "paolo" and "[sic]" was replaced with "nirvana"].
#3: paolo writes the songs of [sic]...which have been sorely lacking.
#4: i sing like a croaking frog. that's probably why there're no groupies.

well, today is the day that i fight back. yes. it is. i'll write songs...good ones...and contribute them to the [sic] canon. no more taitalk (my yet to be released solo album)...i'll focus on [sic] indefinitely. my commitment to the band only shows how much i love it...remember...God gave rock and roll to you...and you can thank Kiss for that lovely title. yes. the planes are flying overhead. i stay near a airport. airports remind me of u2 in the "beautiful day" video from their album all that you can't leave behind (universal, 2001). and speaking of which...i saw their live in boston concert video on hbo just now, from 0130 to 0300...it was good stuff. bono is the man to beat. he's so full of energy...he was running laps around. mmm. i wonder how many calories you lose by performing a night. yes. a vainpot am i. a chinese peacock. just without the grace and beauty. grace finds beauty in many things. amen. that's all for now. i want to swim with the leaves and be free. be free. walk on. amen.