everyone's an April Fool.

i was never the most academically gifted child. i lived life in high school thinking that i could make up for it in college. i lived life in college thinking that i could make up for it in university. i lived life in university thinking that i could make up for it the following semester. and the vicious cycle continues from there.

it's hard to be intelligent when you're downright lazy. and it's not really reassuring when they're other people who're just as lazy as you, yet score the highest grades. for years i've heard the talk about not studying hard, but studying smart. for the life of me, i have no idea what it all means --- because if i had a choice, i wouldn't be studying at all.

for example:-

• i'd rather be working with the poor and needy in africa.
• i'd rather be backpacking around the world alone.
• i'd rather be running an animal shelter for abandoned pets.
• i'd rather be making out with a starlet.

all these options above (apart from the latter) are all within my grasp. if i only took the initiative.

(actually, if you think about it, even the latter wouldn't be beyond my grasp if i worked a little harder.)

right now, as i listen to better than ezra beseech God to save the king of new orleans, i've come to the conclusion that i need a little bit of saving myself. i suppose that it's half the battle won by doing so. it'd mean much more, however, if i didn't say it to myself every. fucking. day.

but have you ever felt that life was one big drag, from life to death? when i die, and look back, i wonder what it would've been that i'd actually achieved in life that nobody else had. we're all bound to have families. we're all bound to support them in one way or another. and life would be peachy. i just wonder if there'd be that one thing that separates me from the rest of the pack. because honestly, it's that one thing we live for in life. everything else is just expected.

aren't we suppose to live for something greater? no amount of education can really teach you how to do that. no amount of As on your exam slips are going to prepare you for it. the fact is, sooner or later we're going to be stuck in a rut, where we'd be void of any opportunities for self-enrichment.

let's see you climb Everest when you're trying to help the corporation achieve its key performance indicators.

isn't impossible supposed to be zero?

why can't i believe in it?

life has us fooled. even if i've done everything within my power not to live a simple life, i'm still going to die. the sad part is, death is probably the most honest thing you could find in life. the one thing that truly is supposed to be.

help me out, brother. i don't want to die.