She shagged me senseless and I loved every riverting minute of it.
Okay, let's clear some things up here.
I'm not a sex offender. And I don't have any incredibly strange fetishes...maybe an odd foot fetish, but that's only because I find that it's an incredibly funny and endearing trait to have because (most) women have lovely feet...but it's not perverse to the extent of me wanting to see every girl on the street tied up from a grapple on the ceiling, in bondage, followed by being forced to sit on a chair while wax from a burning candle is being dropped onto their smooth, flawless skin, moaning ecstatically from the sensation of having a flowing effervescence gush them with a twisted delight, while being bound and gagged by some rope and a ballbearing to ensure that all crevices are covered to sate my unquenchable desires.
Oh, no, it's nothing like that at all.
Young, 16 year old (and above) girls are nice to look at, no doubt. These days, it's quite hard to find any decent, sensible 16 year olds, but back in the day, everybody was nice and sweet and pure and virginal. When I think of 16 year olds, I think about the girls that I fell in love with every day in school, who were funny, smart, intelligent...or maybe it was the fact that I was in a pompous international school, and I was privy to the best of the best. Yes, there was the occasional skank, but everybody seemed so nice and hot that it didn't mater how incredibly vapid they were.
These days, most of the kids are brainless skanks who're not even well-informed about the world around them. And it makes me fucking mad. It makes me fucking sad. It doesn't make me glad. In fact, it's very bad. It makes them look like cads. I'd hate to be their dads. Would you fancy to be their lads?
Sorry. Drifted away for a moment.
If I happen to have a daughter, and if she does happen to become a whore of sorts, then fine. It's bound to happen. If she wants to explore her sexuality or whatnot, then so be it, but she's going to be fucking lectured on pop culture everyday so that she turns out to be more aware that the boys she shags. She's going to be the fucking brains of the family so she doesn't turn out to be one of the tramps I see around me. My daughter will be spunky, funky, and she'd be the fucking queen amongst the thorns out there. I'd give her the one thing that most girls don't seem to have these days: common sense. So, if she does go shagging boys senseless, I'd know that it was on own her terms, and not theirs.
Not that it'd make me sleep any easier at night. Fuck, no. No relief for the father of the bride, ever.
(As a point of reference, not all the girls I see around me are tramps; just a select, particular few who've made more of an impact than others.)
Boys and girls these days are just drawing blanks. I'm talking about the 18 and under types. More flash than substance. They might know how to swagger, but they don't know dick about swaggering. Very shallow. Now, I might be shallow, but I'm fat and articulate and incredibly funny and friendly, intelligent enough, helpful, loyal, loving, supportive and, as you can tell, incredibly fucking humble. I've got nothing to show for my sloth, and everything to show for it.
I'm not a bleeding philosopher, I've never had to bleed for my art; nor am I an expert on French arthouse cinema, nor would I ever want to be. French arthouse cinema is for the French. There're about 64 million French people. And they live in France. Post-modernism is for people who bother about it. I'm happy with a cigarette.
I'm a simple bloke who wants a good life of chugging it into my lovely wife everyday, coming home to raise a decent set of children with a 355 nicely snugged in the garage. I want to change the world and make it a better place, and I wouldn't desperately want to claim credit for it because I believe that it's our fucking responsibility to ensure that there's something to pass on. I want a fucking dog, and I'd walk it everyday. I want to put my daughter on my lap and tell her about how not knowing everything isn't a bad thing, simply because there's something new to learn everyday. I'd like to go to heaven and say hello to my grandfather and apologize for being such a dick to him while he was still alive.
It's a big world around you. And if you were gone, nobody would give a shit. Unless you really mattered. Which you don't. So stop pretending that you do. Unless you really do matter. Then I apologize. You've reached a point where you're important enough to be mentioned in liner notes. But there'd be someone who wouldn't care. Do you know how to become important to people? By treating them with a little respect. Sincerity. Realize that if the world revolves around you, you should give back to it. Because you owe the grand scheme that's Life. You owe it more than you can imagine.
Change the world around you first. Then proceed to change the rest of it.
What does this all have to do with being a sex offender...or sex? Almost absolutely nothing. If you've read everything up to this point, you'd probably think that you'd wasted your time. I digress. I've successfully imparted my wisdom upon you.
Now go run in the park naked and enjoy the rest of your day.
