Toodles & Malie (Part I).

"Did you get her?", he asked, rubbing his eyes with his one good paw. He'd been asleep since I'd left my house and gone to yours. He yawned, and took a look around, noting his surroundings. And the fact that you weren't in the car.

"No", I replied.

"What happened?"

"I choked. I couldn't do it. It --- it just seemed that it wasn't worth it."

"You fuckwit".

"Yeah. Story of my life, no?"

"Story of your life, yes. God, you're a total retard. She's the fucking hottest ho' this side of the Valley, she was up and ready and hot and heavy and the best that you could do was fucking choke. Some fuckwit you turned out to be. I hope you churn out your fucking innards, you dumb motherfucker. 'Cause this is as halfwitted as that time with Julie".

Trust me to believe in the wisdom of a talking rabbit.

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up."

"No, look. You're an overweight, neanderthal loser, who's been closer to zero these last few months than any other time in your life. You have the opportunity to fuck your brains out with one fine dame of a woman, but instead, you get cold feet, and I bet that we're going back to the house now to jack off to Izumi porn whereas we could've gotten the girl and taken turns analling her."

"I wouldn't have shared her this time, Toodles."

"Really? You were a lot more generous the last time."

"I love this one."

"I would've done her bunny proud. I am a rabbit, you know".

"No, look, fuck you. I love this girl. I absolufuckinlutely do. You don't have any say in this".

"Oh, look who's in loooooove. Look who's gotten all sensitive and shit. You know, fuck that. You know that it's not going to work out. You know what you are."

"I'm not---"

"You know it. You're a fucking monster. You're a fucking freak. You're out of control."

"And you're a fucking talking rabbit but I don't have any problems with that."

"I might be a talking rabbit, but I probably would've given Firecrotch a far better time than you're giving me now."

"What do you know? You're a fucking rabbit."

"I know that in life, you've got to make choices that you're probably going to regret later. But it's better to live with regrets than without them. Ask yourself this, you fucking stoner...if you so weren't worked up over this bitch, we'd be having fun romping her. Now. Or at least I'd have some fun. God, you're such a fag."

"I'm going to kill myself."

"Boo fucking hoo."

"I'm going to kill you."

"Newsflash, moron. I'm a fucking figment of your overactive imagination."

"You're real, rabbit."

"Figment, you morose motherfucker."

"Look, I could probably spend my life feeling sorry for myself---"

"Which you always do".

"---or do something about my life---"

"Which you've never done".

"---or we could just sit here, reflect and wax lyrical about how I, once again, stayed true to my roots and decided to let things play out for themselves."

"We're parked on a highway. You're not very bright."

He was right.

I wasn't very bright.