Wednesday, May 31, 2006

malaysia needs the tivo.

amazing. my father's probably having the time of his life in penang while i'm stuck at home, bogged down by impending project/sponsorship deadlines and the fact that my extended month-break is going to be interrupted by frequent visits to college. it's been a good two days, though, as i've caught up on 4 episodes of Lost. to be dead honest with you, i'd almost given up on the show.

it was lagging behind The O.C., Boston Legal and 24 as the show i was doomed to finish only by september or november, when the fourth season would rear its head. funnily enough, i still have the season finale of 24 on my hard drive, waiting to be viewed and subsequently burnt onto disc.

are you that type of person who reads the last page of a novel first to get to the bottom of things, and then reads it from the beginning to see how the plot developed? i am, but not because i'm interested in how things got to where they were...i'm just lazy and i love quick resolutions. it's strange that i don't really act like this in real life. i'd downloaded Lost's season finale and scanned through it today without viewing the 4 episodes before it. granted, it wasn't a full viewing but...

i love spoilers. i love knowing what happens next. i suppose that i'd be the one to leak out secrets as well.

i also love spoiling things for others. i can't keep my trap shut long enough to divulge something obscenely spoilerish.

but serves you right for not keeping up, no? it really would be your fault for not submitting to your weekly fix of drama. alas, now we've got to wait a few more months before it begins again.

september's so far away.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

oh boy.

Monday, May 29, 2006

#704.

i rub my eyes and they dry, turning red. inside my head, a voice tells me that i'm tired, that i'm a candle that's burnt its last. i'm at a dead end, hit a brick wall. i don't know where to go.

seven years have come and gone but i'm hardly wiser. the years have hardly been wasted. some of the years have been good.

others have been miserable.

but it was good knowing that a few of those years had you in them. how good life is with someone and all that...malarkey. you'd tend to believe in it, if you thought yourself ready for dreaming of something more. everybody wants something more, so why can't we? why couldn't we?

where'd we go wrong? where did...i?...go wrong?

sometimes i think that it's genetic. that i wreck anything i touch, anything. from a piece of string that was a solid line to something very tangled. to my own life. i never meant to wreck it for you. because wrecking it for you would've meant wrecking it for me.

strange, that i'd be so willing to dispense my worst upon myself? self-affliction's a bitch. and i, a son of one.

but i wrecked it, nonetheless, and after doing so, saw firsthand the lunge that i took into some kind of sick desperation. being young, naive, immersed into a dreamworld i'd kicked myself into because you didn't want to join me there...i wasn't crazy. there're probably simpler ways to put all this into perspective but i can't find the words right now. this pretentious passage of passive poppyshit is the best that i can do. pardon the bad alliteration at the beginning of the last sentence.

seven years, at least one and a half of them with you, and they still bite.

even when they shouldn't have. i think that people usually let themselves feel the pain because they love wallowing in self-pity. oh, me and mine have faded away, the rant goes on and on. lament, lament, it goes on. and on. and on. until there's none left.

then we find more things to rant upon. that's what we are.

me? i rant about the same things. it's always there, you know. regret.

better to regret something you did than something you'd never done.

i miss you, you probably know that. you've heard it before, you'll hear it again. in a childish way, i'll probably hold this to the day i die. even if things do work out fine and chummy for me. something's left a scar in me. takes forever to heal, especially in moments like these when you're in the dark. and assessing the past. making a list of rights and wrongs, dos and don'ts, wants and want-nots.

there's always an element of risk and regret in life. i still don't know how to handle the latter.

i never wanted to hurt you but i did. i guess that if i really cared, i wouldn't have. is this true? could i have been less careless?

i don't know where i am now. i'm nowhere, i'm going nowhere and i've been nowhere. i wasn't nowhere when i was with you. it's not strange being lost. it's just sad when you realize that you are. i've done nothing in my life that would warrant having you. but i feel that i need you and that it would only be right for it to happen the way i want it.

selfish, isn't it?

i feel like a failure on so many different levels that i don't really know where to start.

i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i don't know what else to say to you.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

when i read the letter you wrote, it made me mad, mad, mad.

hello.

so this is how it's going to be from now on?

well.

i can live with it.

i'm used to it.

i'm not that hopeless.

okay.

maybe a little.

but i'm trying.

so should you.

goodbye.

goodbye.

don't go.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

snikt.

i caught x3 last night with paolo and edwin, and i'm sort of sitting in the middle of hating and loving it. there were so many references and tidbits that an x-men fan would've picked up on, and there were moments of brilliance. then again, it felt a little campy and less fetching than anything bryan singer had anything done. i can't say for certain if brett ratner did a good job; i have to say that i'd have waited a year for singer to come back and finish his take on the x-men.

story goes that marvel was peeved that he left the project to go to superman returns (gotta watch that) and replaced him with the guy who directed...rush hour 1 and 2. another story goes that they couldn't wait a year for him to begin x3.

all i can say was that i left the cinema thinking that it could've been better, but was probably good enough (my love for mutants makes everything alright).

at least it makes me wanna dig up my old x-men comics. and watch x1 and x2 again.

by my stars and garters.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

apologies to the Council and everyone else.

