"reflection"
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sometimes when i wake up, i wonder if that person in the mirror really is me. unshaven, scruffy, balding. i'm getting older but i'm not moving anywhere in the world; not in the direction that most people would like to see me go. the constant flagging of questions regarding my academic status, my own nagging suspicions of lacking self-worth and frequent forays into the world of slumming all have taken its toll on me. i know that slacking was really my main agenda ever since i started college, but it's taken me to places that i don't want to be, and it's led to me a place where i want to get out of now. i do believe in the statement that every passing second is another chance to turn it all around, but i've seen my chances come and go, and i truly do believe that i'm running out of them.
i'm not being fatalistic or anything, but it's all relative; i'm losing more and more steam. i don't care if i'm really going to be the vice-prez of the biz council...that's going to be one hell of a gig to pull off. i don't care if i get through all my papers and waive the get out of jail free card...i've already taken liberties with that for a number of times. the fact is, being responsible for my actions and taking responsibility are two different things. and i think i've taken my fair share of responsibilities, but now i just want to let it go and stop.
some may think that it's all about rejuvenation...others may say that i'm just losing my mind over small things. but i've given so much time and effort to everything in my life...i truly do believe that i've managed to balance everything out, and when something becomes out of thwack, i can't handle it.
i'm not anal retentive. but there's gotta be some order amidst all the chaos, and right now, there's just not enough order to justify the things i do and the words i say. there're so many things i want to do. i want to travel the world. i want to stand high on mountain peaks with my arms outstretched and scream at the top of my lungs. i want to look at fast-flowing rivers, cascading down alpine mountains...i want to taste those waters. i want to drive a ferrari at 200 km/h and feel freedom. lord, i want to fly.
how many other people have these desires? and how often do we see them through? not a lot. you never got to be the cowboy, the astronaut, the racer. once these dreams are taken from us, then what?
where do we go?
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sometimes when i wake up, i wonder if that person in the mirror really is me. unshaven, scruffy, balding. i'm getting older but i'm not moving anywhere in the world; not in the direction that most people would like to see me go. the constant flagging of questions regarding my academic status, my own nagging suspicions of lacking self-worth and frequent forays into the world of slumming all have taken its toll on me. i know that slacking was really my main agenda ever since i started college, but it's taken me to places that i don't want to be, and it's led to me a place where i want to get out of now. i do believe in the statement that every passing second is another chance to turn it all around, but i've seen my chances come and go, and i truly do believe that i'm running out of them.
i'm not being fatalistic or anything, but it's all relative; i'm losing more and more steam. i don't care if i'm really going to be the vice-prez of the biz council...that's going to be one hell of a gig to pull off. i don't care if i get through all my papers and waive the get out of jail free card...i've already taken liberties with that for a number of times. the fact is, being responsible for my actions and taking responsibility are two different things. and i think i've taken my fair share of responsibilities, but now i just want to let it go and stop.
some may think that it's all about rejuvenation...others may say that i'm just losing my mind over small things. but i've given so much time and effort to everything in my life...i truly do believe that i've managed to balance everything out, and when something becomes out of thwack, i can't handle it.
i'm not anal retentive. but there's gotta be some order amidst all the chaos, and right now, there's just not enough order to justify the things i do and the words i say. there're so many things i want to do. i want to travel the world. i want to stand high on mountain peaks with my arms outstretched and scream at the top of my lungs. i want to look at fast-flowing rivers, cascading down alpine mountains...i want to taste those waters. i want to drive a ferrari at 200 km/h and feel freedom. lord, i want to fly.
how many other people have these desires? and how often do we see them through? not a lot. you never got to be the cowboy, the astronaut, the racer. once these dreams are taken from us, then what?
where do we go?
posted by funkyhippopotamus at
3:22:00 am
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