a glutton is "one who eats to excess; one who eager of anything in excess; a carnivorous quadruped" - new roget's thesaurus and webster's dictionary, 1992 [it's pretty sucky...i wouldn't recommend it]. a "quadruped" is an animal with four legs or feet...so i guess that we don't count, though it was the last definition that i was hoping to touch on. nonetheless, on with the show...

yesterday, out of sheer force of will, i think i took gluttony to a whole new level. i was at hartz chicken buffet [the place is the bomb, if i haven't said it before over and over again], and i managed to break justin's record of 12 pieces of chicken...by about a quarter of one. after the whole experience, i felt sick, loaded, bloated and...sick. so, before anything else, let me make one thing clear: when attempting to break any records at hartz, eat the mashed potatoes and their sauce last. that's right, last. so that it doesn't make you hurl before finishing the last piece of chicken. which is what i did.

as hard as it sounds, i'm rather impressed with myself. it's not about storage space of the stomach...it's about how much of tastelessness you can tolerate. i know that justin stopped at 12 because it was a good idea, even though he could've gone on...and i doubt that i've pushed the envelope. i prefer to think that i've opened new doors to the people who want to make 13 pieces...and those who want to go beyond. but the next time i go to hartz, i'll be eating sensibly and civically...that is, unless justin beats the record again...then i guess we'll kind of have a fight going on.

to the death, no less.