i have single handedly slaughtered the orientation program.

um.

sorry.

yes.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

marissa cooper, 1988 - 2006.

thanks for three years of memories. but this was bound to happen sooner or later. i guess it could be said that you went out in a blaze of glory. even if the landcruiser exploded after ryan got you out. must be a bummer, not being able to sail to greece with your dad. it might've been a fun year. but what's life without what ifs?

we're going to miss you, coop.

chronomatic love-omatic.

just came back from carrefour. buying the groceries soothes me somewhat.

saw this couple. at first i thought they were father and daughter. he looked old enough to be her dad. but the way he was holding her whilst pushing their cart made me think otherwise.

sugar daddy? maybe.

a bit weird. it doesn't count as pedophilia coz she looked as old as i am, maybe just a bit younger. but it is a little bit extreme.

who'm i to question what they feel?

i hope i'm wrong. maybe they really are a child and father...with a normal father-child relationship. possibilities are endless.

reminds me of the conversations that the masterful surprise and i have had in the past. he would most likely go after my daughter than vice versa.

in 30 years, i'll have my shotgun ready.

Monday, May 22, 2006

you + me = wii




i'll tell you a secret. i've never finished super mario brothers before. i had my first NES when i was around 7 or 6, back in new york. my father's close friend and his family were staying over, and he had 2 sons, one my age and another one a little younger. one night, my father unexpectedly bought me a NES. the nintendo carts back then were huge. super mario brothers came with duck hunt. it also had that zapper that came along with it. never mind about all that micro genius rubbish that asians were getting...i had the real american deal back then.

but i never finished the game that started it all. even on emulator, which is even harder for me. i only had around 4 games on the nintendo over a 3 year history. sad, no? i finished double dragon 2, barely played astyanax and received smash tv as a gift. died after the second level. i think i was too young to appreciate it all...i wasn't old enough. reflexes weren't quite honed yet. i can give you whatever excuses you want.

then in singapore, i got a snes somehow. i can't remember the specifics but i think it took a visit to my father's friend's home to see that his 2 sons were playing street fighter 2. things were different. stereo sound, crisp 16-bit graphics. i ploughed my way through super mario world. i was given a lot of games (about S$ 1000+'s worth) and this continued when we came back to kl. the best part is, the snes still works. though some of the games have been swapped away, i'm quite happy that it's still running. the same couldn't be said about the nes. i had to leave it behind in the states, all those years ago. otherwise, whoooooooooooo.

i was left in the gaming wilderness for a few years before i bought someone's dreamcast. granted, it was already a dead machine back in 2003 when i'd bought it, but it was the closest thing to a brand spanking new console i had at the time. i did one better and bought a ps2 shortly after, which still loyally serves me til this day. besides the minor problem of it not being able to play certain games, it's...i can't believe i'm using this term...dope.

this year, the xbox 360 was released. i wouldn't want to spend money on it. later this year, the ps3 is coming out. if i had money, i'd spend it on that.

and then comes the dark horse of the race...the new nintendo wii.

that's right. the wii. as in...we. or wheee. or....wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, as i like to put it.

fabulous machine. it won't change the face of gaming, but it'll make it a lot more fun. it's like a novelty console that you have to own. i'm not into the technical aspects, but...imagine playing tennis, and how your movements are translated onto the screen. or catching a fish. or swinging a sword. or conducting a symphony. it's all possible, thanks to that mad-ass controller and a bit of bluetooth.

it's really the ultimate party machine. and it's not just for guys, it's for...everyone. dare i say, chicks might love it more. i mean, they did come up with nintendogs. no way i'm gonna touch that. (or i might, but you'd never know).

nintendo is the last console maker standing from way back when. we had systems from other companies like the jaguar, turbo grafix 16, multiple manufacturers coming out with the 3do (thank you, panasonic). atari was shut down. sega's gone on to be everybody else's whipping boy. but nintendo has still been around, though barely.

but if i do get enough money, by hook or crook, i can bet that even my father would be charmed by the wii.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

hey, you.

frozen poultry products can be hazardous. i cooked some pieces of spicy frozen chicken for yesterday's lunch. doused them around, let them sit and fry their asses off in the teflon pan for over half an hour while i watched james spader defending jeri ryan on the boston legal season finale (i had to give it another mention). the chickens looked ready. i took them out of the frying pan. they were (more or less) properly cooked and tasted good. all my failed experiments with frozen proto-chicken had come to a rewarding conclusion. i suppose that after months of trying, i'd found the secret behind cooking processed meats: patience.

patience is integral to survival. these days, in a world whose pace is quickening, where technology can get us what we need on the fly, we forget about what it's like to just sit down and chill the fuck out. ever gotten sick of seeing the world flying by you, and feeling unable to catch up? here's a hint...don't.

everything's bound to burn out soon. give it time. everything's going to fall apart, tearing at the seams. it's really a matter of time when the people around you hang themselves. what's the rush in dying? breathe a little easier. take your shoes off. loosen your tie. put your feet on the table. do some tai chi, and look at the beauty around you which is the world we live in. laugh at all the fools, who assume that they're onto better things in life.

