Red packets o' lies.

I can safely say that I've been positioned as the black sheep of the family; the ne'er do well, the dark horse, the Fonzie in a family full of Richie Cunninghams. I've been asked about the status of my graduation for years on end, so this Chinese New Year, I'm going to try my best to paint a romanticized picture of a boy who sees life as something more than the standard Chinese masculine-tinted affectation it is. I'm tempted to blatantly lie about the last year.

Why haven't I graduated yet?

1. I've taken time off and travelled cross country thru Malaysia this past year, learning more about the culture and climate that makes us us. I've helped farmers in their padi crops, and have riden the wild ox in the hopes of making a better harvest through technically improved ploughing.
   
2. I've helped the Red Cross attend to the flood victims in Johor, because I believe that volunteering for such things brings upon approving karma later in life, when I'm truly in need and in affliction under grave circumstances.
3. I've taught schoolchildren in the jungles of Eastern Malaysia, because like Whitney, I believe the children are our future; teach them well, and let them know the way.
4. I've decided to dedicate a significant amount of time into initiating a plan that would bring all races together to overthrow the government and to create a new political party called Benetton, with Flavio Briatore as a consultant, with an objective to create an urban utopia. (Okay, that was lame, even by my standards).
5. I believe that I have all the time in the world after my graduation to earn money and to work, and I'd like to experience life to its fullest. The fires of my passion will only wilt, and as done by Prometheus, the fire will be stolen from my very being and given away to those who need it.
6. I've taken the time to learn to be a better cook, as evidenced from my Maggi Tuna Caserole.
7. I've decided to find my perfect soulmate in order to ensure the survival of my lineage, as well as to determine my future plans in emigration.
8. I fell in love and added a lovechild whom I decided to let the wolves raise until he was old enough to be claimed back for society.
9. I met Michael Eisner and he appointed me the Malaysian representative of his new Eisner Corporation. (I've tried this on one person and it's actually worked).
10. I've been helping my father move furniture around the house in order to prepare for the arrival of my stepmother. This might rather well be true.
11. I've flown back to New York to take part in conventions organized by the Democrats, and have pledged to vote for that crazy Clinton woman because she's the bomb.
12. I've been living with my mother.
13. In my quest to attain fame and finances, I've rededicated myself into producing quality, pop-friendly music that has a strong creative credibility backbone, and my solo debut drops the same time as Britney's comeback.
    

You see where it's going. I can probably weave a dozen more yarns, but that's the gist of it. Instead of the standard CNY small talk, dynamicism should be the crux of your conversation angle. There's nothing wrong with it, and it tends to be a lot more interesting than the standard CNY family fare.

One thing I fear the most is a Bible-thumping aunt. She opens a can of worms that my direct family has to retaliate by shooting down...well, the Bible. Which in turn goes down badly with one of my uncles, who's a Muslim convert. Mayhaps this festive season, I can pre-emptively quell any misgivings by simply reminding them about the festive spirit of the Chink. And how we should all come together and embrace dynamicism the way it should be.

Dynamikzm. Dinamikceesm. Dynamiqceezm. Mmmm.

I think I can really save Chinese New Year this time.

Lie with me.