Thump on It and You Shall Receive.

Thump on It and You Shall Receive.

I’m not big on marching. Funny how I’ve got to do it on Tuesday, at Putrajaya, at all places. There’s some sort of college march-pass and I’m in it with Melissa. Lena called me earlier this evening and kind of begged me to go, since she really couldn’t have said anything else. Remind me to say “no” to the next strange favour I get asked for. I’ve got to wear black shoes and black slacks. I pray that I don’t stain the G2000s; I don’t want dirty pants for Tuesday’s dinner. I don’t think that I’ve got any other pants. I mean, I don’t really wear pants. I’m all about jeans. And baggy shorts. And Adidas footwear.

That’s right. Impress them with my lack of fashion. Fucking smart.

I’ve just come back from a night drive, and before that, Cristro’s. I was there with Matt, Hannah, her friend Nick (from the UK) and Chian Tyng. We were at Spicy Kitchen before that. It’s been ages since I’d gone down to Hartamas. I know that nothing would’ve changed, but it still felt somewhat nostalgic of better times. Before I had to worry about the lack of better times coming. Each trip to Hartamas only makes me feel older.

Things have changed.

When I wake up, I’m going to have to start on an assignment (which isn’t mine), finish up some Powerpoint slides and make a rough script of what the emcees are supposed to say about the clothes being featured in the fashion show for Tuesday night. Plus, there’s also the matter of providing Hou Hong the materials needed for the Shockwave presentation. The BIZ Council is going through the shits, but I’m not quite giving up on it yet. It’s just that there’re so many other things that I’d much rather be doing.

Just a random thought, but thinking back to what Nicole said when each new person may be a new experience, but how a new relationship still lies on the same old principle of needing time and energy to be invested into it…what would’ve been the big deal? I mean…not to dwell on it too much, but sometimes I wonder why she just couldn’t give it more time? I mean…

Am I the only person open to possibilities? And open to the fact that anything uncertain is a good thing as opposed to something that we’d all assume would be carved in stone? I like uncertainty…at times. Because everything after that is endless.

I guess I just like to believe that with a bit of work, everything would be okay. I mean, neglect leads to neglect. Things deteriorate without care, right? But isn’t it rewarding when something you’ve put effort into turns out good? Life’s all about things going 50-50. People should be no different. So…why do I feel like I’m the only one who understands that?

I’m giving everyone a headache. I’m sorry. I’m just in a very vulnerable place right now. That’s right: I’m hungry.

The truth? I suppose that I really want someone who could believe in everything being endless and be willing to take a chance. But in a place like this, we’re running out of people like that. And it’s just a shame that Nicole couldn’t open up to it…coz I thought that she would’ve.

My fault. My bad. My blame.

That was a long random thought.

Tomorrow will be a full day at home, trying to investigate what the Kantian and Justice ethical theories are. A patented Ian Tai Express Assignment with a difference: it won’t be for me. Should be fun, I guess.

I wish today would be the day where I’d steal the sun.