Wednesday, July 16, 2003

"mechanisms"
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so here i am, at my less-than-seedy internet cafe, where the students play hooky [more or less] to log in some useless log in time playing starcraft, cs, whatever you have it. and why am i here? simple. the computer still doesn't work, and to add salt to the wound, the monitor has blown. i turned it on last night, so while my hard drive finally registered onto the m/b, well...the poor little window to the world fizzed out [quite literally], popped and conveniently died. just as i'd made progress. technology...how i adore it. anyway, i've been blogging shortly [i've written out nice long blogs on paper, but it seems embarassing to actually stare and type at them in a place like this], so, without adieu, i bid you farewell yet again. i'd just love to see how long i can hold out for before i actually have to spend money on fixing everything. again.
"twins"
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the recent reinstation of the two suspended mca representatives for penang has really struck a chord with me. firstly, it's shown that the mca can only be as united as it can be during a witchunt; secondly, that the presence of big brother is always going to be there, due to the fact that the voices of dissention didn't get along with the majority. if we consider it, it's not really a big deal...they didn't agree with the majority, so they suffered. but think of this...these two are elected representatives, and due to them being elected, you'd at least gather as much that the people who put them there must somehow agree with the views that they had reserved for the entire motion of planning to slow down the construction of the subject.

it's just another day in the life of malaysian politics. everything's a joke, really. sick? i guess so.

the mca is full of faggots. quote me on that.

Tuesday, July 01, 2003

"feline capers"
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about a week and a half ago, after coming back from justin's, i found this cat. kitten, actually, perched under my aunt's car, just chilling...and, out of sympathy, stupidity or the fact that the thing just looked so damn cute, i took it in. and it's been fun, really, doing the whole fatherhood thing again, wasting money on cat food that the child/cat/kitten isn't going to appreciate until later in life, when i set her free and into the wild. or i could make her as fat as possible so that she can't even walk. she doesn't have a name yet. i'm thinking of calling her "oi".

no?
"oppurtunity"
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image if each day offers a chance to change your world for the better. it might sound cliched, but as all things, there might be a hint of truth behind it. imagine that the person you were meant to live the rest of your life with was on the train that you just missed. imagine that a simple bus ride could throw the stars into your way and you'd be some sort of hero for a day. it's not chaos theory...just imagine that every single ripple seen and felt grows and leads to a bigger, larger, wider wave...it's just that you've got to be the one who slips into the pond. but all this might make us come to the conclusion that the hand of fate might have a role in everything in whatever it is we do; if so, we're not really ready to accept it, are we? my current existenalism crisis right now would be the fact that i'm trying to figure out if things happen because they do, because they can or because they should. and there're differences between the three.

if things happen because they do, then we can apply chaos theory and be happy. for no particular reason, things just happen on cue, like your mail being delivered; you feeling hungry in the morning, and in turn, having breakfast; the fact that your lecturer comes into class late and that the amount of time spent each day on whatever it is you do is just that - time spent.

if things happen because they can, then that highlights the snowball effect, where the ripple grows. not quite fate, but related. a chain of events that go on and on, looking for the right reaction before reacting. the best example would be gambling: it's all left to chance. when the ball finds your roulette counter, all previous attempts couldn't have made it, while the one time that your wager was fulfilled was done so because it could have happened (but doesn't necessarily mean that it was meant to). in short, that one positive outcome is probably the only time that you got it right. ultimately, the second choice is all about chance, risks, and the eventual outcome. a bitch, no?

if things happen because they should, then you can lay it all donw to fate: it happens because it's all pre-ordained, it's a neccesary evil in this life we have. the things we do that we think we have a free choice in, that we believe we have had a hand in getting involved in, has been, in fact, a trivial pursuit that has all been a big, if convincing, lie.

the question is, which camp do you belong to? it can't all be that bad if you believe that your life isn't in your hands, right? but maybe taking each chance that comes isn't that bad.

if you're positive. gains new perspective on being resigned to your fate.