i haven't seen the future. but i know that the future will open its arms to everyone, not only those who want to climb the ladder as quickly as possible. they'll never be open to what's around them. their single-tracked minds won't process anything more than objectives and key performance indicators. they won't know life...they won't know how to live.

do you feel that vibe? it's telling you to sit down and be at peace with yourself. the faster you find your inner icecube (and i'm not talking about the NWA), the faster you'll realize that this is one big farce and you've saved yourself from succumbing to the Great Con. life is for living, and we don't want to live it alone. so why should we force ourselves to do so?

i'm not asking you to hug a tree.

i'm not asking you to shake a stranger's hand.

i'm asking you to love yourself more because you're worth it.

and because you're worth it, i want you to end your cycle of pain. i want you to step out of the circle. i want you to stop being abused. i want you to stop feeling hurt. i want to free you. i want to rescue you. i wish i knew how. i wish i could wipe away your tears, to tell you it's alright. i wish i could be there for you. i wish that i could send my spirit to you. i wish that you could find the strength to run away from your fear. to run away from your pain.

and because you're worth it, i want you to get away from those who've hurt you. i want you to see for yourself that you, alone, can make things possible. you are responsible. you can be in control, if you let it happen.

and because you're worth it, you can do so much more. don't give up. don't give up on me, please. i'll never give up on you. i promise.

i love you.

we love you.

funny way to end a post that started with chicken, i know. only one way i can say this, really.

we're here for you, if you need us, always. if you need me. i wish you would.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Q pics i DON'T like.

i don't like this one.

while i'd usually be craving for less clothes on her, this is just wrong.

zoom in on her face. too much colour? too little makeup? i'm not sure.

much too tanned.

this reeks of 80s cantopop celebrity profile pictures...the ones with the similar hues as the picture above. but the 666 on her left cup is a nice touch. but lord...the picture is so tvb.
----------------------------------
i've been on a maggie q roll lately, i realize that, but it's good to know that not everyone can look perfect, no matter how professional the shoot. then again, the only reason why i consider these pictures tasteless are coz...my tastes are the basis for my opinions. i got these off her official site, maggieq.net. it needs a major overhaul. you can find more awful portfolio pictures like these. but, lo and behold, there're also good pictures, like...

yummy.

and, to a lesser extent...

yummy...i suspect that the scan's a bit off, tho.
------------------------------------
i had dinner at ming tien with jeffrey, pei pei, khai lun and denise. after that, denise and i went over to khai lun's for a movie. the original plan was to have a sleepover but that was scrapped coz nobody was free.

and it would've been strange if denise was staying over alone.
very strange.

we watched
jay and silent bob strike back (my dvd) and i can assume that they sort of liked it...to an extent. how many times can you say fuck? now you know.

they'll all be heading down to melaka tomorrow morning (the lucky sods), while i might be having beer for lunch at
matt's sausage birthday blowout. that sounds wrong somewhat. ah, well. happy birthday, mr. ting!, though you don't read this at all.

weekend's looking up. finally.

on a sad note, i had to bid farewell to boston legal. i won't be seeing it for a few months. it's been a brilliant second season, and it's good to know it's being picked up for a third one. if anyone wants to borrow it off me, don't hesitate to ask. i've got to spread the liberal love.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

left, right, center.

is it our own doing that we're polarized into what camps we fall into...willingly? one wise man (on television) seemed to have it pinned down. granted, what he said was about america, but it could be applied to most countries around the world. as long as there's a majority, there's always going to be an opposition.

as lame as it is to quote a television character, this is alan shore:

"that's what troubles me, this notion that we have to take sides in this country now...you're either "with us or against us", republican or democrat...red state or blue state...

no one looks at an issue and struggles over the right position to take anymore...and yet our ability to reason is what makes us human...why do we seem so willing to forfeit that gift to reason in exchange for...the good feeling of belonging to a group?

we all just take the position of our team. i've certainly done it and hated myself for it."

can't we all just...get along?

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

one picture of maggie q.

just as good in real life as she is in celluloid. click here for more.

sitting by an ocean.

twilight.

you're wearing an oversized sweatshirt, along with an old pair of shorts. you've pulled your knees to your chest and your chin's resting on them, with your hands clasped around your legs. the waves are quiet, and the reflection of the setting sun seems to shimmer onto the water. a cool breeze finds it way to you, and your hair's being blown away carelessly as you stare at the fire you've made on the sand.

the flames flicker and dance under the power of the breeze, and steady themselves as the wind begins to calm itself. over the horizon you can see shades of purple and gold. nightfall's coming, prepared to take away the overstaying dusk into some kind of slumber.

you look up into the sky and wave your index finger around aimlessly on the wisps of clouds that you can still see.

you're not on a high right now, but things aren't that bad either.

in times like these, the only thing you have to remember is that when all else fails, you still have yourself. no matter what they say, you've got to stay strong and be above it all, above the clutter and the noise, above the discouragement. you have to stay strong. you've got to stay true to yourself and to who you are; to what you are.

and right now, you only have yourself.

because nobody loves you, baby.

not even me.

