cockamanie can mean so many different things.

i might have a readership. i really don't know. if the only way of telling if your blog has touched people where it matters (i just had to put it that way) is through comments and tagboard posts, i must've touched them at all the wrong places. in other words: if i was a prostitute, i would've wanked a guy off until he was limp, without a payoff. not a very good prostitute, then.

bloggers are not writers. not in the traditional sense. i always had this opinion that people blog because they want some sort of outlet for their hidden creativity. some bloggers love anonymity and just let everything out without revealing who they are. other bloggers flirt with notoriety and have somehow picked up a mass following through doing so. and then there're those who've touched fame and are about to break through with just a little push. finally, we have those who've tried their best yet made no such impression, despite having blogged for years on end. like me.

granted, i don't really care if nobody reads what i've got to rant about. the truth is, i know there's always someone there who's picking this up as i go along. in a way, stunts like sending a letter to the menteri besar are done for fun, and hopefully to get someone to notice. but the question is, if someone notices...then what? i can't really base my popularity on the merits of performing cheap tricks, though that would be nice. some of us spend hours customizing our blogs in order for them to attract people. bollocks to you who says it's to individualize everything.

even if you're blogging under a pseudonym, you want people to read what you've got to say. you want people to see how miserable you are. you want people to see how happy you are. you just do. otherwise you would've kept it all inside, content to be where you are. we're never content. we've got a support group in our friends and family. but risking it all, for the whole world to see at a few keystrokes and mouseclicks...that's a whole different thing, isn't it? that's why we want to watermark photos on our blogs. it's why we want to label our names over everything. and it's why some of us (like me) want to ping other bloggers when something new comes up.

it's just human nature.

and we like it.

it's nothing to be ashamed about.

if you've been reading thus far; thank you for reading.