Breathe in and zen.

Here's an anecdote a friend shared with me.

There were these two pious monks, who'd both taken a vow of (what else?) celibacy. (On a side note, are monks really that deprived?) One day, while walking, they encountered a woman at a stream. The woman was afraid to cross it. One of the monks (let's call him Ong) offered to carry her over the stream, and the woman accepted. The other monk (let's call him Bak) kept quiet. They crossed the stream, the woman thanked Ong and they went their separate ways.

After a few more hours of walking (because that's all monks do), the two monks sat down for a rest.

Bak asked Ong: "What was up with that woman just now? You know that we're not supposed to even touch them!"

Ong responded with this: "Why? Are you still carrying her?"

The message that this conveys is that we should never keep things in our hearts. Keeping a load of shit from back then, no matter how long ago, will only make things worst...as Bak has shown. It's always better to loosen the burdens that clutch onto your heart, so that you can focus on the future, as opposed to wallowing in the past.

I'm typing this all out myself, I shit you not.

Which is why I can say that I love holding grudges. I don't know why. I can't let things go. I love feeling miserable, I love berating about things that happened a long time ago, and I always, always, remember the bad and never the good. I like directing my rage at those who've scorned me; I keep my hidden desires for their destruction to my self, because the only person who should rightfully feel any pleasure from their demise would be me.

And it'd be really rude to predict someone's downfall in front of someone else.

As they say in Chinese...choi!

Not all of us are monks. It's okay to feel angry, to even outrightly hate someone. Because I'm quite fucking sure that there's someone you absolutely despise right now whom you want dead. For real.

Worry not, my friends. Everyone dies. It's just how badly you want them to...apologies...how we want Death's plan to be executed upon them that differentiates us. What's your preferred method for getting a message through? Electrocution? Getting hit by a bus? Kitchenware decapitation?

Life is grand.

But, obviously, you should keep all these dark desires to yourselves. Or at least keep the names of those whom you want severely, brutally punished to yourselves.

Christmas is coming.




Unless you want Santa dead.