this is something that i have to put down. i'm not looking for any pity or sympathy whatsoever...the only reason why i'm doing this is probably because i don't have the courage or the heart to say this to anyone face-to-face, and since almost no one comes here to read all this, i can save myself some embarassment, and if you're reading this right now, then at least you know i tried.

my parents are coming back on april fool's day. i don't know what time, i can't really be bothered...it'd probably be in the morning, just like me when i first came back. they'll be coming back together, but after that, i don't really know if they'd be coming home together. to put it bluntly, there's a possibility that they might be getting a divorce. i've known about this for a while now...it's been bound to happen, anyway. after waiting for so long, it's just one of those things that you want to happen, so that you can spare yourself the agony of waiting any longer.

this is just a note to myself and everyone else: life is not a bed of roses. you don't go in smelling like shit and expecting to come out of it smelling like a rose. it doesn't always work that way. if the world turned out to be perfect, and if it turned out to be what we wanted it to be, i wouldn't be here typing all this and you wouldn't be here reading this. if you're wondering how this all came to be, well...like i said, it's been a long time coming, and if you know what my dad does for a living, i pretty much guess that you can take a few swipes and one of your assumptions would probably hit pay dirt.

i don't really know what to do. being alone these last few months has been a blast. and i think i've done pretty well for myself so far. i haven't dried up the cash, i haven't caused a death, and no one has a problem with me [or they haven't said it to my face]. i don't know if this is really my problem or not. it doesn't really even hurt me all that much now. but i guess you can see why some people stay together for the better part of their kids' lives. at least i can just tell myself that i tried making things better. some things are just not meant to be.

my mother won't be staying with me anymore, i suppose. it'd just be strange. if she was overseas, at least that could explain her not being here. but having her in the same city but under the same roof; i don't know. i could just be jumping to conclusions. and if i am, i could say that this is probably the most embarassing and the dumbest thing that i've ever done. whatever. i guess you know where i'm coming from. sorta.

i guess that's it. summed up. ranting away about how strange life is and how crappy it all seems. i doubt that i'd get any phone calls from the floor about how sorry they are for me and asking me questions about how i am...i'm not going to field them. there's nothing wrong with me; no nervous breakdowns. i'm not going to be a perpetual arse when i see you. i probably won't even mention this to you unless you bring it up. i won't be scarred for life. right now, i'm just hungry and i want to get back to life. i'd advise you to do the same as well.