time may change me; i can't trace time.

at least my parents can be civil towards each other. no big blowups, no arguments. just a few kind words, a bit of checking in on old friends and acquaintances on both sides and that was about it. funnily enough, when were renewing our passports, my dad introduced my mother as his "wife" to the officer in charge. it sort of felt a little bitter, really. the picture of a ideal family? not...really.

putrajaya is still a bit of a white elephant. there're so many things that aren't needed. though i can understand how it's supposed to be used as a showcase city more than anything else. where else can you find a fountain made out of rock formations that not even the most artistically inclined person would appreciate? and this was just in the immigration building.

but the whole city just oozes newness, even though it's already been a good number of years. the way the city's laid out reminds me a little bit of brasilia; both were intensively-planned cities that were conceptualized to bring development to the areas that bordered them. has it worked? i haven't the slightest. i was just there to get a new passport.

getting a new passport almost made me break down. i'll never have the privilege of going through the Diplomatic lane ever again (unless i start working for the foreign ministry...though i'd be guilty of strong nepotism if i ever got through). my passport is now ordinary.

it really is an end of an era. my family's officially lost its last link to the world of diplomacy (if you don't count my father). now he really is a pensioner, and i'm the thankless son, siphoning his hard earned money from him at every opportunity. i'm a prick. but i shall make it up to him.

i swear. i'll pay him back the money he's spent on me for my education. if i can't pay him, i'll try to get him grandchildren...which involves money as well, but not as much. or does it?

grandchildren. it'd cost twice as much as my own education when it comes to my child's/children's. scary predicament, isn't it? is it okay to enjoy the pleasures of marriage and not procreate? we can act like rabbits multiplying without bothering about the multiplying. is that okay? would i be looked down upon for this?

i don't know. in a heartbeat:

1. i'd love an older daughter and younger son
2. my daughter would be terribly overproductive and my son would be a slacker
3. i'd be rather happy domestically because i'll finally be able to fulfill a dream and get a dog for myself

ah. the (future) homelife. a life of polo shirts and dockers. what a life.

ugh.

hell, no.

talk about a quarterlife crisis.