Monday, May 15, 2006

dance into the fire.

being a chinese male has its drawbacks. for starters, as opposed to having hairs on my chest, there're strands of hair around my fucking nipples. my belly has hair on it, leading down to there. this is going to sound a bit troubling, but i remember looking at jon bon jovi's chest circa 1994-1997 and thinking "that's one hairy man". it was macho. and then, if you take a look at the bounce photo inlay around 3 years ago, jbj's chest is totally smooth. the wimp. i don't understand why he couldn't just let it grow. isn't chest hair supposed to be some sign of virility? i guess that mr. jbj's a bit of a wilter now, no?

another drawback is the mole. i'm having an outbreak of moles --- i'd rather have an acne outbreak and zap them all with tea tree oil. but, alas, my skin is alright and there're no breakouts except for those black dots. my father's made this game of counting the precise number of moles on my body, and it's not really fun. so far, i don't have any hair growing out of any of them, but that would be disgusting. i don't care if they're meant to be a sign of great wisdom. i'd much rather have a silver head of hair ala taylor hicks.

now, these may not be common physical traits of young chinese males, just those who're unhealthy and desperately needing to get back into shape. on the bright side, i can still see my feet when i look down, and i'm still nimble on my feet.

sometimes i wonder if any other girls would appreciate me for what i am. i can safely say that there're at least two who do, but as long as women cheapen themselves by appearing to fall solely for the superficial, i guess i've got a lot of competition...i'm safely behind the competition. but then again, ladies have the right idea...why settle for less? perhaps because there's a likelihood that there's a lot more character, intelligence and wit behind each dude who doesn't look like an abercrombie and fitch model? it's the same for incredibly ugly girls: pop brought this up once, that incredibly fugly girls might actually know more about the world around them in a way to compromise for their lack of overall attractiveness.

style over substance? substance over style? it's amazing how many girls can actually fit into the category of being stereotypically ditzy. but those are the same girls who'd probably be able to date the really rich guys with the fast import racer, whilst those with lesser prospects such as ourselves are only able to compete for the hand-me-downs and yesterday's hot thing.

then again, i'm pretty sure that a lot of guys out there would avoid dating the fugly one unless you could put a paper bag over her head and be impressed by her body. the same goes for the ladies, except there're certain elements of a guy's body that just can't be improved, sadly.

it hurts me sometimes, when i see an incredibly hot girl with a guy who's even more unpresentable than i am, probably because i don't see the logic behind it, unless it's all about $$$. i've only been with one girl who would've stirred those kinda thoughts amongst other guys. and when put in a position like that, i couldn't help but gloat to myself over how good life was.

the superficial wins out in the end. it really does. and the nice guys lose out to the water polo players. the o.c. isn't far off. so unless i came from jinjang and became integrated into damansara heights' high society, i doubt that i'd attract much interest due to my highly cushy, normal, trouble-free, suburban middle class upbringing. no bad boy element. just a guy who wants to run around half naked, belly extended, sweaty, screaming at people to buy the duran duran greatest hits cd.

the superficial. then again, if your partner's fugly and you love them no matter what, at least you know it's true. but there'll always be that feeling that you could have it so much better. but before you even get there, it's always disheartening to note that your assets will never outweigh your shortcomings, and you'll probably be resigned to being with something below par once the above-par runs out on you. is it so bad to wish for consistency?

you never know how good you had it. but somehow, i feel that they never knew how good they had it, either.

wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes?

the grass is always greener other there.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Tagged by Theo.

Since nothing's going on, this is conveniently a lazy way out. Many thanks to Theo!

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Ian.
2. Foo Hing.
3. Tai Foo (underwear/undergarments)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My eyebrows. Bushy eyebrows indicate POWER.
2. My hair. When it's dry, it's luscious. Though thinning.
3. My fingers. They're agile and slim for those moments when they're needed.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My overweight body, though to be fair I'm working on it. Oooo. Defensive.
2. My piggish nose.
3. My flat, blocky feet.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Hakka, because of the Chinese ancestors and dialect.
2. Hokkien, because my greatgrandfather was one.
3. Cantonese, because we came from Canton.

THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T STAND:
1. Eurodance.
2. Religious zealots of any faith.
3. Bittergourd.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. God.
2. Baldness.
3. Death.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SHOWS:
1. Boston Legal
2. The O.C.
3. 24

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE JAPANESE ANIMES:
1. Azumanga Daioh
2. Samurai X/Ruroni Kenshin
3. Voltron

THREE OF YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONGS:
1. Dani California by the RHCP
2. Schifrin and Variations (M:I3 - track 21) by Michael Giacchino
3. Words by Sonya Kitchell

THREE MOVIES YOU CAN WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN:
1. Down With Love.
2. Mallrats.
3. Ocean's Eleven.

THREE MOVIES YOU WOULD LIKE TO WATCH:
1. Superman Returns.
2. X3.
3. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love The Bomb

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Picking my nose in public at least once.
2. Saying "what the fuck?!" in a full blown nasal pitch at least once.
3. Running my hands through my hair.

