Paranoia.

Paranoia.

For the last few days I’ve been trodding around with the thought that my father will be coming back anytime soon. My parents have a hearing that’s apparently scheduled on the 17th, and that means that my father has to come back within the next three days; almost a month after his last departure. I’m not really in the mood to see him (am I ever?), but I suppose that there’s nothing that I can do about it, besides run away from home and never come back (funnily enough, I’ve never felt like doing that before…honest). I guess that I’m not willing to go through the same routine of long lectures about how I should be a more responsible person and how I’ve got a whole future ahead of me, and how I’m wasting it by being…me. I’ve already taken enough stick because of that, and…well, it does tend to get boring.

It makes me wish that my dad would sit me down and say how proud he is of the shit that I’ve managed to pull for the last five years. I doubt it, though.

Anyhow, this weekend is probably going to be a boring one. May Ann’s gone off to Hong Kong, and will be back (ironically enough) on Monday. Suffice to say, it’s going to be lonesome somewhat, because besides Justin, I really don’t hang out with anyone. Granted, I can stay at home and read the Uncanny X-Men (which I’ve been neglecting), watch The O.C. (which I’ve been really neglecting) or at least finish something on the PS2 (which I’ve been over-neglecting). I was imagining life today without the Biz Council, and it looked…rosy.

But no way am I going to quit…perish the thought. I’m going to live out the remaining year. Or I could call for an awfully early AGM and then quit early. Fabulous.

Anyway, I walked out of class today knowing that I don’t really have anymore HRM 320 lectures to attend, since we’ve completed the syllabus. I only have to complete the assignment and I can say sayonara to the rest of this semester. I suppose that taking only one subject was a utter waste of time, but I didn’t really have a choice. I don’t think putting ECA activities ahead of studies is a wise move, but at least I’ve been able to complete most of the objectives that I set for myself in terms of ECAs for this semester. Next semester would probably find myself recommitting to the whole idea of academic progress…while this semester was about taking it slow.

I mean, think about it…Christmas, the New Year, Chinese New Year…don’t tell me that I want to be bogged down by studies and not enjoy my life? Yes, I know that other people are more than capable of juggling it…in fact, I know that I’m more than capable myself…it’s just that I choose not to. I’ve realized that I’ve missed out on a lot in the past because I just wasn’t conscious of what I was missing out on…I’m not having any of that anymore.

I want to be there when I can be happy…it sounds corny, but it’s true; wouldn’t you want to live out all the happy times that you can? Because most of life is already entwined with serious concerns and pressing matters…I’d at least like to be there when I know that I can have fun. Everyone should be committed to living.

But when it comes to my father coming back, and the possibility that it could be anytime, I suppose that any happy and easygoing soul would feel a tad bit restrained.

Is it all in the head?

We’ll find out soon.