"an ode to no one at all"
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it's just silly, thinking about one person and feeling so...affected. afflicted. affected and afflicted. maybe it's some new-age sensitive male thing that i'm going through. y'know...that one girl that meant the most because...she just did. it holds countless, infinite, definitions. what makes up a title like that? the one that meant the most because she just did? you'd think that as you get older, you'd probably get over questions like these...you'd probably tell yourself, there's no such thing as something that falls perfectly into place, and you'd be right, because there isn't. just that, once in a while, someone comes along and there's a fit. it's better than a jigsaw puzzle, because there're no partitions, and everything's great. she looks great, she feels great, she even smells great...and she's yours.
your dreams, needs, wants, all achieved.
i'm pretty sure that we all want "stable" relationships, interwoven with the occasional hug and snuggle and snog, that makes us all the more emotionally "stable". well, thanks to you, my life is a consistent round of cigarettes and video games, and i may break into the foray of downloading anime just to satisfy my insatiable self. and i have to admit, i'm not taking any of this well at all, because it's hard to accept that something so insanely queer and quirky and fun can just be ruined because life suddenly came along and revealed to you secrets that i still don't get. yes, the fault is mine for freaking out, but distance and precedent took priority in my mind, and that really was my fault...but if i can say something that does't justify anything i've said over and over again, i really have learnt from it and i can really say that spatiality is something that people achieve through practice and trial/error, and that's where we were going to be headed to...compromise, something that i couldn't give you before because i was too damn selfish for my own good.
we were talking about how changing ourselves wouldn't be right because we wouldn't be ourselves, but i disgress, i really do, because consciously changing myself for the better isn't all that bad...something that i'd willingly do because i'd want to still have a chance with the person who means the most to me. you could say that rainbows come and go, and so do people, fish in the sea being plentiful, whatever, i don't know. i'm mulling, depressed, angry, crying, broken. i see your picture and i lose my breath, my heart tugs, and i call myself an idiot and a fool and a loser because the best best best thing ever just went away like that. i believed in you, and now i don't quite know what to believe in. solace in God? no doubt, but i thought that God gave me the best break ever by letting me be with you, and then i had to lose it all again through whatever it was. whatever it was, i swear that i was going to see it through with you because i loved you and because i was going to do the damn best job for you, and only, you.
no doubt, you can, but you've truly left my bitter and longing for you even more, and i've got no idea what to do with myself now. you're free, and i'm still trapped in something that i wanted badly for the both of us, something that i still truly want now. nobody can replace you, and that just sucks, because you're supposed to be replaceable, changeable, like some part, but you're more than that to me, and i'd be lying if i said that this is just child's play. as cheesy as it sounds, i really put a lot of myself into seeing that everything with you was the way it was. maybe i'm overanalytical, thinking, wondering, i don't know, i just want you. i can't prove it to you, but i really, really do. it just sucks, it hurts, and worse of all, i still think about you all the time.
you ask me what if i'm the only one feeling this, and you know what? i think it's just sad if you don't feel an iota, and you might not even feel it at all, and when i walk away from you now, i'm just going to sit down and wonder if you'd even think about the possibilities, because life is full of possibilities and my possibilities were securely placed with you.
------------------------
it's just silly, thinking about one person and feeling so...affected. afflicted. affected and afflicted. maybe it's some new-age sensitive male thing that i'm going through. y'know...that one girl that meant the most because...she just did. it holds countless, infinite, definitions. what makes up a title like that? the one that meant the most because she just did? you'd think that as you get older, you'd probably get over questions like these...you'd probably tell yourself, there's no such thing as something that falls perfectly into place, and you'd be right, because there isn't. just that, once in a while, someone comes along and there's a fit. it's better than a jigsaw puzzle, because there're no partitions, and everything's great. she looks great, she feels great, she even smells great...and she's yours.
your dreams, needs, wants, all achieved.
i'm pretty sure that we all want "stable" relationships, interwoven with the occasional hug and snuggle and snog, that makes us all the more emotionally "stable". well, thanks to you, my life is a consistent round of cigarettes and video games, and i may break into the foray of downloading anime just to satisfy my insatiable self. and i have to admit, i'm not taking any of this well at all, because it's hard to accept that something so insanely queer and quirky and fun can just be ruined because life suddenly came along and revealed to you secrets that i still don't get. yes, the fault is mine for freaking out, but distance and precedent took priority in my mind, and that really was my fault...but if i can say something that does't justify anything i've said over and over again, i really have learnt from it and i can really say that spatiality is something that people achieve through practice and trial/error, and that's where we were going to be headed to...compromise, something that i couldn't give you before because i was too damn selfish for my own good.
we were talking about how changing ourselves wouldn't be right because we wouldn't be ourselves, but i disgress, i really do, because consciously changing myself for the better isn't all that bad...something that i'd willingly do because i'd want to still have a chance with the person who means the most to me. you could say that rainbows come and go, and so do people, fish in the sea being plentiful, whatever, i don't know. i'm mulling, depressed, angry, crying, broken. i see your picture and i lose my breath, my heart tugs, and i call myself an idiot and a fool and a loser because the best best best thing ever just went away like that. i believed in you, and now i don't quite know what to believe in. solace in God? no doubt, but i thought that God gave me the best break ever by letting me be with you, and then i had to lose it all again through whatever it was. whatever it was, i swear that i was going to see it through with you because i loved you and because i was going to do the damn best job for you, and only, you.
no doubt, you can, but you've truly left my bitter and longing for you even more, and i've got no idea what to do with myself now. you're free, and i'm still trapped in something that i wanted badly for the both of us, something that i still truly want now. nobody can replace you, and that just sucks, because you're supposed to be replaceable, changeable, like some part, but you're more than that to me, and i'd be lying if i said that this is just child's play. as cheesy as it sounds, i really put a lot of myself into seeing that everything with you was the way it was. maybe i'm overanalytical, thinking, wondering, i don't know, i just want you. i can't prove it to you, but i really, really do. it just sucks, it hurts, and worse of all, i still think about you all the time.
you ask me what if i'm the only one feeling this, and you know what? i think it's just sad if you don't feel an iota, and you might not even feel it at all, and when i walk away from you now, i'm just going to sit down and wonder if you'd even think about the possibilities, because life is full of possibilities and my possibilities were securely placed with you.
posted by funkyhippopotamus at
5:13:00 pm
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