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. One of 2 Kappa tops from Brazil. I probably have the only 2 in KL.
2. Big, baggy bermuda capris from Giant. Looked good, and they were cheap.
3. Hush Puppy boxers, coz I care for my three best friends.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Chemistry.
2. Trust.
3. Shelf life.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE GENDER THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. To be honest with you, I'm not really sure.
2. I love all women.
3. Really.

THREE BAD HABITS:
1. Picking my nose in public places.
2. Breaking into song at the strangest times but never completing the lyrics before moving to a new song.
3. Being flaky, i.e. changing my mind frequently and never taking a solid stand.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Writing and singing songs that the masses will eventually learn to appreciate.
2. Playing videogames.
3. Let's NOT go there.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Really, let's NOT go there.
2. Start writing songs that the Trobadours crowd would enjoy.
3. Get my degree and land a job which requires me to do very little for a lot.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING OR CURRENTLY PURSUING:
1. Rock(acoustic?)stardom.
2. Marketing Communications.
3. Event solutions.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Sao Paolo.
2. San Francisco.
3. Melbourne.

THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Damian.
2. Joshua.
3. Michael.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Catch U2 live.
2. Release a hit album.
3. Own a BMW.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GUY:
1. I leave a mess behind, irregardless of where I am.
2. I cuss a lot.
3. I leave the seat up.

INITIALS OF THREE CRUSHES:
1. RL for the angel in me
2. HWL for the neurotic in me
3. TYL because it's the truth

THREE PEOPLE YOU TAG TO DO THE SURVEY:
1. Lynn.
2. Cui Xia.
3. Lionel.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

no matter what, there's always a bong to think on.

if only love could be as amazingly orgasmic as the closing percussion rolls of the mission: impossible theme. sadly, a strong relationship comes down to a few things: chemistry, perserverence and retained interest. i think that most people who've been in relationships longer than 3 years have an incredible threshold for pain...or they're sadists. the prospect of seeing the same person everyday, sharing time together, it sounds sweet and fulfilling, but you also run the risk of being innately bored. a bubble forms, and then a comfort zone is established, and when something comes along to burst your bubble, you haven't got the foggiest as to what to do.

complacency is a relationship killer. you're bound to go bonkers if something unexpected comes up. ditto if you'd never prepared for it. anything can happen, really, and that pushes the boundaries as to how far you're willing to go for somebody. but it's also never a good thing if you're constantly looking out and worrying everyday...but by the time you do that, it would've already been too late. the lucky ones make it out alive and wiser, while the unlucky ones only gain wisdom a significant amount of time later.

how "easy" should you take it easy? i think that it ultimately depends on whoever you're with. things should never be taken too far until you've both reached a point where you can share toothbrushes. second sign of a good thing. that only happens if you're staying together. first sign of a good thing (uni/college roommates do not count at this point). it's only natural for us to plan for ourselves first. but it's quite sad when we realize that the person we want to be with the most doesn't quite fit into those plans. what then? do you throw away a good thing or do you keep at it and hope that it fits into your future?

let's look at it this way.

you're going to die. you're happy with whoever you're with. do the math.

why do we always throw away a good thing because of circumstances beyond our control? you're complacent, you're in that bubble, and you're in that frame of mind where you start saying things like "no matter what, i'm going to try my best to make this work out". you hit a speed bump and your momentum decreases til it comes to a slow, but very dead, stop. by this time, you've already decided that you've had enough and that you're going to do the right thing by giving it a mercy killing. you part amicably because you weren't bummed enough to see if something could've happened.

i'm saying this in the context that everything was alright prior to the unexpected situation. maybe your mother caught the both of you with your pants down, maybe one of you found religion and said it wasn't worth it, maybe your dog died and you couldn't get over it with their help...the list is long, and probably could be incredibly funny. these quirks and quotients should just add on to the experience...they shouldn't discourage you from taking things on. otherwise, you're never going to be stronger.

no, love will never be orgasmic as the rousing final percussion rolls on the mission: impossible theme. we've all heard/read that bible passage over how love is patient and kind and whatnot. i don't think it says that love is a load of fun (haven't touched the king james in a while). love is blindness, and we're always willing not to see (i'm trying to paraphrase U2 but it doesn't seem to be working).

but as the song says, love the one you're with and stay with them if you do. the world needs more people like you because there's this dark, dark vibe going around that's just sinister. we've got to push it away and bring on the sunny days. we don't have enough sunny days here in the Valley.

i want someone to love.

she wants someone to love.

we want someone to love.

what about you?

peace the fuck out.

toothbrush connexions, road holding and painting the red town red.

the best way to know if your partner is ready to sacrifice it all for you would be if they're willing to share your toothbrush. to some people, it might not be a big thing but i think it's a sweet and genuine way to show that they care. who knows what evils reek in your teeth? and if your oral hygiene is severely lacking, and if your partner knows it, they'd probably be repelled by the thought of swapping swobs of toothpaste with you over the same brush. unless your lack of oral hygiene comes from that other oral factor, then it's really their fault as much as it is yours.

but really, i think that the couple that shares the toothbrush stays together. fuck that love fern --- the toothbrush is the way to go. that's a real commitment, because despite their knowledge of your shortcomings when it comes to treating the internals of your mouth right (lack of brushing, cigarette smoking, non-usage of antiseptic mouthwash), if they're willing to risk their oral (love that word) wellbeing for you, the One Who Doesn't Floss, you know you're one lucky SOB.

