i want you.

it had to come down to this. what i'd love right now would be someone's lap whom i could lay down on while my hair's being gently mussed about. that'd be an absolute piece of Heaven right now. right now. right now. and it's come to the conclusion that this girl that i'm totally hooked onto is the absolute polar opposite of me. cold, dismissive, direct, efficient. words that do her no justice. she's just so bloody it. i suppose that some might say that it's got to do with the whole 31 flavours aspect; how you need a bit of each to keep you going. but i don't think so.

i'm intrigued.

it's bizarre, really. the way she does things reeks of finality that when she tells you that calling her isn't the smartest thing to do and that continued attention may in fact lead her to cut off all forms of contact...you know that you've stumbled onto something that nobody else would comprehend. she's a mystery. total, complete, mystery, that is not waiting to be discovered or explored.

i'm intrigued.

it's taken a while for me to admit this to myself, but i'd love it if this could progress from just whatever it is now. which is absolutely nothing. zero. nil. but it'd be something completely different, a total 180 degree turn from all the purity, predictability and spontaneousness i've infused myself with for the last 6 years. i might grow to regret it, i admit, but...i want it.

i'm intrigued.

i don't know what to do now. i really don't. too much of a good/bad thing.

in the words of gavin degraw:

i don't want to be anything other than what i've been trying to be lately
all i have to do is think of me and have a peace of mind
i'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what i gotta do
or who i'm supposed to be
i don't want to be anything other than me

problem: it's all good and true, but is it even enough?