Pillars.

I'm wondering what the basic tenets of a foolproof schematic that'd guide me through life would be. No doubt, it'd probably take my very essence to follow such a blueprint, but I've always believed that such a schematic would only serve two purposes: to remind you of your weaknesses, and to steer you away from your bad habits. Looking at my list of New Year's Resolutions as well as my own underachievement levels in the past, I gather that a list of daily reminders to lead me through life in a steadfast manner would look something like this:

1. Don't be lazy; stay fully committed to the task at hand.
2. Don't procrastinate. You do want your sleep, don't you? God loves a planner.
   
3. 'Goreng' is not a food group.
   
4. You shouldn't really smoke, lest you intend to hit the big C, or better yet, light a stogie for Satan when you go.
5. Be nice to your mother. Always breathe and count to 10 whenver she snaps for no reason.
6. Your father is not an asshole. He's just got a massive stick up his rectum. But you know you love him, no matter what.
7. Don't be distracted by her shoes.
8. Stop buying unncessary items. Sushi isn't cheap. Even if it's 20% off after 9:00 p.m.
9. Stop starting at other girls. You already have someone waiting at home.
10. Be polite to those around you; ass-kissing is used to polish asses, after all.
11. Being anal stinks.
    
12. Everyone likes you, even if they don't mention it.

That last one scares me, but I don't think I'll ever be able to be shelf my self-consciousness permanently. No matter how hard your heart is towards perceptions, there's always a gremlin or two that picks at your insecurities. It's all in your/my/our heads.

Come to think of it, I was an incredibly timid person up to the time I turned 14. Everything went apeshit from there, which I'm quite happy for...because apeshit is better than quaint. I haven't been living to expectations, and I'm rather proud of it...there's something obviously wrong with that. Maybe it was some desire to work against the system, but now I suppose that the quiet resignation sets in that you can only properly fight the system once you're integrated into it. Or something to that extent.

Either way, I'm so tired of all this. To paraphrase a song, I wish some form of relief would wrap itself around me like a warm glove and fill me up with a bit of radiance. But it doesn't get any easier from here, does it?

What a drag.