it's just a thought.


shredded beef and a tinge of spicy sauce.

the mcd's beef foldover is an enigma. i don't really like it that much, but i wouldn't mind another. the first impression that you get when you take a chunk out of it is that it reminds you of pizza...the taste is dead-on. and don't be fooled by the promotional photos...it's not really a substantial chunk of beef at all. it's more of the shredded variety. it comes with this spicy "mexican" sauce which is more tangy than anything else, though don't be alarmed...the sauce is worth it. so far, mcd's has been outdoing itself with its sauces...first, its fish mcdeluxe's spicy thousand island dressing and now this.

kudos? not quite.

i'm not sure where you can find the beef foldover besides the mcd's branch at centrepoint. god bless that branch. i don't know what i'd do if it wasn't around. we'd be deprived of good food and babewatching. and there's a chance that you'll bump into someone you know over there. it sounds incredibly silly to drive all the way to damansara for a burger set, but...i can't describe it. the mcd's at telawi has a high chance of being infested with indians when i feel hungry. and technically, the closest mcd's outlet from my house is at midvalley and i'm not willing to pay for parking. though you'd argue that i'd save on major amounts of fuel.

there's no antecedent value there. only at centrepoint, there is. maybe i'm too used to it, but everyone is. it's the mcd's to go to.

hail the golden arches. you know you want to go. though long gone is that year where we didn't have to pay for service tax. lord, that was good.


180 km/h in the right direction.

the perdana has been adequately tested. so far, the most it's been pushed it to is 180...maybe 190. it wasn't pushed further because of a fear of speed traps, as well as the fact that going 180 at night on the north-south highway isn't exactly a smart thing to do. still, it's fun and stable, and our local clarkson has given it his approval. kudos.


i wish they all could be malaccan/melakan girls.

that's right. the perdana was batmobile'd because we were going to melaka. malacca. aiyoh, whateverlah. theo, justin, nigel and i. it was a spur of a moment thing. and it's also a very good thing that my father is still in johor, otherwise taking the v6 out would've been a unjustifiable risk.

dad: where're you taking the car?
me: melaka.
dad: you ninny.

theo and justin played guides for nigel and i. why is it that each time we're somewhere which isn't kl, we start making jakun jokes?

"hey, i didn't know malacca had buildings more than two stories high".
"oh my god...an internet cafe!" "yea, probably still playing quake 1".
"....a mcdonald's!"
"do they have a starbucks around here?"

to the last question, yes, they do.

one thing they do have an abundance of is good food at reasonable prices. cheap, cheap, cheap dim sum at jonker street (on average, RM 1.50 for 4 pieces). ditto for the kuey teow with the sweet sauce (RM 3). the fried oysters were going for RM 3 to RM 5. we missed out on chicken rice with...uh...chicken balls.

jonker street was a blast. pity that we didn't take photos, but they were selling pets. not sure how much a poodle was going for, but a tarantula was going for RM 200+ and de-venomized scorpions were going for RM 30 each. they were also selling hamsters, except they weren't hamsters...the breed had an incredibly dignified name.

most of the shoplots were wide open...there were line-dancing classes being held, and you could look at all the tai-tais practicing. there was also an arm wrestling competition being held, along with the obligatory performances, from singers and (surprise!) tai-tais line-dancing.

clubbing in melaka was fun. not sure about the other clubs, but we visited a club which theo, his girlfriend and justin had frequented before. lisa (theo's girl, a melakan native) was there with us, along with her brother and his friends. madass. pure bar, melaka. plays your standard hard r+b fare downstairs, whilst the more exclusive (not really, it just feels more exclusive) upstairs area played...um...house? i have no fucking idea. fun to dance to. danced my ass off. attracted stares (i would really really really like to think so --- it'd validate my existence somewhat).

after that, we went to a mamak and...went home.

now, at this point, i'd just like to state that melakan girls are made right. they just are. if i had more time there, i'd go everywhere during the day in the hopes of just looking at some portuguese-mixed chiquas. not like i've got the balls to say hello...i'd just timidly stare and think obscene thoughts. and it's not just the mixed blooders...everyone seems nice. even the girls manning the stalls along jonker street.

everyone says hello, as david bowie said. brilliant song.


afterthoughts:
#1
-----
if i was made a more courageous lad, i would've said hello to the girl in black sitting a few tables down from us at pure bar.

"hi, my name's ian, i came all the way from kl to see you, i haven't much time, fancy a snog by the toilet?"

no. not very articulate.

well.

do girls ever approach guys at clubs? especially those who've been waving their luscious locks around whilst dancing like a mad cow? i mean, guys like these are meant to attract positive attention because they let loose and be themselves...as long as they dance in a way that isn't too embarrassing. does it happen? will it ever? to me?

my soiled, bruised ego.

yea, gotta lose that weight. excess baggage has got to go.


#2
-----
and i do want to go to melbourne and have the time of my life, but since i can't.........maybe i'll just buy you a plane ticket. still figuring out the money thing. hold tight.


