20 questions with Paolo Delfino...

...because Noel Gallagher wasn't available. Paolo Delfino can currently be heard on Fly FM's Campur Chart, with his song, Little Things. Although most people believe that he's overly talented, the true sources of his gifts came from the wolves who raised him, who then passed him on to a pack of mongeese who then left him with a great Canadian Sasquatch; blame it on the animal milk. True story. And my God, think of what Sasquatch nourishment would've been.

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#1. do you write a song with a title in mind?
sometimes. half the time the title comes first.


#2. would you rather play with a pick that's been in sophia loren's pussy or briget bardot's ass?
sophia's cunt. yet another name for a post-punk emo band.


#3. let's say you become a controversial figure in music. and somehow, you get buried in paris. would you rather your grave be defecated on or pissed on?
pissed on.


#4. if Purgatory were on Earth, where would it be?
uhm.. the border between cambodia and whatever is next to it.


#5. what're the pre-set rituals that you go through?
i try to sabotage other performers' instruments. i also clip my toenails.


#6. what would your biographical movie be called?
long legs short prick.


#7. who would play you in that movie?
someone reasonably wussy like topher grace or joseph gordon-levitt.


#8. would you rather wank into an egg tart or a bittergourd?
bitter gourd. it would be a terrible waste of an egg tart.


#9. what brand of conditioner do you use?
dove. it's white like semen.


#10. you've got a stomach ache. why?
i'm pretty sure the disgruntled mamak fella hacked a loogie in my iced coffee.


#11. would it bother you if you'd learnt that the only reason for your success was your beanpole-like legs?
not at all. it's not as bad as being famous for having awful hair.


#12. there's a transformers vs. g.i. joe rematch. who would win?
the transformers of course. cos all the gi joes would ride into battle in humvees and jets and all the transformers have to do is transform into battle mode with the joes inside them.


#13. what superpower would you want to have, and why?
time manipulation. there's no limit to the mischief one could get up to with time manipulation powers.


#14. you've released an album. you visit a local night market and find that it's been pirated. what's your initial reaction?
i'd be fucking elated! isn't that testimony that your stuff is so good that it's in demand among cheapskates?


#15. what would you call mike biting off evander's ear?
kinky boxer foreplay.


#16. if God had the urge to suddenly call you, what would His purpose be?
to get back at me for cheating when i had to recite the rosary.


#17. what pie would you throw at my face?
pumpkin pie. smashed pumpkins, to be specific.


#18. what would be the best name for a paolo delfino tribute band?
the hairless legs


#19. what're three things you'd never want to have on a deserted island?
celine dion, herpes, testicle-eating seagulls


#20. what's the meaning of life?
the title of a monty python movie.


And those were the 20 questions. With Paolo Delfino.