I'm not a sex offender. And I don't have any incredibly strange fetishes...maybe an odd foot fetish, but that's only because I find that it's an incredibly funny and endearing trait to have because (most) women have lovely feet...but it's not perverse to the extent of me wanting to see every girl on the street tied up from a grapple on the ceiling, in bondage, followed by being forced to sit on a chair while wax from a burning candle is being dropped onto their smooth, flawless skin, moaning ecstatically from the sensation of having a flowing effervescence gush them with a twisted delight, while being bound and gagged by some rope and a ballbearing to ensure that all crevices are covered to sate my unquenchable desires.
Oh, no, it's nothing like that at all.
Young, 16 year old (and above) girls are nice to look at, no doubt. These days, it's quite hard to find any decent, sensible 16 year olds, but back in the day, everybody was nice and sweet and pure and virginal. When I think of 16 year olds, I think about the girls that I fell in love with every day in school, who were funny, smart, intelligent...or maybe it was the fact that I was in a pompous international school, and I was privy to the best of the best. Yes, there was the occasional skank, but everybody seemed so nice and hot that it didn't mater how incredibly vapid they were.
These days, most of the kids are brainless skanks who're not even well-informed about the world around them. And it makes me fucking mad. It makes me fucking sad. It doesn't make me glad. In fact, it's very bad. It makes them look like cads. I'd hate to be their dads. Would you fancy to be their lads?
Sorry. Drifted away for a moment.
If I happen to have a daughter, and if she does happen to become a whore of sorts, then fine. It's bound to happen. If she wants to explore her sexuality or whatnot, then so be it, but she's going to be fucking lectured on pop culture everyday so that she turns out to be more aware that the boys she shags. She's going to be the fucking brains of the family so she doesn't turn out to be one of the tramps I see around me. My daughter will be spunky, funky, and she'd be the fucking queen amongst the thorns out there. I'd give her the one thing that most girls don't seem to have these days: common sense. So, if she does go shagging boys senseless, I'd know that it was on own her terms, and not theirs.
Not that it'd make me sleep any easier at night. Fuck, no. No relief for the father of the bride, ever.
(As a point of reference, not all the girls I see around me are tramps; just a select, particular few who've made more of an impact than others.)
Boys and girls these days are just drawing blanks. I'm talking about the 18 and under types. More flash than substance. They might know how to swagger, but they don't know dick about swaggering. Very shallow. Now, I might be shallow, but I'm fat and articulate and incredibly funny and friendly, intelligent enough, helpful, loyal, loving, supportive and, as you can tell, incredibly fucking humble. I've got nothing to show for my sloth, and everything to show for it.
I'm not a bleeding philosopher, I've never had to bleed for my art; nor am I an expert on French arthouse cinema, nor would I ever want to be. French arthouse cinema is for the French. There're about 64 million French people. And they live in France. Post-modernism is for people who bother about it. I'm happy with a cigarette.
I'm a simple bloke who wants a good life of chugging it into my lovely wife everyday, coming home to raise a decent set of children with a 355 nicely snugged in the garage. I want to change the world and make it a better place, and I wouldn't desperately want to claim credit for it because I believe that it's our fucking responsibility to ensure that there's something to pass on. I want a fucking dog, and I'd walk it everyday. I want to put my daughter on my lap and tell her about how not knowing everything isn't a bad thing, simply because there's something new to learn everyday. I'd like to go to heaven and say hello to my grandfather and apologize for being such a dick to him while he was still alive.
It's a big world around you. And if you were gone, nobody would give a shit. Unless you really mattered. Which you don't. So stop pretending that you do. Unless you really do matter. Then I apologize. You've reached a point where you're important enough to be mentioned in liner notes. But there'd be someone who wouldn't care. Do you know how to become important to people? By treating them with a little respect. Sincerity. Realize that if the world revolves around you, you should give back to it. Because you owe the grand scheme that's Life. You owe it more than you can imagine.
Change the world around you first. Then proceed to change the rest of it.
What does this all have to do with being a sex offender...or sex? Almost absolutely nothing. If you've read everything up to this point, you'd probably think that you'd wasted your time. I digress. I've successfully imparted my wisdom upon you.
Now go run in the park naked and enjoy the rest of your day.
Labels: Musings
posted by funkyhippopotamus at
12:39:00 am
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