#3
-----
on the trip back to kl, more than a few truckers were veering into the speed lane for no apparent reason. most of these guys have been driving at a snail's pace for a couple of hours...add the night backdrop and you're bound to have trouble. it's not really their fault, but you can never take for granted that they're paying attention, either.


#4
-----
it's definitely a different experience driving a proper roadcar as compared to the iswara on a road trip. i'm not really looking forward to the next trip if we're taking the v6. it's just too comfortable...it's lacking that ragtag roadtrip element. then again, i might just be complaining over the petrol costs.

fyi, it costs about RM 60, or a 3/4 tank in a perdana (if you start from 1/10 to a very low amount of petrol) for a return trip. i pumped in an additional RM 20 after the trip to keep it off zero.

food is cheap, but because of it being cheap, you're bound to eat more. RM 100 for f+b alone, even for a brief 7 hour trip like ours, is not an overestimate. after you count your spendings, you're still bound to ask where all the money went. but you'd know that it was money well-spent, anyway.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

BonoDay.

Paul Hewson turns 46 today.

Monday, May 08, 2006

jesus is gay, how to run 1000 yards without stopping and other stories.

the troubadours event at la bodega went on well enough. my idea of the event was that the open mic participants, both registered and unregistered would perform after the billed performers. the actual structure of the night was that registered open mic-ers would perform first, thus paving the way for the more established acts as well as troubadour veterans. i had my chance to shine briefly once everything was done for the night, and i do hope that they liked it. i can only wish, but although i fumbled a line or two of my own song, no one would've noticed anyway.

i've never been to an open mic event before. lezel frequented gigs like these back in sydney, where it consisted of a wide variety of mic-friendly engagements, from comedy to music to poetry to whatnot. it's not so different here, which is a good thing...there was a quick dosage of poetry (albeit slightly mangrished) by an aspiring poet known as...i can't remember his name but it was quite depressing (his stage name being in malay...it contained the word "matian" --- death or something along those lines). checking out the troubadours blog here...his stage name is mekarnya satu matian. yes; foreboding.

there was also a malay dude who looked like jesus. with specs. he started off with a brilliant cover of that chris isaak song which wasn't somebody's crying. he then sang something in malay which was incredibly funny at the time, which was possibly a gay ode to one of the organizers.

so, cut through from bossa nova to anti-establishement acoustic music, and then you had the true round of open mic-ness.

at this point, let me make it clear that paolo was backing me up on guitar.

i sang why, then i backed him for acid test, he then accompanied our friend christine for have a little faith in me (not the MM cover), and then he soloed for...um. he'd tell you what the title was if he was here.

as usual, girls swooned to him, coz...the truth is, guys who sing well are one thing, but guys who can hold their own on the guitar is the real carrot hanging in front of the proverbial donkey. i don't understand girls. i hope they recognize that vocal prowess is always more impressive technically. i mean, the singer makes the guitarist's songwriting sound good. after all, the general consensus is that guitarists have crappy vocals. and vocalists are terrible songwriters. there's always a synergy between the two but no such individual thing.

i'm just jealous.

i will sign up for next month's gig. just to try out the crowd for more than one song, and i'm planning to rework some of my stuff to make it less draggy and a little bit more fun. if the audience pays attention to what i say, it might work...if they don't, then...fuck 'em.

that's right. expletives are allowed!

(oh, and that female vocalist from estrella is cute). and there were a lot of pretty, chinese girls there who probably thought it was another cool thing to be into, the "troubadour" business. i love how they're so impressionable. nubile, naive little things.

fuck. i better stop before i get accused again.

you will hear from me if you go. literally.

one final note about the night: why do some christian bands have depressing names? playing for that night was broken scar...they had/have the #1 track on the xfresh indie charts. i mean, kevin's a great guy to talk to, i'm sure of it. but. it's sorta weird. and sad. literally.

i'm on a mission now. motherfucker.

this won't take long.

if you haven't caught mi3 yet, do so.
if you have, good.
if you want to see it (again), give me a call.

it's a retro throwback to the original show (not the mid-90s australian muddle). it's got all the retro music, the theme, everything.

it's got a brilliant opening.
it's got....tom cruise. morpheus. shaun from...shaun of the dead.
it's got a love story for the ladies.
it's got luther and incest humour!
it's got tom cruise running for a long time!

and it also proves that maggie q should leave her hair down more often. but her legs are so toned, i could pour jalapeno sauce all over them and just suckle suckle suckle my god i am ranting but holy fuck i wish i could have a girlfriend with THOSE LEGS.

i'm gonna wank away soon to naked weapon (incidentally starring...maggie q. coincidence?).

anyway.

i want to watch it again, really. does this justify an azureus download? yes. my lord, it was worth my RM 12. it merits a cinema viewing, at least once. please don't download it. if you've downloaded it, please don't watch it yet. if you've downloaded it and have already watched it, please watch it at the cinema also.

i do hope that this is the last m:i movie they make. coz from here on, it's going to be akin to a possible sequel to true lies. and ethan deserves to be happy, no? oh, well.

those legs, those legs, those legs. fuck.

i think i'm going to wet myself.

but it truly is a great movie. if V is good, this is simply...more fun. got to be safe and not use the word "better".

those legs.

sigh.

my inner perve has been sated.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

double up and run like hell.

was it the listerine?

i've had a dry cough for the last two days, although i'm not sounding like kelly jones quite yet (which i'd be grateful for). i'm asking myself what the point of trying to be the last performer for the night is if i'm even considering going up to sing in the first place; it's an irony of sorts. if i really was so timid i wouldn't be thinking of it. maybe i am timid. i've been called timid back in school, when mrs. nelson took my mother aside and told her that i wasn't prone to asking questions. despite it all, when teachers or lecturers state that it's alright to ask questions, even if they're stupid ones...would you really want to look like an idiot?

anyway, i still don't know what i'm going to be singing for tonight. judging from the atmosphere, i doubt that i can perform something that'll be too soft and drony. no ballads, or at least soppy ones. i've got a mind to cover gershwin's summertime, but even that sounds a bit too pretentious...not to mention the heckles i'll get if i screw it up.

one can only try. worst come to worst, i can pay a tribute to U2, although i think that these open mic types are adverse to the clutches of the mainstream.

these last few days have been relaxing. getting back to speed on torrented episodes, reading comics...i'm sinking back into that old familiar feeling again. even my father seems more relaxed...maybe it's because he knows the worst is over from the exam, and because he knows i'm bound to fail and there's nothing that he can do about it besides shipping me off to canada or taipei.

seriously, it's quite funny. we've come up with contingencies already. and something tells me that we're going to need them.

for those of you who weren't here, i posted an entry regarding myself as a failure after fucking up my accounting paper. i deleted that entry shortly after...not because i don't regard myself as a failure, but because it was done so uneloquently that it was inexcusable not to take it off.

you've still got to put some grit into your groove, baby. and my throat is still dry.

get that funky monkey off my back. i'm a hippo, for fuck's sake.

later.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

we love our fun and we never fight.

here's a map to la bodega. just in case all 2 of you would like to come.

i shall perform. yes. just that i'm not a billed open mic-er, so i can probably do everything last minute. or something. different people telling me different things. oh, well.

Friday, May 05, 2006

watch me make an arse of myself.

i'm performing my own music and possibly covers at la bodega, kuala lumpur on sunday, the 7th of may. if they don't kick me off after 1 song, it'd be good. and if i don't chicken out, either. it'd be a good form of release.

the troubaganger event starts at 8 p.m., but i'll probably only manage to squeeze my nasal voice after all the billed performers have done their thing, and i'll probably only squeeze myself as the last performer for that night...so...yes.

PLEASE COME. AT LEAST YOU CAN LAUGH AT ME, i'll be fine with that, honestly. sing along.

i still don't quite know what to do. i don't know if music is up to the mark to be shared without garnering humiliation. ugh. see you there, anyway.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

bottlecap dependency.

earlier this morning, i battled a listerine bottlecap. it took me about 5 minutes to negotiate the cap. i twisted, pulled and plunged until i gave up. upon closer examination, i noticed that the top of the bottlecap had a small graphic that perfectly explained how to open the bottle, (ie) squeezing the bottlecap and turning it counter-clockwise. brilliance.

we live our lives in search of independence with a desire to leave a mark of our own making. some of us are stubborn enough not to accept help in the name of pride. yet there're some of us who never notice that help is on the way, or already there, (literally) right under our noses...like me. i suppose that it wouldn't be a bad idea to submit to the idea that we're not all-powerful. help is indeed on the way for all of us if we'd let it in once in a while. and it'd be nice to sit up and take notice.

sometimes you can't make it on your own.

always wanted to say that.

(note: it's not like i dislike mouthwash...it's just that i've never really used as often as i should. this morning, my father whipped out 2 bottles that he'd kept in storage. in my defence, i've never used listerine...i'm more of a plax guy.)

settle for less.

a realist's view.

i'll never be happy with whoever i'm with.

i will never get the partner that i really want. and even if i did, she'd would never pupate into the wife i'd want.

that's right. my ideal girlfriend and my ideal wife are polar opposites.

i am a picky bastard.

i don't want to settle for less but it seems to be what everyone else is doing.

if that's what the world's coming to, is there any hope left?

yes, comment all you want about my own lack of qualifications to being a good partner.

the truth is, i don't know what i want, but if i got it, i'd probably not be happy with it, either. i don't know what it means to be satisfied, and i always want more. more.

i wouldn't have felt like this a long time ago.

but i have grown up. everything's falling to the shits.

too much of a good thing won't kill you.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

antivirus protection for schmucks.

say what you will about it, norton antivirus works like a charm. i was playing around with zonealarm since formatting on saturday, and although it's technically a much better program, and a heckuva lot more thorough than symantec's horror child could ever be, it hung my computer tighter than ron jeremy's testicles. norton might be a resource hogger, but nothing was as bad as seeing everything lag before my eyes on 256 MBs of RAM. the problem now is that i'm more open to attacks than ever before. zonealarm did a good job, but i suppose that we'd be willing to install whatever cheapo or incompetent antivirus solutions we could find just to give us that feigned sense of reassurance that our desktops are protected without compromising on performance.